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Jewish Romance

A local rabbi shows "of the tribe"
examples of what true love takes.

RABBI AARON BERGMAN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

Another word is yedid, as in
hen people think of
great romance, they the famous Kabbalat Shabbat
think of Romeo and song, "Yedid Nefesh," when we
Juliet, Antony and call God the beloved of our soul.
Yedid means that we look to
Cleopatra, Humphrey Bogart
and Ingrid Bergman in our partner for protection and se-
Casablanca. They rarely think of curity — not just financially, but
emotionally as well. It means we
Jewish characters.
The romances mentioned can trust our partners to be sup-
above have several things in com- portive even when we are not at
mon: They had great passion, a our best. It means we can reveal
sense that there was no one else our deepest selves and know that
,in the world for them and that no we are safe, accepted for who we
are.
one else understood their love.
Although young lovers may
But their relationships all end-
ed — either in tragedy or for the fear the prospect of loosing the
common good (if Ingrid doesn't romance in their marriage, the
get on that plane, France does differences are, in fact, not neg-
ative at all.
not get saved).
* Romance thrives on mystery
This points out a fundamental
difference between how we think whereas marriage requires in-
of romantic love and where we timate knowledge of your part-
want to go with it. In Judaism, ner and a willingness to disclose
' our hopes are to move toward your deepest self.
* In romance, we strive to look
marriage.
The Hebrew language has a our best at all times. In marriage,
number of words for love and we must learn not just to toler-
lover, revealing a
great deal about the
Jewish attitude to-
ward true romance
and combining to
create a potentially
wonderful relation-
ship and marriage.
The most common
word for love is aha-
va, which implies
physical attraction,
an important aspect
of a marriage. Ju-
daism does not re- Aaron and Ruth Bergman: True love and partnership,
quire us to marry from a Jewish perspective.
someone strictly for
his virtues. There is nothing ate, but to appreciate, a few ex-
wrong with dekring our partner; tra pounds, wrinkles or gray
hairs.
it is, in fact, an ideal situation.
* Romance brings the antici-
Ahava also denotes loyalty to-
ward each other's causes: We pation of what our partner will
must not only desire our partner do for us. In marriage, we must
but we must respect what he focus on what we can do for our
partner.
stands for and believes in.
The person we choose as a
Another word for love is
chesed, which really means an partner, the person we love the
act: that of altruistic loving kind- most, says a lot about us. Did we
ness. It is that extra step we take choose a genuinely good-hearted
to make our partner happy with- person, a person with concerns
out being concerned about reci- beyond self interest? Is our part-
procity. It means we do not keep ner concerned about the good of
score with our partner, but rather the community, despite no prac-
enjoy the pleasure we bring him. tical benefit for being so, simply
There are a couple of words for because it is the right thing to do?
lover, both of which imply the Did we choose someone with
whom we feel good about raising
word "friend" at their core.
One word, dod, is commonly a family? Did we choose someone
used in the Torah for what lovers who treats us with respect and
call each other as they anticipate kindness?
If we can answer yes to any or
their marriage, during the time
when they first start viewing all of these questions, then
each other as true partners and we have a romance worthy of
preparing themselves for a the greatest lovers of Jewish his-
tory. ❑
shared future.

W

AST YEAR,
WE ADDED
THESE
EXCEPTIONAL
STUDENT
ATHLETES
TO OUR
HALL OF FAME.

The Michigan Jewish Sports Hall of
Fame and The Jewish News believe in
applauding excellence.

That's why we reward the outstanding
achievements of Jewish high school 'ath-
letes with academic scholarships. And,
that's why we take pride in conferring
the honorary title High School Athlete
of the Year on deserving male and
female students through a program
administered in cooperation with The

.Jewish News.

Niki Berlin
Athlete of the Year

Storm Kirschenbaum
Athlete of the Year

Ben Gitler
Scholarship Winner

Matthew Toth
Scholarship Winner

WHO WILL THIS
YEAR'S CANDIDATES BE?

Now is the time to nominate exemplary
students for those honors in 1997. Let us know
about the "good sports" in your life whose
exceptional performances deserve recognition.

And give excellence a sporting chance.

For applications,
please send the attached form to:

Michigan Jewish Sports Hall of Fame
23070 Commerce Drive
Farmington Hills, Michigan 48335

For further information
call Steven H. Simons at (810) 476-3803

1

r

Please send me application information for the athletic scholarship and honors programs.

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