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Be Direct, Sympathize,
Keep Quiet
Don't discipline with a
drawn-out thesis on the virtues
of a harmonious society —
frank minimalism is much
more effective.
And campers respond very
well when your shpiel is coat-
ed with a heavy layer of sym-
pathy. A good opener when
addressing a camper is, "Wow,
you must be pretty upset right
now to have fought with Josh.
Something must really be both-
ering you. Want to talk about
it?"
He will, and right off the
bat, the kid realizes you under-
stand his fury and that he's the
one doing the talking; even if
he's needing to be disciplined
on an hourly basis, he'll cher-
ish another opportunity to give
you a piece of his mind.
He'll probably begin by ex-
plaining what happened in a
remarkably one-sided manner
and justify his actions by saying
Josh did so-and-so to him, an
act so heinous that he had no
choice but to respond with a
blow to the face.
After he's finished, summa-
rize back to him what he said
so that he knows you're listen-
ing. Then say something like,
"I understand why you're an-
gry; he shouldn't have been
calling you those names. But
you know that hitting Josh was
not the right thing to do. 'No
fighting' is one of our rules.
Tell me: why do you think it's
a rule?"
With older kids, the rule it-
self is of little value unless it
makes sense. Although there
are exceptions, most kids don't
want to maul, maim or kill,
and if they understand that ex-
cessive fighting can have these
results, they will find a better
outlet for their animosity.
The whole point of the con-
versation is to make the
camper realize that if he has a
problem, he is not expected to
handle it himself and should
seek a counselor.
But while this seems a sim-
ple enough solution, campers
are often embarrassed to seek
an adult's help. To do is to risk
flak from one's peers and, if a
kid is a troublemaker, puts him
in a situation where he doesn't
feel he'll be believed.
For these reasons, the
camper-counselor relationship
is the foundation underlying all
disciplinary endeavors. The
key is:
Communication
Kids know when they're
getting a raw deal. And if a
counselor expects any level of
respect from his campers, he
must return the favor. When it
comes to discipline, this means
enabling kids to understand
the "whys" rather than just the
"hows," and requires that the
counselor react to a first-time
offense forgivingly and with an
explanation.
Seth Kessler, a former Tama-
rack counselor, tells a story
with which I can empathize.
On a Saturday morning, the
one time at Tamarack when
counselors are afforded the op-
portunity to sleep in, Seth and
his co-counselor were rudely
awakened by rambunctious
early-risers making a ruckus in
and around the cabin.
Seth was angry, but kept his
cool when handling the situa-
tion. "This is our one morning
to get some sleep, so that we
can have the energy to make
camp fun for you guys during
the rest of the week," he ex-