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Eliminating Morky'
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LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER

I

'm embarrassed. While pack-
ing late last week for a Jew-
ish singles conference, I
became nervous that every-
one would be "dorky" and I-
would not have a good time.
When I arrived at the Hyatt Re-
gency in Chicago and scoped the
scene in the hospitality suite, I
immediately started classifying
people in my mind as appearing
"cool" or "dorky."
When did I become queen of
cool?
The truth is that too often, all
of us fall into the habit of deter-
mining someone's worth by the
clothes they wear and the level
of social graces they present.
The word "dorky" has come to
be associated with individuals
who seem to be two steps behind
current fashion trends. In the
movies, nerds wear dark, thick-
framed glasses which are usu-
ally sliding halfway down the
bridge of their nose, and their
short-sleeved, button-down

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the country April 11-13. Desig-
nated for individuals between
the ages of 21 and 40, the ma-
jority of attendees were in their
30s.
From appearances, everyone
had a great time.
Friday night featured Shab-
bat services and dinner, followed
by an interactive murder mys-
tery. Saturday: Shabbat ser-
vices, breakfast and an
inspiring, funny speech by syn-
dicated columnist Jeffrey Za-
slow. That afternoon we were
free to roam around the Windy
City, then met up at night for
Havdalah and a dinner-and-
dancing cruise on Lake Michi-
gan. Sunday morning was also
chock full of activities.
Sounds like fun, right?
I have friends, single Jewish
friends, whom I tried to get to go
with me to Chicago. They de-
clined — either too busy or too
apprehensive.
Well, they still haven't met

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shirts display pens and calcula-
tors in the breast pocket. Maybe
their voices reach a nasal pitch,
and their laughter sounds like
open-mouthed guffaws.
So based on that, people veer
away from these individuals,
deemed unsatisfactory for dat-
ing solely based on superficial
qualities.
Chances are that someone
will finally see that the so-called
dork has beautiful blue eyes or
a wide, constant grin or is a con-
versational master, and land a
great love.
Hundreds of Jewish singles
attended Weekend in the Windy
City, a two-day Chicago gather-
ing of Jewish singles from across

anyone. In fact, because of the
prevailing attitude that we're all
guilty of harboring, many
haven't even put themselves in
a position to meet someone who
is Jewish, nice and looking for a
Jewish partner. And I'll admit,
if I weren't reporting for The
DJN , I probably would not have
gone to Chicago either. It would
have been entirely my loss.
Of the probably 300 people
who signed up for this sold-out
singles weekend, I'm willing to
bet that all of them said "What
have I got to lose?" David Simon,
a single from Milwaukee, put it
like this: At the very least, you
expand your circle of friends and
networking possibilities. At the

most, you find a love interest.
He's right.
Many people at the confer-
ence did not dress in current
styles. Some had hairstyles rem-
iniscent of the mid-1980s. Not
everyone was thin, or tall, or had
a full head of hair. (Do you?)
Some people may have tripped
over their own feet.
But everyone I met (decided-
ly not all 300) was nice. Inter-
esting. Unique. Ambitious.
Every single I talked with was
not afraid to admit that they'd
like to meet someone with whom
they Connect — romantically, in-
tellectually, emotionally.
They were not desperate;
rather, the singles at this con-
ference took responsibility for
their single-ness and tried, by
attending, to do something
about it.
But most did not feel that
they were less of a viable person
because of their single status.
They just want to meet some-
one, like the proverbial icing on
the cake, like we all want to do.
Like we all want to do.
On a date recently, I stepped
out of the car and into the strap
of my purse. Graceful and so
dorky. We are all dorks — or
maybe, we are all cool and we
just don't know it.
Remember those "popular"
kids in high school? Cheerlead-
ers, ring leaders of some sort,
likely not you or me. Where are
they today? Some are married,
some have fascinating careers.
But many had their greatest
moments, their 15 minutes of
fame, in high school. The rest of
us are still waiting for ours, and
I've seen that the un-cool high
schoolers get even cooler with
age and experience.
During his speech, Mr. Za-
slow told about a letter he re-
ceived for his column. A young
woman had gone to a singles
event, at her mother's behest.
When she returned home, her
mother was waiting up for her
and asked if she had a good
time. The young woman replied
that an unbelievably nerdy guy
had asked her to dance and how
could he think she could be even
remotely interested in him?
Her mother looked at her sad-
ly and said: "Somewhere, that
young man's mother was wait-
ing up like I am, thrilled that he

ELIMINATING TOM' page 72