Silver
Lining

These West Bloomfield
parents are on a mission to
transform their pain into a
positive outcome.

MEGAN SWOYER

SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

H

100

er heart splintered
and she and her hus-
band felt they never
would know happiness
again. Their zest for
living was pretty
much non-existent after their
first child, 8-month-old Alicia
Joy Techner, died of meningitis.
That was in 1978. Since then,
Ilene Kaufman Techner has
gained a lot of experience in
child grieving and putting her
life back together. Now the par-
ents of three children ranging in
age from 11 to almost 18, Ms.
Techner and her husband,
David, along with two other
West Bloomfield couples, spend
countless hours on three sepa-
rate programs sharing their re-
vived strength and hope with
others.
Having gone through a child's
death herself, Ms. Techner is
probably the best person to help
those grieving over the loss of
a loved one. She emphasizes the
practical things that need to be
talked about and taken care of.
"Other people might think it
should be simple to get rid of a
baby's clothes, but it's so emo-
tional," explains Ms. Techner. "I
held on to Alicia Joy's clothes for
far too many years. And every
time we moved, I'd move all of
Alicia Joy's boxes and things to
the new house," she says.
Ms. Techner, whose home-
based company is called After-
Care Services, says, "You want

Above: Shel
Leshner plays
with son Andy.

2

Right: The
Lipson family,
with Mark,
Kevin, and a
healthy Brian
sitting on his
dad's knee.

to feel good about where things
go and what to do with a per-
son's favorite belongings. We
talk about the person," she says.
Ms. Techner offers her services
for free.
Looking back at the time in
her life when her baby died, Ms.
Techner says it took some time
to commit to her new-found mis-
sion. 'When my youngest went
to school full time [six years ago],
I was looking for something to
do. Being around the funeral
business (Ms. Techner's hus-
band is director of the the Ira
Kaufman Chapel in Southfield,
and she is the granddaughter of
Ira Kaufman) I wanted to help
with some of the practical things

that need to be done when some-
one dies," she says.
One client, Shel Leshner, says
he doesn't know what he and his
wife, Mary, would have done
without the Techners. The cou-
ple's 21-month-old son, Mark,
died of unknown causes, possi-
bly Sudden Infant Death Syn-
drome, in 1991.
"You're not really prepared for
an adult to die, but for your child
to die ...," says Mr. Leshner, the
director of sales for WJLB and
WMXD radio. "I wanted to wake
up like it's a bad dream and your
son's really alive," he says.
"Ilene [Techner] had said to
try and turn what happened into
something positive." So the par-

ents decided to set up a founda-
tion in their son's name, the
Mark Leshner Foundation for
Children. Mr. Leshner asked the
professional sports organizations
in town to hold charity events
from which the proceeds would
go to the 21st Century City Sub-
urban Camps.
"Mark loved people and he
loved sports, so this was the
perfect charity because the
camps feature and emphasize
diversity training for children.
The Leshners now have a 2 1/2-
year-old son, Andy. Ms. Techn-
er says, "Basically, I'm a
resource to families. It doesn't
matter if the person is Jewish
or if they are using Kaufman

funeral home." She counsels
clients on what to do with their
loved one's clothes and furniture,
how to handle Social Security
and insurance companies or
she just simply listens. After-
Care Services has clients all
over the United States and Ms.
Techner even has installed a
toll-free telephone line for her
clients.
Ms. Techner also shares her
thoughts on relationship stay-
ing power. She and Mr. Techn-
er have been married for more
than 23 years. That's often not
the case following a child's
death. To preserve a relation-
ship, Ms. Techner advises cou-
ples who've lost a child to talk to
each other a lot.
"When we lost Alicia Joy, we
would talk about how we felt
and I would be really depressed
one day and then Dave would
come home and I'd be fine. We
talked every day, like checking
in with each other."
Even parents whose children
have survived life-threatening
illnesses often seek out ways to
give something in return.
In Barry Lipson's case, he was
inspired to launch a research
fund for Children's Hospital of
Michigan.
When Debbie Lipson gave
birth two years ago to their third
son, Brian, the struggling infant
was diagnosed with a rare, life-
threatening condition that
caused fluids to enter his lungs.