To Rise
Or Not To Rise
here was trouble in the small
village of Chelm...
"Im not going to school,
said young David Gold, the
cobbler's son. "God has com-
manded me to stay in bed."
"How can you say such a thing?" said his
mother, Esther. She was quite tired from prepar-
ing and cleaning up the Passover seder, and had
been looking forward to a relaxing day in an
empty house.
"Passover," David said, "and nothing is al-
lowed to rise on Passover."
Esther Gold blinked at her son.
"I don't think the Ruler of the Universe quite
meant ..."
"HI rise," said David, "I'll be breaking a com-
mandment. You wouldn't want me to do that."
"No," Esther said. "I'm going to ask your fa-
ther."
Esther left David and went downstairs to her
husband's shop.
"Hello," said Joshua Gold. "Is it lunchtime al-
ready?"
"David isn't going to school."
"Is he sick?"
Esther shook her head and explained.
"What a thing," said the father.
"I know," said the mother. 'We'd better ask
the rabbi."
Off they went to Mrs. Chaipul's restaurant
where Rabbi Kibbitz had his morning coffee. Af-
ter greetings and hellos, the Golds explained
their problem.
'What a thing," said Mrs. Chaipul.
"That's what I said," said Rabbi Joshua.
"But he's got a point," said Rabbi Kibbitz.
"Bread is not allowed to rise during Passover."
"Nor cake," said Mrs. Chaipul.
"Nor bagels," said Rabbi Cantor, the mer-
chant, who felt that matzahbrei was a poor sub-
stitute for his bagel and shmear.
"But it's ridiculous," said Esther Gold. "If we
can't rise in the morning, how will anything get
done?"
Mark Binder is the head writer for Light
Productions in Chelmsford, Mass.
"I don't know," said Rabbi Kibbitz, stroking
his beard. "I just don't know..."
Word spread through Chelm like the parting
of the Red Sea. On one side were the early ris-
ers, and on the other were the slugabeds.
The early risers were, of course, already up.
They had things to do, places to go, people to see.
For them, getting up early was a great joy and
blessing.
The slugabeds rejoiced at the news. Those
who were already up immediately hopped back
into bed. For them, nothing was so sweet as a
nap — morning, noon, afternoon, or evening,
not to mention the night's slumber.
For three days, Chelm was a changed village.
At first, the early risers luxuriated in their
newfound freedom from interruption by sleep.
"I am getting so much more done," Esther
Gold said, as she white-washed the kitchen at
midnight by candlelight.
Simultaneously, the slugabeds, cozy and snug,
relished their unlimited rest and relaxation. The
sheets were warm, the pillows soft, and their
dreams were sweet.
By the fourth morning, though...
The early risers were exhausted. In order not
to break the commandment, they slept stand-
ing up, or leaning against a wall. Their blankets
slipped off, and their pillows fell to the floor. It
was not particularly restful, and all of their
chores were done.
The slugabeds had problems of their own.
Never mind that they had to crawl back and
forth to the bathroom, or that they were forced
to eat their meals on the dining-room floor. It is
quite difficult to drink from a glass while you're
lying on your back or stomach. (This was in the
days before straws.) Worst of all, they were not
tired any more. Men, women and children who
for years had complained about never getting
enough rest were suddenly all slept out.
A meeting was called in Rabbi Kibbitz's bed-
room, where the rabbi lay beneath his covers,
impatient but wide awake.
Around the bed stood Esther Gold, Rabbi Can-
tor the merchant and Rabbi Yohon Abrahms,
the mashgiach and head of the yeshiva.
`This can't continue," said Esther Gold, blink-
ing her eyes furiously to stay awake.
"A commandment's a commandment," Rab-
bi Yohon Abrahms said. "There's got to be a so-
lution," yawned Rabbi Cantor.
"I've been awake thinking," said Rabbi Kibb-
itz. "I have an idea."
"Go on," said Rabbi Cantor.
"Tell us," said Esther Gold.
Rabbi Kibbitz said, 'What if we just get up?"
"I'm not sure I follow," said Rabbi Cantor, who
had dozed off.
"If we get up, aren't we rising?" asked Rabbi
Yohon Abrahms.
Wise Rabbi Kibbitz shrugged. "When we
breathe, does not our chest rise and fall? And
yet God did not command us to stop breathing.
When bread rises, it does nothing else but rise.
When people get up, yes they rise. But we do
other things."
"I'm not so sure," said Rabbi Yohon Abrahms.
At just that moment, Mrs. Chaipul, who had
been eavesdropping at the door, burst into the
rabbi's bedroom banging a wooden spoon against
a pot.
"Get up! Get up!" she yelled, banging loudly.
"Ahh!" Rabbi Kibbitz shouted. And he im-
mediately jumped out of bed. "You see!"
In a matter of minutes, every early riser in
Chelm was beating on a pot or a pan, and slu-
gabeds throughout the village were leaping to
their feet.
There was a great cheer as the divided town
was briefly reunited.
However, a few moments later, the early ris-
ers were all in their beds, while the slugabeds,
up and awake at last, went about their business.
"This is a fine state of affairs," said Joshua
Gold to his son David. "Your mother is fast
asleep. What should we do?"
The boy, who had started the trouble in the
first place, smiled at his father, and said, inno-
cently, "Let's take a nap!"
The father laughed, shaking his head. "No,"
he said. And together they went fishing.
After that, all would have been back to nor-
mal in Chelm ... except for the unusual fish that
David Gold caught.
But that is another story.
❑