e

eating
a new vision

Plastic surgery and a healthier you

DATE April 10, 1997

Birth Order

TIME 7-9 p.m.

PLACE Jewish Community Center

6600 West Maple Road
Room: Shiffman Hall

Your personality traits were strongly influenced by your siblings.

Board-certified plastic surgeons will discuss surgical
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To register for the seminar,

or for more information
on plastic surgery options
at Beaumont, call

1-800-633-7377

William Beaumont Hospital

Wahl-ins welcome if space permits.

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Senior Member Of America

PLYMOUTH
851 S. Main Street
313-459-0980

BIRMINGHAM
30600 Telegraph
810-642-0210

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JOAN CARY SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

y

ou can't pick your parents,
they say. Nor can you pick
the order in which you and
your siblings are born.
But you can bet that birth or-
der—whether you're a firstborn, a
middle or the baby of the fami-
ly—will have some influence on
your personality.
"Birth order is one
of many factors in per-
sonality development,
including heredity, re-
ligion, economics and
parents," said Michael
Maniacci, a clinical
psychologist from
Naperville, Ill.
"The topic does en-
ter into counseling.
Birth order effects are
the effects that siblings
have upon each other.
Children, because of
their relationships
with siblings, develop
expectations on how to
find their place in the
world." It is a well-
known theory, re-
searched in more than
200 studies, said Ma-
niacci.
Older children are
generally leaders.
Middle children are
diplomats and more
challenging. Youngest children
tend to be playful, humorous and
less responsible.
Oakhurst, Ill., mom Karyl
Palmer hasn't read the books
about birth order, but she can see
the effects in her four children.
Her firstborn, Lauren, 11, is
a typical leader. "She likes to be
in charge and she likes other peo-
ple to go along with her and not
change the way she's doing
things," says Karyl.
Jeffrey, 9, her second born, is
pretty responsible too, and enjoys
a challenge, but he is more com-
fortable as a follower than a
leader.
Katie, 4, although technically
a middle child, is a prime exam-
ple of how birth order gets com-
plicated. Because of the age gap
between Katie and her 9-year-old
brother, she has more firstborn
qualities, taking on the respon-
sibility and enjoying the leader-
ship over her 2-year-old sister,
Kimberly, when the older children
are gone to school. Kimberly, at 2,
is the baby of the family.

Joan Cary writes for Copley
News Service

It is often not a simple matter
of one-two-three in attributing per-
sonal traits by birth order. Con-
sider just a few of the possible
complications:
A second-born boy with an old-
er sister may have all of the lead-
ership qualities of a first-born in

a culture where sons are honored.
A child born years after his sib-
lings may have a combination of
only child and youngest child
traits.
If the first-born child is a spe-
cial needs child, the second child
is likely to assume first-born char-
acteristics.
Ethnic culture, blended fami-
lies, the death of a family mem-
ber, the age spacing of children,
the sex of the children—many
things impact the birth order
traits.
Birth order was first pointed
out in 1920 by psychiatrist Alfred
Adler, says Maniacci.
"If you ask counselors if they
consider birth order, they might
say that they don't" says psy-
chotherapist Cheri Seley. "But the
fact is we do it without knowing
it."
"When we're getting to know a
child, we always ask about sib-
lings and their ages to see where
the child falls in the scheme of
things," said Seley, the training
and education coordinator at the
Kenneth Young Centers, offering
mental health, prevention and so-

cial services throughout the Chica-
go area.
"Birth order is certainly not the
only thing, but it is a viable thing,
and for other people, a fun thing
to grab onto. Even in adults, we
assume we know something about
a person because we know their
birth order. 'Oh, he's a
firstborn.' Birth order
traits can come up in
marriage counseling and
one will say, 'Oh, that's
why we've always had
that issue in our mar-
riage.' "
As children, there
might not be much we
can do about birth order.
But as adults, never give
up hope.
"I have wanted to pick
up a book on birth order.
It's interesting relating it
to your own family but
it's more interesting and
fun looking at birth order
traits in adults," says
Palmer, the middle child
of three whose husband,
Wayne, is a firstborn son
—a leader.
"We can look back and
be angry about where we
fall in, or we can look
back and learn from it,"
says Celey, who as a pre-
senter of various parenting and
family talks is frequently asked
to talk about birth order. "If you're
a firstborn who is doing too much,
take control and learn your lim-
its. If you're the baby who has
avoided responsibility, begin tak-
ing responsibility for yourself in
small doses."
One of Celey's hand-outs at
presentations is taken from
Kevin Leman's popular book, The
Birth Order Book. It suggests
adults focus on their good birth
order qualities and make them
work.
But keep birth order in its place
—as one of many factors affecting
personality, Celey and Maniacci
suggest. "Hymn- child doesn't fit
in that spot, all that means is that
one of the other factors affecting
personality was more important,"
says Maniacci.
And if you don't like the impact
you believe birth order has had on
you, attempt to change it. 'Td like
to believe that people are capable
of transcending," says Maniacci.
"I'd like to believe that many first-
borns can sit back and let some-
one else do the cooking." D

