Setting Out

RABBI LAWRENCE KUSHNER SPECIAL TO THE APPLETREE

S

ooner or later, the
land always slopes to
ward the sea. This
time it was down the
narrow street leading from our
rooming house to the launch
dock. Some weathered New
England cottages, which had
heard it all before, leaned over
the street trying to eavesdrop.
But there was nothing new to
hear. It was only I who was
afraid he was going to die. It's
like that whenever I set out for
the boat
My friend, Louis, who has
sailed across the Atlantic and is
probably the best sailor I
know, was with me.
But this time it was my
boat and I was the cap-
tain.
"Nervous?" he
asked with an •
understand-
ing smile.
"Actually, I'm terrified," I
joked.
But we both knew it was not
entirely a joke. "That's the rea-
son long-distance sailors stop-
ping at an island to take on
provisions don't spend any
more time than absolutely nec-
essary," he consoled. "ft's never
spoken, but they're afraid they
won't have the nerve to get
back on the boat again."
he ocean is very big;
the boat is very small.
Once the voyage be-
gins, you can't get off:
Your feet won't touch the bot-
tom. You cannot hold back a
wave or redirect the wind. You
are dependent on your own
skill at llalancing the force of the

T

wind and the force of the sea.
Somehow, you must persuade
them to cooperate with one an-
other and, as a token of their
gratitude, accept a free ride in
repayment Even setting foot on
the boat and casting off requires
something like faith. It may be
like that with standing in the
presence of the Holy One: This
One deals not only life, but also
death. When the voyage or the
wedding or the worship service
is done, we return to the land
and its fixedness with a height-
ened appreciation for simply still
being alive.
Hopefully, most
of the time, a
brush with death
turns out to be a
brush with life.
Come to think
of it, I guess
you'd have to
say that of all of
the times — except the lastone
— brushes with death turn out
to be brushes with life. People
seem to require dramatically
varying amounts of "trembling"
to remind themselves that they
might die so that they can real-
ize they're really alive. Kafka
said that the meaning of life is
that it ends. 0

Excerpt from Invisible Lines of
Connection: Sacred Stories of
the Ordinaiyby Lawrence
Kushner, Jewish Lights Publish-
ing, $21.95 + $3.50 shipping
and handling, P.O. Box 237,
Woodstock, VT 05091. Credit
card order: 1-800-962-4544.
Permission granted by Jewish
Lights. Publishing.

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