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sporting events, it's not the stu-
dents acting rudely, it's the par-
ents. It's almost impossible to
eliminate the poor sportsmanship
demonstrated by adults, and it's
a very poor example. We can only
hope children have strong enough
values to understand that be-
havior like that is wrong and that
they'll choose to act in a better
way."
If you're looking for a reason to
talk with kids about manners and
coping skills, you don't have to
search much further than the
television or newspaper or maybe
even a child's storybook.
"There are examples around
every corner of people behaving
in a less-than-acceptable man-
ner," Ms. Burch said. "Talk with
your children about what they're
seeing on television and in the
movies. Ask them to define the
problems they see and to suggest
alternative behaviors.
"Even when your children step
out of line, before you scream, ask
if they considered how what they
did might have affected the oth-
er person and give them a chance
to make amends."
How early can children be
taught politeness and good man-
ners? Ms. Burch says even chil-
dren ages 3 and 4 can learn
simple lessons.
"Like sharing toys," said Ms.
Burch. 'They need to understand
that polite play is important and
you need to set lines and limits.
But they also need to feel some
ownership.
"Let a child pick two or three
things that under no circum-
stances will be shared, and at the
same time, make it clear that oth-
er toys will have to be shared with
the group."
For older children, Ms. Burch
says that the best-adjusted chil-
dren are the ones who help set
the rules of the house.
"Talk with your older children
about things like curfew, chores
and other expectations," she said.
"Remember that as the parent
you always have the final say, but
let them be part of the rule-mak-
ing process. Let them help set the
punishment, too, and make sure
they know in advance what the
punishment will be if they choose
to break the rules.
"More kids are willing to abide
by the rules if they have a strong
sense of understanding and feel
some ownership of the process."
In the end, there is almost
nothing you can do as a parent to
protect your children from the
rudeness of the world, but you can
make it a little gentler by pro-
viding positive coping skills.
"Make sure you expose your
children to positive situations as
well," said Ms. Burch. "Point out
when they act politely and when
you see others doing the same.
Hopefully, by seeing that the
world isn't always an ugly place,
they'll understand the rewards of
polite behavior." ❑
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