The ,

randr)arent
onnection

How to keep in touch with
grandchildren across the miles.

SELMA WASSERMANN SPECIAL TO THE APPLETREE

I

t is their third solo
flight, but I am still
counting the tiles in
the airport floor, wait-
ing nervously until
they appear from be-
hind the security door. They
have both gained a few
inches since last summer.
Their faces are longer, lean-
er, eyes dazed with the ex-
citement of their grown-up
journey and a night of short
sleep. I run to them and
hold them both in my arms,
and the three of us end up
in an awkward tangle and
almost fall to the floor.
"Grandma," Arlo whis-
pers, his face buried in my
jacket.
I want to hold them to
me forever.
"Is it all right?" I ask ten-
tatively, even though I al-

ready have committed the
crime. "Is hugging all
right?"
Simon, now past 14,
knock-'em-dead beautiful,
with a face that girls will die
for, has it figured out. "It's
all right here in Vancouver,
Grandma," he assures me.
"But not all right at
home, where you live?"
He smiles and nods his
head with my understand-
ing of his situation. It's not
cool for teen-aged boys to
be seen in a mushy em-
brace with anyone, let
alone an effusive grand-
mother.
Arlo has no such dilem-
ma. Just 13, he eats affec-
tion with a spoon and gives
it equally in return. While
this may change soon, I
mean to enjoy it while it

lasts. His tangled head of
curls has given way to thick
waves, and I find myself
mourning momentarily for
my adorable little boys,
now so grown and self-pos-
sessed. We collect the lug-
gage and are on the way
home, already deep into
planning the activities for
the long weekend's visit
with Grandma and Grand-
pa.
The five-month interval
has not even made a dent
in our relationship. We are
tightly bonded, connected
by a strong, emotional cord
that allows us to pick up
from where we left off at
the last visit, without even
missing a beat. There is not
a trace of awkwardness, no
having to search each other
out. Our last meeting could

have been yesterday.
The long-distance grand-
parenting strategies that I
invented and used since the
boys were very young have
borne fruit. Long-distance
grandparenthood need not
mean meeting for these in-
frequent visits as remote
strangers. There are ways of
bridging the gap of the
miles that separate grand-
parents from their grand-
children, and it's clear that
these ways do work.
"My parents live in Flori-
da," a colleague tells me.
"When we go to visit them,
we all have to work very
hard to make new connec-
tions between them and
.<
my two young children.
But they are really strangers K4
to the kids. The children
feel awkward and the ten-

13,