Purim Spoof/March 21, 1997

DETROIT

JEW.S.A :TODAY'

All The News That's Fit To Eat

p u rsing
e Fed Up
With Regu ations

/-

Federation's Enough Already 2000
Program Infused With New Life

F

ederation announced today
that its never-ending pro-
gram, Enough Already
2000, has come up with an-
other new and exciting venture.
Beginning tomorrow, Federa-
tion and the Central Galilee re-
gion of Israel will begin an
exchange of recently deceased

ed up with the state's "nitpickiness," the Mervin and
Bessie Dento Family Health Care Center in West
Bloomfield is calling it a day.
The glitzy nursing facility, home to aging starlet Eliz-
abeth Trailer, plans to shut its gold-plated doors on April 1.
The decision comes in the wake of a third state health in-
spection report that cited the home for everything from fail-
ing to wipe crumbs off of residents' chins to short-sheeting
their beds.
"We've tried to cooperate with the state, but it seems we
can do nothing right," said Dento administrator Laura Gross-
ing Funds-Fast. The news was greeted with some sadness
by residents, including Ms. Trailer.
"OK, the food isn't that great considering what we pay here,
but the people are nice and the salon is open 24 hours," she
said. ❑

community members. It will give program that we can all look for-
the dead an opportunity to visit ward to."
cemeteries, morgues, chapels - Other Enough Already 2000
meetings in the works
and other facilities.
"We're running out of live Israe lis line up include exchanges of
people to exchange," said fort he Enough homeless people, pe-
spokesperson Charlotte Aire ady 2000 dophiles and former
Dupe'em. "But this will be sh uttle bus. kosher restaurant own-
ers. ❑
another great, wonderful

Judge On Hiatus Is Accused
Of Bias At Local Wedding

udge Andrea Ferrara, cur-
rently on medical leave
from the Wayne County
Circuit Court bench, has
made another gaffe — this time
at the wedding of Max Fissure's
granddaughter.
Judge Ferrara recently took a
break from her job after her ex-
husband accused her of making
slurs against blacks and Jews
during taped phone conversa-
tions. Ms. Ferrara has declared
the tapes a fake.
Yet, during the wedding cere-

j

mony of Binky Fissure and
Isadore "Winky" Weinberger,
Judge Ferrara, in an apparent
slip of the tongue, called the
groom a "little kike" as she asked
him if he accepted Ms. Fissure,
whom she described as a "whin-
ing bitch."
"We were dumbfounded," said
Myra Cantbelievitz. "Here, we
were gathered around the chup-
pah and these disgusting words
come out of her mouth. If she
hadn't apologized immediately,
everybody would have left."

The bride, however, departed
in tears. She didn't return to the
reception for several hours.
"We're suing the judge for
slander and intentional infliction
of emotional distress," Ms. Fis-
sure's father declared. "If I have
my way, she won't have a job
much longer, either."
Judge Ferrara denied making
the remark, saying guests must
have misheard her.
"It seems like people are al-
ways looking for the worst in
me," she said. ❑

Bakery Scoops Up Prize
For Cleanliness

emant's, the local kosher
bakery, has been named as
the international bakery of
he year by Terminix.
"We feel all bakeries should be
as clean as Zemant's," said Ima
7- Jukeem, president of the pest
control firm, "which is why we
decided to give them this high
honor."
To win the award, the bakery

had to beat a swarm of other
such establishments, including
Inferior Kosher Meat and Corn-
mon Kosher Carry Out.
Rabbi Elimelech Goldbug was
pleased that one of the Council
of All Powerful Rabbis' supervi-
sion clients could win.
"They really set the standard,"
Rabbi Goldbug said. "But then
again, all establishments under

the council's supervision do.
Rabbi Chaskel Grub, execu-
tive director of the council (also
known as the Vaad Isit-
thattheydo), said that the coun-
cil plans to reward the bakery by
not charging supervision fees for
the week. Also, the council plans
to refund prize money won by a
mashgiach in a recent wrestling
match with Zemant's owner. ❑

Hymie Adelman parked Mavis' latest rental vehicle in the company lot after
complaining about the lack of pickup.

Rental Company:
No Jews Either

mi

avis Rental has been accused of discriminating
against blacks, and now an ex-employee has revealed
that the company also discouraged the leasing of ve-
hicles to Jewish customers.
A top-ranking Mavis official denied the report, saying the
company is "color blind."
"We at Mavis want to set the record straight," said Michael
Toast. "We never have and never will turn away a customer
because of the color of his skin or the length of his horns."
But Hymie Adelman, a traveling salesman who regularly
patronizes Mavis, is not convinced.
"I wondered why they always gave me a Dodge — never
anything zippy or sporty," he said, adding, "It's odd; I always
refilled the tank when I returned my car." CI

ti

C_D
CC

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