Your parents always
wanted the best for
YOU...

Now it's your turn to
give them the best.

The

PG

The ( Premier Rental Retirement Community

24111 Civic Center Drive • Southfield, MI 48034

(810) 352-0208

L

.14

Here's a rare opportunity for Detroit to see an
extraordinary collection of treasured possessions that
immigrants brought from their homelands!

BECOMING AMERICAN WOMEN:
Clothing and the Jewish
Immigrant Experience
1880-1920

THE DE TROIT JEWISH NEWS

This unique exhibition was created in Chicago and
has been seen in only a few cities. This showing in Detroit
is the last of the tour, so don't miss it! There is also a
special section - a collection of photographs of those
who came to Detroit to find a better life:

68

The Jewish Immigrant
Experience in Michigan

NOW OPEN FOR A LIMITED TIME!

Detroit Historical Museum
5401 Woodward at Kirby
Detroit
For hours and information, call
(313) 833-1805

Anna Steinberg 13 rentis. circa 1914.

SHY page 67

case of kvell. That's the Yiddish
term when adults give a childt-
too much credit. For instance, a
child makes a kite and it doesn't
fly. A parent might praise the
child's effort and blame the wind.
Feeling support and self-confi-
dent, the child is more likely to
develop another Jewish quality,
chutzpah.
Most schools have a flexible
curriculum that is structured to
bring out a child's expressiveness
through the arts, music, drama,
gym, among other ways, accord-
ing to Dr. Helene Cohen, assis-
tant principal at Hillel Day
School. Typically, observing a shy
child in places other than in the
classroom can provide clues into
their uneasiness.
"You start with trying to un-
derstand the world through their
eyes," she said. "There's an in-
tegrity to the way a child sees the
world. It might appear that a
child needs more interactions,
but it might not be appropriate
for their goals." Parents, she said,
can help a child identify person-
al goals, such as if a child wants
more friends, to play an instru-
ment or a sport.
Stressing routine and pre-
dictability provides much-need-
ed structure for a shy child who
may fear unpredictable situa-
tions, said Dr. Cohen. The tenets
of Judaism also offer solace.
"Religious rituals contain
many references that we're all
made in God's image," she said.
"When a child hears this and
thinks about it, it helps them to
realize that if we're all created in
the image of God then each of us
is perfect. That's extremely help-
ful in building a child's sense of
self-esteem."
The causes for distress and ex-
cessive nervousness may be the
result of a rapid cultural trans-
formation, according to Benardo
Carducci, who authored a recent
article on shyness in Psycholo-
gy Today.
Basically, Dr. Carducci sug-
gests that technology is redefin-
ing how we communicate.
Organized team sports have re-
placed neighborhood pick-up
games. There are fewer face-to-
face daily interactions. (When
was the last time you talked with
a teller inside a bank?) To further
exacerbate our isolation, the In-
ternet seems ideally suited for
the shy to sit back in a faceless
cyberworld.
In an American culture that
rewards assertiveness, domi-
nance and risk-taking, being shy
can have debilitating conse-
quences. Missed opportunities,
an inability to speak up and a re-
luctance to try new things may
be the result of a deep-seated
fear. Overcoming shyness at an
early age, many experts contend,
can help a child develop appro-
priate coping skills and provide
a foundation for growth into
adulthood.

The recent controversial book
on birth order, Born To Rebel by4., ,
Frank Sulloway, a science histo-w
rian at Massachusetts Institute
of Technology, has reduced be-
havioral tendencies to a place in
a family structure. Generally,
birth order is considered a "con-
tributing factor" in explaining be-
havior, along with inherited
disposition and environmental
influences.
It's unlikely that a person is 00
shy solely because of their birth
rank. What is more likely, how-
ever, is that labeling a young
child is detrimental.
"When you label a child as 'shy,'
they see themselves as shy and
they think there's a reason for
them to be afraid," said Mary Ann
Timmis, director of the early child-
hood program at Children's Hos-
pital of Michigan. "Adults tend to
overreact and bring more atten- 4po
tion to a child's shyness."
Engaging in play therapy can
help a child ease into discomfort-
ing situations, according to Dr.
Timmis. "If they fear going to
school, play out successfully going
to school and coming home. Play
out mom being there waiting for
them. Let the child rehearse the
whole situation with dolls."
Being honest, reassuring a
child that it's okay to have fears
and never forcing a child to par-
ticipate against his will can build
trust between a child and parent.
When it comes time to getting a
child to open up, Dr. Timmis sug-
gests "taking a gentle and dis-
tracted approach."
Since many shy children are iro
extremely self-conscious, she not-
ed that focusing on someone or
something other than themselves
can distract the child from cling-
ing to his fear.
"Parents have to find the bal-
ance of respecting the time it
takes a child to find their way to
interacting, and knowing when
to seek intervention," said Dr.
Timmis, who noted that parents
must determine if their child's
shyness seriously hinders them
from participating with other
children. Typically, a child's de-
velopment may be hindered by
shyness if he continues to cling
desperately or display avoidance
behavior for four to six months.
Even in serious cases of shy-
ness, there's hope that a child's
natural resiliency will make-up
for any lost time.
"You'll hear kids say they hate 410
each other one minute, and the
next minute they're inviting each
other over to play," said Dr. Co-
hen. 'There's a lot of fluidness in
how a child interreacts with the
world."
On Noah's way home from
preschool, he told his dad that
he had a "great time in school"
and couldn't wait for tomorrow. .
His father borrowed Noah's
stuffed friend. "Captain Frisco,"
gave it a tight squeeze, then
sighed. ❑

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