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Spanking
Vs.
Time Out

There are some very good reasons
why the old trip to the woodshed
has lost favor with modern disciplinarians.

BARBARA HART

SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

here was a time when spar-
ing the rod meant you were
spoiling the child. Today,
there's more talk about
"timeouts" rather than trips
out to the woodshed.
Discipline is a dilemma that every
parent faces. A recent Gallup poll sur-
veyed 1,000 parents 18 years of age
and older who have young children liv-
ing at home. Among the poll's findings:
• Eight-five percent said they had
screamed at their child.
• About 65 percent said they had
spanked their child with a bare hand.
• About 50 percent said they had
slapped their child on the hand, arm
or leg.
• Nearly 20 percent said they had
hit their child on the bottom with a
belt, brush or stick, and an addition-
al 10 percent said they had spanked
their child with a hard object.
But is spanking an effective disci-
plinary measure?
"I would tend to reserve spanking
for little ones in perhaps a safety-re-
lated situation," says Sharon Beck, a
licensed clinical social worker and
mother of four. "Generally speaking,
it is really not an effective method for
teaching children."
Ms. Beck said, "I've observed that
people go to extremes over this mat-
ter. I'm more middle of the road. I be-
lieve that after age 3 spanking is

Barbara Hart writes for Copley News

Service.

ineffective and it is too easy for people
to get out of control.
"Who hasn't been in that spot? De-
pending on the age, it is more effective
to give timeouts, suspend privileges
and use other age-appropriate meth-
ods."
Patricia Alvarado Rosenmann,
bilingual service coordinator and ther-
apist at a family counseling service,
said, "There is a difference between
punishment and discipline. In the
past, much of discipline was based on
fear. You misbehaved and you were
spanked or hit. Most of what we want-
ed to teach was lost. Good discipline
is intended to teach children to con-
trol themselves and why."
"Teaching preschoolers is more de-
manding," said Ms. Rosenmann.
"You have to be concrete because
they cannot understand concepts such
as time, for instance. You cannot say,
`You have five minutes to clean up
your toys' because five minutes is the
same as an hour to a young child.
Counting may work if the child has fa-
miliarity with numbers.
"You can engage small children in
problem solving. For example, you can
say to the child that little Kevin would
like some red clay to play with. What
can we do so that Kevin can play with
the red clay?' Children are very re-
sourceful when given the opportuni-
ty. Positive reinforcement also works
well with young children. Try to point
out what they did that was good.
'When dealing with adolescents,"

said Ms.Rosenmann, "a system of priv-
ileges is good, as is contracting with
them. For example, you can contract
with them prior to the weekend par-
ty and agree ahead of time what the
consequences will be in the event of a
broken curfew. It can be something
productive like extra chores as opposed
to grounding."
"In real life, there are consequences
for our actions, which is what we are
trying to teach our children," said
Ms.Rosenmann.
This sentiment is shared by Sharon
Fernandez, a mother of two.
"We don't want to spank in our
home because I believe it affects a
child's self-esteem and gives the wrong
message that violence is OK.
"In my experiences with disciplin-
ing, I've learned to use the 1, 2, 3
magic method, and also natural con-
sequences, which teach a child first-
hand the consequences of his/her
behavior," said Ms. Fernandez. "If they
are being destructive to a toy after be-
ing warned, the result may be a bro-
ken toy that they can no longer play
with."
What can a parent do when a disci-
pline situation gets out of hand?
According to Joy Byers, director of
communications for the National Com-
mittee to Prevent Child Abuse, there
are several things: "Any technique
where you can at least temporarily re-
move yourself from the situation will
help. If your children are old enough
to be left alone for a little while, take

a walk or go into another room and
take five minutes to calm down. You
can call a friend, take a shower or do
anything where you can to remove
yourself from the tension temporarily.
"The ultimate goal of discipline is
to teach children self-control." said Ms.
Byers. "Spanking is really the easy
way out. It takes creativity to find bet-
ter alternatives and one must ask the
question, What are you going to do
when they get older?' "
According to Ms. Byers, her orga-
nization is not against disciplining
children, but is in favor of discipline
that teaches children to control their
own behavior.
"I think parents are really looking
for other alternatives, but it's always
so vague and they don't know what to
do," said Ms. Byers. "This is why we
advocate taking a parenting class or
workshop where a parent can share
both problems and solutions with oth-
ers. I think some parents ,really do
struggle, and parents in general need
to be given a lot more credit for what
is a very rough job." El

To receive a brochure on how to
teach children discipline, or to ob-
tain informatign on any parenting
issue or prob14, you may; contact
vent
,t,,no rtit-wo,.
the National co—:
Children Abuse, 332 S chi
60604;
ve, Suite 1600, C *
6141hone (800) 56-N CA, fax:
12) 939-8962.
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