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Jewish Life . In My 20s

Walking down memory lane, but not down the aisle,
with married ex-boyfriends.

LYNNE MEREDITH COHN STAFF WRITER

y three long-term ex-
boyfriends are all mar-
ried. It doesn't really
bother me ... that much.
It actually inspires debate over
when, and why, to get married.
In a suburban city where peo-
ple get married younger than in
the big metropolitan centers like
New York and Chicago, we need
to put marriage into perspective.
It's not an eyes-on-the-prize goal,
nor an event. Sometimes we can-
not see the forest for the trees.
Marriage is a lifetime best-friend-
ship, romantic liaison, partner-
ship — not a big gala night with
beautiful flowers and lots of
champagne.
In the case of my ex-
boyfriends, I see it as a time-and-
place thing. It wasn't beshert for
me to marry any of them. Doing
so would not have resulted in the
lifelong commitment I, and they,
believe marriage to be.
Let's take it case by case:
My high school boyfriend was
three years older than I. We
haven't spoken in at least eight
years. He was always a sweet
guy. I think I heard that he mar-
ried an Israeli woman and per-
haps made aliyah.
Boyfriend No. 2 is definitely
married. A college romance for a
year and a half, he met someone
after me and they fell in love.
Married: 1994, or so.
Boyfriend No. 3, my one pre-
cursor to true love, recently mar-
ried. Every time he and I broke
up, I felt an ache in my heart, like
part of me was missing. We were
terrific friends in a tumultuous,
go-nowhere relationship because
he was Catholic.
As I get older, my views on
marriage are changing. When I
was in college, I just knew it
would happen someday, but was
curious as to with whom and
when. Not asking much.
After college, I got into the sin-
gle life and really started loving

Appraisals and photographs by a graduate gemologist
from The Gemological Institute of America!

it. Freedom. The excitement of
meeting new people, seeing new
faces, hearing new stories. I've
moved around the country, trav-
eled at the drop of a hat, met
amazing people and had won-
derful conversations. I've spotted
a couple of romantic possibilities.
That's all I'll say.
But I've heard moans and
groans from singles I know. Some
feel that they should be married
now. Some worry that it'll nev-
er happen to them. Some envy
their friends' apparent happiness
and wedded bliss.

Marriage:
A lifelong
best-friendship.

Not me. That walk down the
aisle is a long walk of very definite
steps. You have to know that what

you see at the end of the aisle is
what you want to see now, tomor-
row and 30 years down the line.
In my eyes, marriage is a com-
mitment to work through good
times and bad. It's a mutual
agreement to be best friends for-
ever.
Marriage is a lifetime promise
to be together, emotionally and
physically, despite skyrocketing
divorce rates and cavalier atti-
tudes about this age-old institu-
tion.
Sure, it's weird to think that
the three men I have dated have
pledged to spend the rest of their
lives with other women. But I
must give them a lot of credit —
this step they've taken'is a huge
leap of faith in themselves, their
spouses and their lives. It's a
wonderful decision to make, and
I hope, the right, long-lasting one
for all three of them.
So it doesn't bother me that
they've said "I do" before I did. I
only hope they meant it. 0

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