C e leb rate !

PREMARITAL page C31

Then we teach skills on how
to talk, how to listen, how to
be aware of what we callfil-
ters. PREP is much more into
teaching couples skills rather
than just increasing aware-
ness."

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SPEAKER/LISTENER
TECHNIQUE
A key component of PREP is
its Speaker/Listener Tech-
nique, "a powerful way to
communicate safely and with
respect on the tough topics,"
reports the center. "It is not all
that different from other ap-
proaches and ideas about good
communication. However, it is
more structured, more specif-
ic."
PREP counselors caution
that before this technique can
be useful, couples need to prac-
tice it with easier topics - "top-
ics that don't push all your
buttons."
The technique basically gov-
erns how to speak and how to
listen. The speaker is given the
floor (symbolized physically
with a pen, remote control or
paperback) to state his or her
feelings on a matter, while the
listener cannot interrupt but
must paraphrase what he or
she believes the speaker has
said. The speaker passes the
floor to the listener as the two
change roles back and forth
during the conversation. Cou-
ples stay on one subject at a
time, can stop or use a timeout
and, ultimately, try to focus on
discussion rather than problem
solving.
"This is not a way to com-
municate most of the time,"
reports the center. "It is a way
to communicate when you are
dealing with a really difficult
topic. We have taught this ap-
proach to communication to
hundreds of couples and find it

is very helpful to them if they
are willing to try it, practice it
and give it a chance to work."

WHERE TO FIND HELP
PREP is offered throughout
the United States by mental
health professionals or clergy
who have been trained in the
techniques. Other similar pre-
marital programs may help you
and your intended achieve the
marital bliss you both seek.
PREP ranges from one-day
workshops, averaging about
$100 per person, to weekend
workshops at area resorts for
about $400, to six weekly ses-
sions two hours in length.
The Center for Marital and
Family Studies has a directory
of people trained in PREP
throughout the United States.
"Or you can call your local
church or synagogue - a lot of
clergy have been trained in
PREP or similar premarital pro-
grams," said Jenkins.
Write to The Center for
Marital and Family Studies,
University of Denver, 2155 S.
Race St., Denver, CO 80208;
or call (303) 871-3829.
According to the AAMFT,
premarital programs conduct-
ed by marriage and family ther-
apists average four to eight
sessions with the average total
time of 14 hours. The average
fee for MFTs is $80 per hour.
"We have found the best re-
ferral service is a local one,"
says John Ambrose, spokesman
for the AAMFT. "We recom-
mend that people search their
yellow pages under 'marriage
and family therapy,' or they
can write to us requesting a list
of state referral services operat-
ed by our state divisions."
Contact American Associa-
tion for Marriage and Family
Therapy, 1133 15th St., N.W.,
Suite 300, Washington, DC
20005; (202) 452-0109.