WE ORE
flLWRYS
BUYING
/—
/—
/--'
Lake Michigan beside a roaring
camp fire, drinking beer, smok-
ing (and inhaling) and listening
to Smashing Pumpkins and Big
Head Todd and the Monsters re-
ally, really loud.
We had deep, meaningful con-
versations about philosophical
issues in one moment, then in
the next moment discussed the
cute skirt we bought on sale that
would go great with the tie-dyed
shirt. We kept things as light as
possible lest the weight of life
drag us down.
We were afraid of settling
down, mostly because of the per-
ception that our lives would not
be as exciting or profound if we
were married.
I was the first to leave the
group, marrying in April 1994.
I hung on to that group of friends
for a short while but shed them
as I migrated toward a new clan
of friends.
Like me, the new buds were
tied to a dream of a life shared
with someone, building a future
together. We went to concerts
and dinner parties in even num-
bers, attended each other's bridal
showers and weddings, ex-
changed housewarming gifts
and talked about home im-
provement and (yikes!) garden-
ing.
Clearly, it was not the same.
The weeds we talked about in
one group were vastly different
than those in the other. No
longer did I drift around the
campground of a Grateful Dead
concert barefoot with a bunch of
singles; but the things my new
couple-friends did were no less
exciting.
We had a different kind of
freedom, one that evolved from
committing yourself to another
no matter what their breath
smells like in the morning, no
matter what stupid things they
say over dinner or what horrible
outfit they wear. I felt I had lit-
tle in common with my still-sin-
gle-and-dating friends who, I
now realized, were bogged down
with the insecurities such status
brings.
But a few months into my
new group, my circle again
changed when I learned I was
pregnant. I leaned on new and
different friends who had al-
ready been or were going
through the same mommy-in-
waiting experience, people who
confessed their secret fantasies
about their gorgeous Ob \ Gyns
or swapped advice on picking the
best bouncy seat (vibrating or
with a toy bar).
Those same friends are still
with me. We now gab on the
phone about the latest commu-
nicable illness our children have
picked up and dine together in
child-friendly restaurants. We
don't have the leisurely hours to
pass and as a result make each
TWENTYSOMETHING page 54
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