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Tall Women
Advise Tall Teens
JOHN WILKENS SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
f all the human physical
characteristics, height may
be the only one resistant to
manners.
People would never think to
ask a stranger, "How much do
you weigh?" Or, "When did you
start losing your hair?" Or, "Why
is your nose so big?" But they
don't hesitate in blurting out,
"How tall are you?"
Adults have learned to deal
with this, some better than oth-
ers. One pro basketball player,
tired of the line "How's the weath-
er up there?" was known to spit
and reply, "It's raining."
Many adults, though, come to
see the questions as compli-
ments.
"I like to think that people ask
me about my height because they
see it as a benefit," said Linda
Goldman-Foley, a San Diego ca-
reer consultant who is 6 feet tall.
`They are surprised at how tall I
am, and they think it's wonder-
ful. They just haven't figured out
a nice way to say it."
But her voice of experience is
not one found in younger people,
especially in teens struggling
with all the other difficulties of
adolescence.
When you are a teen, fitting in
is often an all-consuming passion.
You want to wear the same kind
of clothes as your friends. You
want to do what they do, go
where they go. The last thing you
want to do is stand out in a
crowd.
Goldman-Foley remembers
class lines in school forever being
arranged by size, which meant
she was last. Teachers would seat
her between unruly boys "be-
cause I made a good wall."
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John Wilkens writes for Copley
News Service.
And, she said, "If I had a dime
for every time I was told to 'Stand
up straight,' I would be rich."
Helen Hawes, another 6-foot-
er, would go out on Halloween
night with friends in middle
school and sometimes be told,
"You're too old for trick-or-treat-
ing." Hawes would plead: "No,
I'm not! I'm just a kid!"
Hawes and other tall women
who were once tall teens shared
their experiences with a current
crop of stature-enhanced girls.
They talked about clothing and
boys who are shorter and what
it's like to have people expect
more of you because of your size.
People
expect
more if
you're tall.
They answered questions, and
asked some of their own, and
maybe, just maybe, left the girls
with a new understanding of -
and appreciation for - what it
means to be tall.
"It's a gift, really," Hawes said.
"It just takes you a while to real-
ize it."
In San Diego, seminars are put
on by San Diego Tall Singles, a
social club open to unmarried
women and men who are at least
21 years old and of a minimum
height (5-10 for women, 6-2 for
men).
One day several years ago, a
few women in the club were sit-
ting around reminiscing about
their tortured teens and how
things had, generally speaking,
turned out pretty well for them.
"If only we'd known back
then," they said. And the prover-
bial light bulb went on.
The sessions are big on shar-
ing. The girls are divided into
groups of about five or six, with
one adult leading each.
"It's a way to let them know
they are not the only tall people
out there," said Jo Anne Brown,
a state parole officer who is 6 feet
tall - and has been since she was
about 13.
"It's also good for them to have
adult role models," she added,
"people who can show how being
tall has helped them, in sports or
in their careers or in other
things."
This is especially true for girls
who already are taller than their
parents, "and they really don't
know who to talk to about all
this," Brown said.
That happened in her own life.
When she was in the eighth
grade, she grew from 5-feet-6,
weighing 98 pounds, to 6 feet and
135 pounds. In the process, she
shot past both parents.
"I was fortunate to have a P.E.
teacher who was tall, and she
was my role model," Brown said.
"Around her, I didn't feel so out
of place."
One of the things they stress
at the seminars is that height is
not something you can do any-
thing about - not if you want less
of it, anyway. So at some point
you have to accept it.
Those who don't accept it often
wind up at one of two extremes:
as extroverts who continually act
out, getting in trouble; or as in-
troverts who shy away from al-
most any kind of contact. The
seminar tries to help them find a
middle ground.
That doesn't mean just "grin
and bear it," though. "Telling a
TALL page 83