terrible to someone who's not Jewish.
Conversely, as of 1990, Denver had
But it's so important to me."
one of the highest rates in the coun-
While everyone has times when they
try — more than 60 percent.
are closer to their roots, the Handbook
The West has a higher degree of
states that it is "particularly so for
assimilation, lower rate of Jewish
Jews." The authors wrote: "We have
affiliation and thus, larger numbers
met a great number of people who had
of interfaith couples, Bayme says.
no religious tie to Judaism but who ...
And, at the time of its publication
were living much of their life in reac-
in 1988, The Intermarriage Hand- LONNY GOLDSMITH STAFF WRITER
tion to their Jewish identity."
book, by Judy Petsonk and Jim
This identity may come from
Remsen, stated, "The number of
ulie Goldsmith knew nothing about household," says Marilyn Goldsmith. "I love the Jewish emphasis on family, the
Jewish-Christian couples in the
Bryan. I think you need to look at the person book explains: "Jewish rituals, cele-
hockey three years ago.
United States has topped 500,000
brations, laws all center on the home.
But
now,
she
knows
a
little.
Like
the
as an individual, and they need to be re-
and is growing by about 40,000 a
The history and mythology are pri-
fact that Bryan Smolinski wears No. 15 spectful of each other."
year.
Nancy Smolinski agrees. "The fact that marily the story of one continuous fam-
on
his
New
York
Islanders
jersey.
Good
thing,
"Intermarriage is easier today be-
ily."
cause religion has become less a de- as the two are about to walk down the aisle [Julie] is Jewish never posed a problem for
That identity may in-
terminant of people's lives: In the together -- tomorrow.
trude
upon interreligious
Along with their different levels
last generation, America has be-
couples in time, as they
of
sports
knowledge,
Goldsmith
come largely a secular culture. Fre-
often realize that religion
quently, both partners in an and Sinolinski bring different re-
is a more important is-
intermarriage have lived in similar ligious backgrounds to this union.
sue than they had
"We
respect
each
other's
reli-
g
neighborhoods, had similar educa-
thought — even if both
gions,
and
would
never
expect
that
Lh'
tions and feel there is no essential
are "nonbelievers." Says
cultural or philosophical difference the other would convert," says
the Handbook, "Most
Goldsmith,
raised
Jewish
in
West
between them."
couples don't end up ar-
Interestingly, if there is any op- Bloomfield. Srnolinsld is Catholic,
guing directly about re-
position to a mixed-religion rela- born in Genoa, Ohio, and raised in §
ligious beliefs. But they
Toledo.
tionship, it's likely to come from the
find that many key deci-
E
That
mutual
respect
extends
to
Jewish side, the Handbook says.
sions, such as what to do
"Jewish tradition has emphasized sports.
about the religious edu-
Goldsmith doesn't really want
the importance of maintaining the
cation of their children,
to
learn
about
hockey,
she
says.
Jewish people, religion and [dis-
depend on what they be-
"It's a fun game to watch, and I like
tinct] way of life."
lieve."
Michelle Simon, 28, grew up in - watching him play."
Miriam Starkman, di-
Which is not really a metaphor
West Bloomfield. "All of my friends
rector of Hillel of Metro
would only date Jewish people," she for their relationship. The pair is
Detroit, sometimes coun-
(a
says. "In high school I hung out with being married by a morat h'am
sels students and twen-
teacher
of
the
people),
mostly Jewish people, college too.
tysomethinge who are
troubled over interdat-
Then I moved out to Los Angeles, a from the Humanistic
much more diverse city, so I start- Birmingham Temple,
ing issues.
and
they
have
yet
toy
"Occasionally people
ed meeting a lot of people from a lot
come to me who are al-
of different backgrounds. This firmly decide how they
will raise their children.
ready involved in an in-
opened my life up a lot."
terdating relationship,
Simon "was seeking diversity." But chances are good g
and they talk about how
And she found it. Simon and her that it'll be a little bit of
they want to work it out.
fiance, Dave Neupert, 31, "know both with a lot of re-
We talk about values
many people [in L.A.] who are spect.
"My
extended
family
and what's important,"
married or dating mixed. It's very
she says.
prevalent [there] and very accept- is really conservative,
= and rm sure they have
But more often, people approach
ed.
Left Bryan Smolinski, skating for
their
own
concerns,"
"I think you narrow your life in a
the New York Islanders.
Starkman because they have decided
they want to meet someone who
lot of ways if you just want one Goldsmith says. Still,
that
Above: Bryan Smolinski and Julie
is Jewish. "We discuss ways that they
thing — whether just a Jewish guy "no one has approached
us
about
it."
Goldsmith: Combining careers,
or just this type of friend or just a
can do so."
Says Smolinirsi, "I'd
religions and love In marriage.
Often, native Detroiters tell Stark-
red shirt," Simon continues. "I want
to live my life being very open-mind- honestly be embar-
man that "they know everyone — but
rassed
if
anyone
said
ed to different things because I
then they start going to some of these
larger events, whether through
think if you close yourself off to cer- something to me."
In the off-season, the
it's fine [Federation's Young Adult Division]
tain things, you'll lose out."
wonderful,
and
sheds
us.
We
think
couple lives in Haslett, 10 minutes from East
YAD or HMD, and they find out, yeah,
Lisa Barson, 28, always wanted Lansing. "Both our families are nearby, so with us whatever she is."
to date Jewish men, but she didn't it's nice to be close to them," Goldsmith says.
If a couple doesn't respect each other as they know a significant number of
and people, but many other faces are
always do it.
"When you're on the road for so long, it's nice people, adds Mrs. Goldsmith, religion
But when she found herself "in a to be back home around all our friends?'
other extraneous factors make no difference. new."
Combining two religions in a
position where I was serious about
Goldsmith and Smolinski met three years
Both mothers say they have no problems
had relationship is like malting "an alliance
someone who wasn't [Jewish], I had
ago
through
a
mutual
friend.
Smolinski
the interreligious marriage.
between two nations," the Intermar-
to re-evaluate things. I realized it with
"I grew up in a Conservative, religious RESPECT page 46
riage Handbook says. Like political
wasn't what I wanted.
diplomats, couples must employ key
"A bunch of little things started
Weinraub says, "I think it takes work [to only date
adding up — like the fact that he
I
was
lucky
when
I
found
my
girlfriend."
The
pair
negotiating
skills
a lot
of patience.
Michelle Simon and
and have
Dave
Neupert
have perfected
didn't have the background [that I had]. When I Jews].
met
at
a
USY
convention,
where
Weinraub
was
a
staff
look back at where I've met my friends — through He- member. "I wasn't looking for anybody. It turned out to those skills. They will be married by a Humanistic rab-
bi in Chicago this month. Simon says it was always im-
brew school and youth groups, junior year in Israel —
there was a whole part of me that he just didn't relate be the best lucky break I've ever had."
portant to her to be with a Jewish guy. But about four
For Aronson, trying to date within the fold is ex- years ago, she met Neupert, while they were both work-
to. One thing and one thing only was missing — Ju-
.
tremely limiting.
ing for Motown Records in Los Angeles.
daism."
"It has been so difficult. [There have been] three non-
That prompted Barson, who lives in Southfield, to
"I started realizing that religion didn't matter to me
Jewish men that I've actually gone out with in the past as much as I thought it had," she recalls. "What was
only date Jewish men.
Anytime you rule out a whole group of people, you year or so that I really liked, only no matter what I did, more important was the person that I was deciding to
could feasibly make it more difficult to meet "The One." [Judaism] got in the way," she says.
Or, by limiting the pool from which to select potential
"It's something in me all the time, something I'm spend the rest of my life with."
dates, it could just increase the chances of meeting "The always aware of. A Jewish man is that much more at- TO DATE Page 46
tractive to me because he's Jewish. That might sound
One Who Works."

Religion, sports and other differences won't slow down
a couple on the verge of marriage.

.

•

C• i
0)

•

45