If money

A Matchmaker Of Sorts

One mom bills a national singles directory as an alternative to the
(largely non-Jewish) bar scene.

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LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER

clear that we as parents felt
very helpless," says Mrs.
Miller. "We would look at
our kids and say 'We wish
there was something we
could do.' But then we dis-
covered that an awful lot of
singles preferred to do it
themselves — their parents
would hand them the liter-
ature," leaving the rest to
them.
Of course, the question re-
/-
mains as to how many par-
ents will take on the task of
finding their offspring a
spouse, and how many will
Dinah Miller: Helping Jewish singles find each
just let their kids do it them-
other.
selves. But, judging from the
ow many times have your
response rate from parents
parents suggested that it's to PAJES, apparently there are
time to find a nice Jewish parents who opt for a little action
someone-or-other and set- of their own.
-, tle down? The typical response: a
Eric Rosenfeld, a 24-year-old
/--' shrug, glance askance at the med- insurance agent who lives in
dling mother or father and defi- Farmington Hills, says he would
1 ant reply, "No thanks, Mom, I can definitely be upset with his moth-
find someone on my own."
er if she subscribed to the direc-
Unfortunately, that's not al- tory for him. "Because I don't feel
ways true.
at this point a need to go through
Assuming that parents' bring a directory and all those hoops.
the best intentions, Dinah Miller, I'm not going to reach for extra
60, formed Parents of Adult Jew- things like directories and clas-
ish Singles (PAJES), which pub- sifieds and bar nights."
1/1 lishes a three-times-yearly
But, Mr. Rosenfeld notes, "that
national registry of adult Jewish doesn't mean it's not going to work
singles. Based in Massachusetts, for people, and it doesn't serve a
Mrs. Miller sees the registry as a purpose. Many people I know do
way for Jewish singles in differ- it, love it, swear by it. I think it
ent geographic regions to connect. would work well in the area —
And apparently, despite distance, people would go crazy over it."
they do.
Those singles who get mad at
It's like a phone book for dating. parents for getting them involved
Mrs. Miller was inspired inad- with such a project might not be
vertently by a fellow parent. While expressing their true feelings, says
her son in California, Mrs.
Mr. Rosenfeld.
/- ) visiting
.
Miller had dinner with an Indian
Underneath their opposition
couple who had met through con- they might actually appreciate it
tacts researched by the man's he says, "and find themselves
mother. That mom spent two thumbing through the book. You
years diligently seeking a spouse gotta say to yourself, 'Why not?
for her son.
Let's see the names in there, stats
Of course, Mrs. Miller realized on the person, the resume.' "
she could only apply that idea to
Currently, it's split pretty even-
Jewish singles if she constructed ly between the number of parents
a non-intrusive plan. With two de- who sign up their adult kids and
grees in psychology, this mother the number of self-signing singles,
of two (one who is married and the she says.
other who remains single on the
"I'm convinced that if we don't
West Coast) came up with the reg- respect the privacy and dignity of
istry — with her son's express per- our singles, then they certainly
mission, of course.
aren't going to look to us with any
For $72 a year, an individual respect or dignity as parents," says
receives three editions, in which Mrs. Miller. "Jewish singles are
his/her profile is listed. In its third very independent — financially
year, the most recent issue had and emotionally."
nearly 1,000 members.
Amy Carson, a 25-year-old at-
> The book features Jewish sin- torney who lives in Birmingham,
gles between the ages of 20 and says she would not be happy if her
81. Anyone can sign you up — but
mother signed her up.
only with your permission.
"The reason I'm single right
"When we first started, it was now is because it's my choice. If

,

,

I

she signed me up, [knowing I'm
single voluntarily] she'd be going
against it."
She knows some parents of
peers who nudge their kids about
finding `The One." "I know some
that give their daughters more
than sons the lecture, 'Well, you
should go to this.' The answer:
`Everybody's a loser.' [And the par-
ent retorts:] 'It only takes one."'
But Ms. Carson also points to
a stigma that comes with much of
singles programming, classified
ads and a directory of singles. "I
think [these tactics are] seen as a
last resort," says Ms. Carson. "If
they weren't, they would be great
ways to meet people."
Mrs. Miller says one problem
with Jewish singles groups by and
large is that many are confined to
specific age ranges: 20s and 30s,
40s and 50s, seniors. "But there
are very, very few where you can
go and find the whole gamut. And
I think people feel comforted by
the fact that there are others out
there, seeking."
By far, the largest group list-
ed in the PAJES registry falls be-
tween 30 and 55 years of age, she
says. "It tails off between 55 and
80," and there are more individu-
als between 25 and 30 than on thee.,
younger end.
In the last couple months, Mrs.
Miller has gotten wind of three
impending marriages that came
from her book — one in the
20s/30s, the second in their 40s
and the latter in their 70s.
Ninety-seven percent of mem-
bers are "professionals," and a
good majority come from Califor-
nia, New York, New Jersey and
Massachusetts. There are far few-
er in the Midwest, although there
is a burgeoning amount from
Chicago in the wake of several ar-
ticles in the Windy City's Jewish
publication, JUF News, she says.
In the February edition, there
were about 15 people from Michi-
gan, 50 or 60 from Illinois, says
Mrs. Miller. Members also come
from all over the Midwest — Ohio,
Pennsylvania, Kansas, Indiana.
And there are the occasional few
from abroad — mainly, Canada,
England, Germany and Mexico.
But Mrs. Miller does not encour-
age foreign Jewish singles to join
because it's hard enough to meet
someone from across the country,
let alone from overseas.

❑

For information, contact
Dinah R. Miller at 103
Beethoven Ave., Waban, MA
02168; fax, (617) 630-8356; or
call, (617) 332-4482.

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