TROITI

THE JEWISH NEWS

13 FRONT

This Week's Top Stories

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Today's shadchanim find away to link up loves
in the modern world.

Love, American Style

Jewish marital habits are about the same as those
of the rest of the population.

JULIE EDGAR SENIOR WRITER

JILL DAVIDSON SKLAR STAFF WRITER

Left: Irene Slobin, with her dog
Frisco, has successfully
matched over 100 couples.

Below: "It's nice if you can
make a Jewish couple," said
Alicia Nelson, here with her
husband and co-conspirator,
Rabbi David Nelson.

licia Nelson keeps a small
red notebook by her tele-
phone in her Southfield
home. Filled with the
names of single Jewish men and
women, it is her love book.
Ms. Nelson, owner of Tradi-
tion! Tradition! Judaica and the
wife of Rabbi David Nelson of
Congregation Beth Shalom,
knows she lives in a modern
world, but sometimes she just
can't help herself when it comes
to the ancient practice of match-
making.
So when she meets a nice, sin-
gle Jewish person, she cross-
references the names already in
her book. If there is a potential
match, she gets to work.
"When I get to heaven, they
are going to say, What did you
do that was worthwhile on
Earth?' And I want to say, 'I did
a lot of introducing,' " said Ms.
Nelson, adding that she has 'in-

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troduced" eight
couples who even-
tually married.
Although Jews
have moved from
the close-knit East-
ern European
shtetl to the looser,
assimilated society
of America, the
idea of a match-
maker or shadchan
remains strong
within the Jewish
community.
They are friends
who set up other
friends, or hubbies
who are looking for
someone to ease
the ache of a lone-
ly-heart grand-
child, or rabbis or
rebbetzin who seek
to do a little good
and perhaps snag

I

t's not news that Jews are and children. He claims there is
rapidly assimilating into a notable difference in the fre-
quency of divorce between syna-
American society.
And with that integration gogue-affiliated Jews — 13
comes the attendant ills that for- percent — and those without af-
merly were confined to the gen- filiation — 25 percent.
"The power of the communi-
tile community — a higher
ty to impact on the privacy of the
divorce rate, for one.
Within the past 10 years, the home is very great. If you live in
gap between the divorce rate of an Orthodox community and
Jews and non-Jews has shrunk have people over for Shabbos
every week, it sets up a pro-mar-
to almost nothing.
According to Steven Bayme, riage bias. The stronger the de-
Ph.D., of the American Jewish gree of Jewish commitment in
Committee, 18 percent of Amer- the home, the stronger the mar-
ican Jews have been through a riage is, the stronger the family
divorce or are currently divorced, is," Dr. Bayme says.
In a 1987-88 AJC survey of
compared to 20 percent of the
general population. That includes New York City synagogues, rab-
younger Jews who married with- bis reported that divorce was rare
among Orthodox congregants —
in the past 10 years. -
The reasons? "In very broad about 1 percent. Dr. Bayme said
strokes, the stigma concerning it would be safe to push the num-
divorce disappeared. Divorce be- ber to a still-low 3 percent to ac-
came a much more viable direc- count for synagogue members
tion for people to pursue. No. 2, who may have dropped out be-
the long-term desire to stay in cause of divorce. _
Incompatibility, whether re-
difficult marriages, I think, de-
clined. And three, the general col- ligious, economic or sexual, is
lapse of the distinction between the leading factor in divorce in
public and private — men were the non-Orthodox community.
in public, women were at home. LOVE page 24
The collapse of the public-
private distinction in and of
itself has impacted on the
stability of marriages. What
we haven't learned to do According to the 1990 National Jew-
well is to manage the dual- ish Population Survey and City Uni-
career home," says Dr. versity of New York sociology
Bayme, who heads the professor and demographer Egon
AJC's Jewish Communal Mayer:
Affairs Department.
• Roughly 60 percent of born Jews
The splitsville syndrome are married.
is more endemic in younger
Jews, who represent a high-
• 68 percent of currently married
er proportion of intermar- born Jews (18 to over 80 years of age)
rieds. Only 8 percent of are married to someone also born
Jews over 65 have been Jewish.
through a divorce.
And divorce is on the • 72 percent of Orthodox Jews are
rise in the Orthodox com- currently married.
munity, although the num-
• 64 percent of Conservative and Re-
bers are low, continued Dr.
Bayme, who based his fig- form Jews are currently married.
ures on the 1990 Council of
• 53 percent of Reconstructionist
Jewish Federations' Na-
Jews
are currently married.
tional Jewish Population
Survey.
• 6 percent of Orthodox and Con-
Dr. Bayme says infideli- servative Jews are currently di-
ty and domestic abuse are vorced.
the two most common rea-
sons for the trend.
• 7 percent of Reform Jews are cur-
Yet, religion is a known rently divorced.
stabilizer of marriages, he
says, because it provides a
• 9 percent of Reconstructionist
"common language" be- Jews are currently divorced.
tween parents, and parents

Some Statistics

FEBRU ARY

PHOTOS BY DANIEL LIPPITT

an invitation to a wedding
or recruit another congre-
gant.
They may even be hired
guns looking to find a good
match and make a little
cash on the side.
Matchmakers, if they
are good at it, go into busi-
ness, collecting fees to pay
for the hours they spend
on the phones making
long-distance matches or
soothing a broken-hearted
mismatch. Others use the
fees to pay for sites on the
Internet designed to at-
tract more savvy singles.
But while the use of
modern technology has
drawn more attention to
the custom, matchmakers
are hardly a creation of the
modern era. In fact, the
first mention of a match-
maker is in the book of
Genesis; where Abraham's
servant chose Rebecca to
be Isaac's bride.
MATCHMAKER page 24

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