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13

this great America. I was pretty
much in the mood for this, con-
sidering where I'd just been.
Also, I was feeling smug about
my own perception of myself re-
garding prejudice. I held myself
above it.
Ms. Noonan continued talking.
She felt that citizens of the Unit-
ed States had not treated new im-
migrants and minorities with any
degree of prejudice. I bolted from
my comfortable position on the
couch as well as in the communi-
ty. Now it was my turn. "Wowz-
er," I said to no one in particular.
Has she lived up a tree?
To live in this world is to know
she is wrong. Most minorities have
been ostracized from the politi-
cal and economic power of the
mainstream.
Then Bernard Shaw said he
didn't know about others, but his
African-American brothers and
sisters had surely been held back.
I said again, "Wowzer." Here's a
white saying she doesn't think
there's a problem and a black say-
ing that it definitely happened to
his people. I was stunned.
This is the problem: If it doesn't
happen to me, it doesn't happen.
When are we all going to get it?
Unless we feel one anothefs pain,
we are all doomed. If I can't un-
derstand your Holocaust, then I
can't expect you to understand
mine.
I've taught adult education in
Highland Park for the last 12
years. About four years ago, one
of my students asked, "Are black
people really a minority?" We
talked about the definition of a mi-
nority and the size of the United
States in comparison to the world.

She was 22 years old but had nev-
er been outside of Highland Park.
I could see her limited point of
view: Since her neighborhood is
predominantly black, she as-
sumed the world followed suit. But
what were Peggy Noonan's and
Bernard Shaw's excuses? The old
"If it doesn't happen in my back
yard then I don't see it" shouldn't
work anymore.
Is there anything "regular cit-
izens" can do? I think so. Simple
things work well Don't participate
in ethnic jokes. It is possible to
leave the room when they are told.
I mean how many "black" jokes
can one laugh at in a lifetime?
Probably the same number of
"Jewish" jokes or "Polish" jokes or

"Italian" jokes. Lets just not laugh

anymore.
Did you know that the Muslim
holiday of Ramadan is the cele-
bration of Mohammed receiving
the Koran from God? My friend
Audrey told me about it over lunch
the other day. She took a class in
Eastern religions. What a great
idea! We could celebrate our dif-
ferences by learning about them.
It's Black History Month. In-
stead of being aggravated about it
or merely dismissing it, we could
read the articles in the newspaper
and perhaps even attend a func-
tion at the African-American Mu-
seum.
In Pirke Avot — the Saying of
the Fathers — our tradition teach-
es us not to separate ourselves
from the community. There is
much we can all do as Jews. Every
time we learn about others, we re-
ally learn more about ourselves.
Let's do it. ❑

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28

Before

in our
Classified Section

outfits and complain about their
mates' snoring. If nature called,
they'd go off in pairs.
Why?
Because women are about co-
operation. They interact well and
enjoy sharing information.
Men, on the other hand, enjoy
ESPN alone in the dark with a
frosty drink.
Women like to gather and dis-
cuss their feelings.
Men like the tool and tire de-
partment at Sears.
Women are about cooperation.
Men are about negotiation.
An example: Rob Becker says
that if the chip-and-dip supply
dwindles at a party, all of the
women will go off merrily to the
kitchen to refill it.
If a bunch of guys are sitting
around watching the game on a
Sunday and the chip-and-dip
runs out, an argument — no, a
negotiation will break out over
whose responsibility it is.

—

Why?
Because we like it that way,
and we can't change our basic na-
ture any more than women can.
What we can do is be more un-
derstanding of our differences.
Mr. Becker gently suggests to his
audiences that men and women
should "enter each other's world
and participate, without judg-
ment."
But beware, he cautions: It
takes an expenditure of energy
to delve into the "other world" for
any length of time.
Here's Mr. Becker's final word
of advice, and my advice to you:
Don't forget those first heady
days together, when it was still
new and exciting to explore that
bizarre, other world, if only for a
short time. Go spend some ener-
gy on your "other." It's well worth
the investment.
And you should only have a
Happy (and a healthy) Valen-
tine's Day. ❑

