A New Tomorrow

NV

Paul and
Gail Mandel
enjoy a second
helping
of romance.

MARA REINSTEIN

SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

hat kind of romantic
things do Paul and Gail
Mandel do for each other?
"I cook five nights a week,"
Ms. Mandel says.
"It feels like you cook three," her husband
replies.
What activities do they participate in to-
gether?
'e argue," they say.
Don't let the bickering fool you. The Man-
dels aren't throwing in the towel on love. In-
deed, the couple is about to celebrate their
15th anniversary together — and they nev-
er truly intended to get married.
Ms. Mandel was skeptical about getting
back into the dating scene after the death
of her first husband in 1978. They had been
married for 25 years.
"I didn't really want to get going again,"
says Ms. Mandel. "It's much different when
a marriage ends in a death than in a divorce.
In divorce, you're raring to go."
Ms. Mandel had experienced 2 112 years
of casual dates when her neighbor, Roz Beck-
er, asked her if she could give out Ms. Man-
del's phone number to a man who played
cards with Ms. Becker's husband, Sherm.
The man was Mr. Mandel, a widower af-
ter 24 years of marriage.
Ms. Mandel agreed to a date because of
the person who did the matchmaking. "I
knew he would be somebody classy," she

says. "It really depends on the person who
introduces you."
She doesn't have a vivid memory of what
they did on their first date, but she does re-
member her son's reaction when she came
in the house after it ended.
"My son was standing there like this," she
says, folding her arms across her chest. "It
was like he was the parent and I was the
child."
Describing Mr. Mandel, she says, "Any
Jewish mother would love him. He was re-
ally perfect."
He laughs, "Yeah, she bought it."
They were married eight months later in
a low-key wedding at Temple Beth El in July
1981. She was 48; he was 53. The partici-
pants in the ceremony were their children
— she has two; he has four.
Mr. Mandel, along with his 14-year-old
daughter, moved from Rochester to Ms.
Mandel's home in West Bloomfield, where
the couple still live. Because the children
were mostly grown, the Mandels managed
to avoid a "Brady Bunch" scenario. The tran-
sition wasn't perfect, however.
'We had a tremendous problem with our
dogs," Mr. Mandel says. "I had a small one,
and she had a huge one. My dog was so
afraid of this big dog, it was afraid to come
in the house."
Yet, overall, they've experienced few
dilemmas in their marriage. Mr. Mandel

credits their success to their many similar-
ities. 'We both went to Central High School;
we both had marriages that ended the same
way; we both had the same friends and went
to the same parties; and we were both raised
in Orthodox homes," he says.
"We got lucky," Ms. Mandel adds. "We
had the same background and had no fam-
ily problems."
They admit that marrying later in life can
be difficult. "It is hard for some people," she
says. "You have your
Paul and Gail Mandel
own
children, you're set
feel lucky to have
in your own ways, and
found each other.
you have your own fi-
nancial independence. I met my first hus-
band when I was 14, so I was really set in
my ways."
Furthermore, the Mandels are grateful
that when they dated each other, they didn't
have to face the-rules of the '90s dating scene,
which have changed considerably since their
heyday.
"I am amazed," she says. "There is no
strict curfew. The guy always wants to
stay over now, and couples move in to-
gether. My mother would kill me if I did
that. People aren't in a hurry to get mar-
ried anymore."
Mr. Mandel agrees. "It's much different
now," he says. "The sexes are much more
equal, and it's not really important to mar-
ry someone Jewish. I think this just makes
the relationship more complicated. People
have enough troubles."
The Mandels note that they remain in
constant contact with both spouses' fami-
lies, and together they make up an extend-
ed family.
They're also close to their children and
grandchildren, the majority of whom live in
the Southwest. In fact, they've purchased a
home in Arizona and plan to visit there for
at least two months a year.
"It's going to be a new experience," he
says. "Arizona has a warm climate and I get
to be near the kids."
Until then, they're keeping busy in the
frosty Great Lakes state. Mr. Mandel is
semi-retired from his attorney's practice.
Ms. Mandel coordinates the gift shops at
Jewish Federation Apartments, Menorah
House and the Marvin and Betty Danto
Family Health Care Center. They like to go —
to the movies, dine out and, of course, eat
in.
Mr. Mandel says of his wise wife, "She al- >-
ways knows what I am thinking and she
keeps me in line."
cc
Says Ms. Mandel, 'We get along, but you ca
have to put the time in. You're lucky if you
find someone [in a second marriage] because
there are so many who don't. It's hard 55
enough the first time." El