TH E DETROI T J EWI SH NEW S

• Jelmisli Life

50

Getting to the
bottom of
singles-event
phobia.

PHOTO BY
DANIEL LIPPITT

lthough I hate to admit it, I
hesitate to attend any event
that has the word "singles"
attached to it.
As The Jewish News'
"singles" reporter, I have
an excuse: I could say that
I'm not really there for
myself; I have to go — it's
my job. .
Still, it makes me ner-
vous. And I know Pm not
alone.
An old friend who has
lived in the Detroit
'burbs since finishing graduate
school has, for a year and a half,
refused to attend any Jewish
community singles events — un-
til I reluctantly persuaded her to
accompany me. Another friend
still won't go.
What is it that keeps those of
us who are single and interested
in finding a cute companion from
going to events designed specifi-
cally for us? -
Let's talk about stereotypes.
One reigning notion of singles
events is that all the "dorky" peo-

ple go and the "cool" people are meet people who are also looking
somewhere else. Following that for a dating relationship at an
logic, I guess it would mean that event designed specifically to in-
I am a dork if I attend.
troduce singles to one another.
Another thought is that only And while it may be hard to ad-
romantically desperate individ- mit that you're looking for some
uals will seek out a singles romance, isn't everyone?
shindig — and I can't be one of
Picture this: cool coffee shop,
them. Never mind that
good music trailing
most of us have had
from the back room,
boyfriends in the past.
the smell of cinna-
And although I've had
mon-sprinkled cof-
quite a few dates in the
fee and creamy
last four months — two
chocolate tickling
were scrounged up by
your senses. People
my grandmother's best
everywhere. The din
friend's cousin's neigh-
of conversation, pep-
bor — I'm not desper-
pered by the occa-
ate!.
sional laid-back
This line of thinking
guffaw, growing
goes something like: "I
louder until it over-
don't need help finding
takes the music.
a mate. I can do just LYNNE MEREDITH COHN
Now stick your-
fine on my own."
self in the middle of
STAFF WRITER
I have a question:
it, huddled over a
How many of us are
cafe latte and scone,
dating five nights a week any- talking almost into the ear of this
way? (How many of us have the really cute, intelligent guy (I'm
energy to is another story.)
looking at it from the woman's
Truth is, it's probably easier to perspective — guys, you can pic-

ture a woman there). He is not a
psycho, stalker or babbling fool.
He's your boyfriend. He doesn't
have three other women on the
side or a wife in Nebraska.
Nice picture, isn't it?
Now picture this: Same guy,
same situation, a Hillel of Metro
Detroit coffeehouse or Federation
Young Adult Division bar night.
Hmmmm.
Marsha Landau, singles coor-
dinator at the Jewish Commu-
nity Center in Indianapolis, says,
"It's isolating to be single, an ad-
mittance that something's not
working."
It can be, I suppose. But it
doesn't have to be.
Ms. Landau says singles need
to "leave their expectations at
home and just come to have a
good time," which, with that pos- •
itive attitude, they certainly will.
But the point that resonates
most with me is her suggestion
to choose an event where you will
no doubt have a good time, some-
thing in line with your own in-
terests. That way, says Ms.

