JAI Entertainment

'My Fellow Americans'

'Mars Attacks'

dozes a massive snowman sculp-
ture whose huge carrot nose
fixing smart satire and sa- pierces the windshield and near-
vory performances from ly perforates Garner's face, it
debonair ladies' man scares the kishkas out of you.
The screenwriters clearly pos-
Matthew Douglas (James
Garner) and tightwad curmud- sess enough political savvy to en-
geon Russell Kramer (Jack Lem- joy tweaking Washington
mon) as former presidents of the bureaucrats and pompous, plat-
United States, My Fellow Amer- itudinous politicians. If you don't
icans is a delectable Americana recognize the role model for this
slapstick stew. Like very big fish picture's vice president, then you
probably can't spell pota-
out of water, these bitter
to. Given feisty political
rivals are unexpected-
MOVIES
opponents to play, Lem-
ly thrown together in
mon and Garner launch a
America's heartland
when rogue CIA operatives at- barrage of jibes, quips and put-
tempt to terminate them before downs which land with the sting-
they can trace the trail of deceit ing impact of a sudden hailstorm.
back to the Oval Office and ex- Unexpected zingers which detail
personal peccadilloes reveal clev-
onerate themselves.
In a series of hilarious encoun- erness, charisma and best of all,
ters, the two ex-presidents clash character. These are two old pros
with disenfranchised
constituents, hick
rent-a-car clerks and
gay rights marchers,
as well as negotiate
harrowing escapes
from trains, heli-
copters and public re-
strooms.
The film's action is
positively breakneck
with Garner and
Lemmon doing phys-
ical comedy that
would make Arnold Former Presidents Matt Douglas (James Garner) and
Kramer (Jack Lemmon) try to hide their
Schwarzenegger and Russell
identities in My Fellow Americans, which also stars
Bruce Willis proud. Di- Dan Aykroyd and Lauren Bacall.
rector Peter Segal has
scaled the seemingly
dangerous stunt work down to at the top of their game. My Fel-
human proportions which turn low Americans gets my vote; it's
even modest mishaps into per- a winning ticket.
ilous adventure. When Lemmon
peels out of a parking lot, bull-
® V co-) 1/2

Rated PG-13

ust when you thought the De-
troit Lions were the biggest
waste of talent in 1996, along
comes Mars Attacks. With all
the misused marquee names, un-
developed ideas and misallocat-
ed resources, you would swear
that Wayne Fontes was behind
this chaotic spectacle, not Tim
Burton, director of such well-re-
garded fantasy films as Beetle-
juice, Edward Scissorhands and
Batman Returns.
Given Burton's credentials and
a cast including Jack Nicholson,
Glenn Close, Annette Bening,
Pierce Brosnan, Martin Short,
Danny DeVito and Michael J.
Fox, one could expect a film that
is out of this world. Instead, Mars

il

Richard Halprin practices law
when he isn't watching movies.

Attacks crashes like a homemade showing off visually. As a result,
the characters are left floating
satellite.
Set in locations around the around like objects lost in space,
United States, the film features interacting randomly and with-
Nicholson as the befuddled out purpose.
By the time the Martians are
American president, unsure
which of his advisers to believe destroyed by a recording of Slim
as they offer suggestions on how Whitman's "When I'm Calling
You" (don't ask), you are al-
to deal with a fast-arriving
most convinced that they
Martian fleet. While
made up the entire story
Nicholson's performance
MOVIES
as they went along.
as president is as believ-
Supposedly, the film is a
able as Bill Clinton's (he
looks presidential), the script spoof on those 1950s science-fic-
gives him nothing interesting or tion movies about aliens invad-
funny to say. The same goes for ing Earth. Several of those films
Close as the first lady, Brosnan obtained cult status because they
as the alien expert, Bening as a were so bad that they were good.
After watching Mars Attacks and
boozy floozy and so on.
Having assembled a superstar all its promise, all you can say
cast, special-effects wizards and is "too bad."
creepy music maestro Danny Elf-
man, it seems as if Burton forgot
43
to invite a screenwriter to the
— Richard Halprin
party and was content with just

'One Fine Day'

H

ave you ever tasted cotton
candy made from saccha-
rine instead of sugar? Tech-
nically, I'm not even sure
it's possible to create, but if you
can imagine the film version of
such a concoction, it would be
One Fine Day, a movie that is in-
credibly lightweight and artifi-
cially sweet.
Michelle Pfeiffer and George
Clooney star as busy single par-
ents whose paths cross early one

morning when their
children miss a class
field trip. Both Pfeif-
fer, a budding archi-
tect, and Clooney, an
opinionated newspa-
per columnist, have
hectic days planned
with little margin for
Pfeiffer, a career-minded architect, and George
down time for them- Michelle
Clooney, a hard-driving newpaper columnist, are brought
selves, let alone day together by their cell phones in One Fine Day.
care for their kids.
Initially, Pfeiffer finds Clooney she's intolerant and needs to
insufferable, opining that he lighten up. Although they would
needs to grow up; Clooney thinks probably prefer to disassociate

PHOTO BY GEMMA LA MANA

Rated PG

Dick Rockwell is a registered

—Dick Rockwell

voter.

themselves, they become
inextricably linked when
their cellular phones are in-
advertently switched.
After frequent bickering
via their cell phones, they
agree to help each other out
with child care so that each
can meet his/her respective
responsibilities. By the end
of the day, both Pfeiffer and
Clooney have suffered
through the perils of
movieland babysitting, con-
quered their various pro-
fessional demons and have
fallen in love. What a day!
Now, I know the film is
well-meaning, but I question
why it had to be so cutesy. From
the contrived first meeting to the

contrived first kiss, everything
in the movie screams, "Hug me,
I'm adorable!" The characters,
adults and children alike, ooze
such pixie-stick charm, I yearned
to brush my teeth while the final
credits were still rolling.
The script does provide some
clever moments and a few gen-
uine laughs, but if it's possible to
criticize a film for being too nice,
One Fine Day warrants such crit-
icism and may very well be one
of the first Hollywood love sto-
ries that is best-suited for chil-
dren and best-avoided by
diabetics.

® 1/2

— Richard Halprin

PHOTO BY MI CHAEL TACK M

Secret Service agents hustle the first family — President James Dale (Jack Nicholson), First Lady Marsha Dale (Glenn Close)
and First Daughter Taffy Dale (Natalie Portman) — away from a Martian attack on the White House.

PHOTO BY MYLES AR ONOWITZ

© 1 996 WARNER BROS

Rated R