Matthew May and Alexandra
Westcob met in the summer of
1990, when both were coun-
selors at Tamarack. For a year
after they met, they sent letters
back and forth across the At-
lantic.
The next summer, romance
kicked in.
\__, May bummed around the
,-) U.K. for a while; then Westcob
met him in Florida for his broth-
er's wedding, starting a back-
and-forth that lasted several
years. "I made seven or eight
trips to the U.K., she made five
or six [to visit me] before we got
engaged," says May, who is as-
sistant director of outdoor edu-
cation at Indiana University.
\— The pair lived in Scotland for
/ two years_before moving back to
the States this summer.
At the end of 1994, they got
engaged; on Aug. 8, 1995, they
married. Admitting it's cliche,
May says absence really does
make the heart grow fonder.
"I think you make more of an
effort to make sure it's the right
person, if you put that much en-
\ ergy into seeing the person," he
/-- says.
On the downside, the distance
precludes sharing important mo-
ments. "If I had gone over there
after not seeing her for a few
months, she may have met peo-
ple I don't know. [You have] dif-
ferent social circles, you don't
know all the jokes."
Lisa Kuppersmith Weisner
_ met her husband, Kyle, on a
/- blind date. Their mothers,
who had met through Hadassah,
thought their children would
make a great pair, says Weisner,
a West Bloomfield High School
and Temple Israel graduate.
She moved to California in
1989 and in September of 1990,
she met the man who would be-
come her husband.
"At the time, he lived in
\-)
Chicago. We went out when he
was in California for a 10-day
vacation visiting family," she re-
calls.
For the next two and a half
years, "we met somewhere in the
country once a month ... until we
got married. We never lived in
the same state until we got mar-
ried."
A year and a day from the day
\-- ,
/-
they met, he popped the ques-
tion.
"You really get to know
each other by communicating,"
Weisner says. "You have to talk
on the phone all the time, so if
you have nothing to say, you
have to hang up. Obviously
there is no pressure for sex, no
\ expense as far as dating but
-' [there is the] expense of phone
bills. Kyle would call me six days
[
a week, and I would call him on
Sundays because I was in school

— $300-$400 phone bills a stay together, we wanted to be N.Y., native who later became
engaged. I still had three more her husband. David Weiss was
month."
The abundance of heart-to- years of pharmacy school. We her brother-in-law's best friend
heart, in-depth talks forces a looked into all the different op- from college.
"We started dating, and it was
couple to really get to know one tions ... I decided not to transfer
another, says Weisner. "I know because I would just lose too very tough because I was decid-
ing on graduate school at the
him better than I know anybody. much time."
time," she says. "I did
We talked an hour a
have the option to
day every day for two
come to the Star pro-
and a half years."
gram at [the Univer-
Laurie Remer and
sity of] Michigan, but
Jayson Greenberg both
I really loved this
lived in Michigan
Jewish communal
when they started dat-
service program in
ing. Now, he is com-
Baltimore," says
pleting a medical
Weiss, who now
residency in Houston,
works at the Jewish
and she is a graduate
Federation of Metro-
student at the Univer-
politan Detroit.
sity of Michigan's
"It was a very
pharmacy school.
tough decision, but
When they get married
we had just met, and
in December, they will
I couldn't make a de-
continue to live apart
cision around him be-
until Remer gradu-
cause it was a new
ates.
relationship." Ulti-
"It's really hard to be
mately, she went to
away from someone
Baltimore.
who you're used to be-
"We weren't sure if
ing with," she says.
it was going to work
Plus, "he completes
out ... At one point he
me; I feel like half of
ended up saying to
me is in Texas."
me, 'I don't care, it's
Having a solid rela-
two years, I know
tionship in place before
you're the right per-
Greenberg headed
son and it's just two
south, "helped a lot be-
more years, we'll just
cause it's definitely ex-
have to get through it
tra work, and you have
and then we'll be to-
to want it extra bad,
gether.' We had been
because it's that much
dating two or three
harder," says Remer.
months when we had
If she had it to do
Laurie Remer, of fiance Jayson Greenberg: "I feel like half of
to make that deci-
over again, would
me is in Texas."
sion."
she begin a long-dis-
The Weiss' married
tance relationship? "I
For couples who begin long- on Sept. 1, 1996, just three
wouldn't totally write it off, but
it's a huge consideration. A lot distance, the separation forces months after Jordana finished
graduate school. They now live
of people meet when they're far them to take it slow.
"You definitely take your in Southfield.
apart and then when they're fi-
"When we were together, be-
nally together, it's a different re- time, think about what you're
lationship. We know what our doing more because it's such a cause we only had a little bit of
relationship is like when we're big investment," says Weisner. time together, we spent that
together, so that makes a dif- "It's sad to have to put love into time as quality time, always did
those terms, but if you're dating fun things, it was never just him
ference."
What makes it bearable, says long-distance, you have to be studying in the other room or
Remer, is a visible end to the ready to not see each other for anything," says Weiss.
"Because we were far apart
months and months at a time,
separation.
Remer and Greenberg first cuddle with your phone or cry from each other, we didn't take
things for granted: We took ad-
met in Florida, when she was a yourself to sleep."
vantage of any opportunity we
high school senior and he a ju-
had together," she says. "... be-
nior in college. But nothing hap-
cause our relationship was most-
pened until years later, when
ly on the phone, we learned how
they were both at the Univer-
to communicate with each oth-
sity of Michigan, during her se-
er. If we ever had problems, we
nior year and his third year in
had to talk [them out]."
med school — "We bumped into
When all is said and done,
each other, started dating after
couples who go the distance say
that," she recalls.
the biggest disadvantage is long-
And things were going well
Still, "life has a strange way ing for the other person.
until the end of Greenberg's fi-
"We really missed each other
nal year of medical school, when of working out. If it's meant to
it was time to match for resi- be, things fall into place. I real- a lot — that's the bottom line,"
says Weiss. "It was hard to
dency. He landed a spot in Hous- ly believe that," Weisner says.
be apart. There were a lot of
Jordana Weiss met her hus-
ton.
"[Match day] was the worst band while visiting her sister in events that happened in our
day," says Remer. "At that point, Michigan. "My sister had a lives over the past couple of
we decided we were going to stay Shabbos dinner and had him years that we had to [attend
together and if we were going to over," she says of the Syracuse, alone]."

"We learned how to
communicate with
each other."

And, says Weisner, the bad
times are worse without some-
one to ease the rough spots.
"Whenever you're going
through a tough time, you're
alone," she says. "All my friends
would go out on dates on Friday
and Saturday nights. I couldn't
really go with them. [I used to]
be by myself a lot, and I'm sure
he was too."
When a couple only has week-
ends together, both expect it
to be great: Everything's
supposed to be perfect on vaca-
tion or in short spurts of time.
It's the expectation of say-
ing good-bye, though, that can
put a damper on that brief in-
terlude.
"We'd spend all day Sunday
knowing we'd have to leave each
other, so sad, very tough," says
Weiss. "David always tried to
make things as normal as pos-
sible, [he'd] say, 'Let's not focus
on leaving, let's try to have a
normal time.' It was hard,
though."
None of the couples were wor-
ried that it wouldn't work out in
the long run.
"We were really good friends
before we started dating," says
May. "I just completely trusted
her."
Weiss admits "it was defi-
nitely nerve-wracking when we
made a commitment because
people would say to us, 'How do
you know you can be together?'
So I did come and spend six
weeks out here in the summer
between my graduate school
years; that was helpful in know-
ing more about the relationship.
It just clicked, we knew it was
going to work."
One benefit to distance is that
it breeds independence. To May,
the relationship with his wife
"is so good because we let each
other do our own things, [while
at the same time we] try
to be together as much as possi-
ble."
"Giving someone a bit of space
can help the relationship,
help your individuality, no
smotherification," he says.
"When you're together, you
devote yourselves completely
to each other; when you're a
part, you're still devoted but [can
pay] attention to the task at
hand."
"If there are any advantages,"
says Remer, "it does give you in-
dependence. It makes you learn
to be on your own and to be your
own person and not be depen-
dent on the other person."
Remer and Greenberg are
"both doing what's best for
ourselves. I knew if I quit every-
thing, which I think about
sometimes, and came down
[to Houston], I'd make him
miserable and be miserable."

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