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It kept me focused on something positive." Now, Ms. Bobrow realizes, even if her husband had lived their lives still would have changed because their children moved out of state. Holidays would be different than when the children were at home. "Now I take some time to think about what was. It makes me sad, but they are good memories. It's com- forting. However, I don't stay alone or get too deep into them. I can't bring them back," she said. Artist Iris Czajkowski of West Bloomfield not only lost her hus- band, Fritz, in 1990, she also faced the death of a close friend last summer. Holidays are espe- cially sad, she said, but she has learned to deal with them, thanks to several counseling ses- sions at a local synagogue. To cope with the loneliness af- ter the death of her husband, she started going out with friends or by herself. She would do an ac- tivity, like going to a movie or vis- iting friends, on days or times which reminded her of Fritz. A Few Hints For Beating The Blues Suffering from the holiday self and continually being in a blues? You're not alone. Many sad mood. Ms. Liroff recommends seek- people experience a bit of de- pression during the holidays, ing professional help if symp- says Maly Ellen Gaffney Liroff, toms persist more than two an employee assistance coun- weeks. "You may need to see selor at the Detroit Medical Cen- someone to get relief," she said. "Many holiday blues — such as ter. "Burdens get heavier during feeling sad, lonely and over- holidays," she said. "For people whelmed.— will pass once you in recovery, the holidays have built-in stresses and its a season where they try to stick by their recov- ery program. "One way to handle it is by identifying the stres- sor. For example, if the stressor is loneliness, call a friend or sponsor. Key in to the stress and try to fo- cus on what will make you more comfortable. "If there are cocktails at a party, bring a friend or don't go." Other tips include pin- ning special activities for yourself and getting enough rest, says Ms. Liroff. And remember that alcohol is also a depres Judy B obrow: A shadow cast by her sant. You don't have to be husba nd's death. married or have a signif- icant other to enjoy the season. get through New Year's Eve. Lynn Portnoy is the owner of a People get depressed if they retail shop in Royal Oak for have no one to share that 'glam- professional women. She only orous moment.' Once Jan. 1 ar- closes her store three holidays rives, they often get the feeling a year Thanksgiving, Christ- that 'now I can move on.' " "If life isn't meaningful and mas and New Year's Day — so she doesn't have much time for you can't enjoy it, do some- thing," adds Dr. Saferstein. holiday celebrations. "I don't have holidays like oth- "Try to seek professional help ers, so on my day off I invite peo- or try to do something different ple over and I cook," she said. in your life." To choose a counselor or psy- "As a person without a family, I make a point of doing it at my chologist, Dr. Saferstein sug- own house and having a few gests confiding in someone you people — all strays (without trust or asking your family families) — over. This works for physician for recommendations. He also suggests asking me. I never get depressed." When do the blues become friends. Make sure to ask if they serious enough to seek help? had a good experience with their Clinical psychologist Dr. Daniel counselor or psychologist and if Saferstein says persons who they felt they benefitted from are emotionally isolated are at the visits. Finally, Dr. Saferstein rec- greatest risk for depression. Other warning signs include a ommends looking for a profes- loss of energy, the inability to sional who is licensed. sleep, an inability to enjoy one-