by: Susan Shapiro

With Some Dreidels
You Win, No Matter
Which Side It Lands On...

Tradition! Tradition!

T HE DETRO IT J E WISH NE WS

Call Alicia R. Nelson
for an appointment
(810) 557-0109

Next time you feed your face, think about your heart.

Go easy on your heart and start cutting back on foods that are high in saturated
fat and cholesterol. The change'II do you good.

" American Heart Association

WE'RE FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE

LIFESTYLE page 130

Then, I grew up and married
a great guy who was far less con-
fused about his Jewish identity
than I was. He was raised in a
traditionally Conservative home.
Still, he too had both his feet
planted firmly in the secular
world. It was decided before we
married that we were going to try
to find a deeper meaning in our
Judaism. We figured, keeping
kosher was the most logical (and
easiest) first step to this deeper
understanding. How hard could
it be to separate all the milk and
meat stuff We'd buy a few extra
pots, pans and dishes, alter a few
recipes and everything would be
set. I assumed I'd be able to read
a "how to" book and everything
would fall into place. Looking
back, I can't believe how incred-
ibly naive we were.
So, I started reading. When I
got to the part about using the
separate dish cloths for the milk,
meat and parve dishes I was
ready to hang up those color co-
ordinated milk and meat oven
mats. Luckily, I've been blessed
with a mother-in-law who has in-
finite amounts of patience and
more than just a little knowledge
about running a Jewish house-
hold. Above all else, she has a
wonderful sense of humor that
has became my rock. That and a
trash can full of my "accidents"
got me through some of those
early milk spoon in the meat dish
culinary mistakes. Everything
was going along great. Then we
decided to have children.
When they were very young,
teaching our children about
Shabbat, the holidays, and the
way to truly enjoy a Jewish life
was easy. It was as much a learn-
ing experience for us as it was for
them. As they grew, so did we.
Gradually we added more and
more religious rituals to our dai-
ly lives. Then they started pre
school. It was at this time that
we came to the realization that
our children would be talking in
a somewhat more intelligent
manner in the not too distant fu-
ture. Could all those pesky, hard
to answer questions we'd already
been asking ourselves be too far
behind? "How come we eat in
restaurants that aren't kosher?"
"How come we watch TV and
drive on Shabbat?" We knew we
didn't have the right answers to
the questions. It was time for our
family to take the next step. In
order to walk the walk and talk
the talk we needed to live the life.
Moving to another town where
the Jewish population was larg-
er and more observant was not
an option. Our family business is
not one we could relocate.
The choices we made were not
easily conceived and imple-
mented. To say that my hus-
band's and my ideas on how to go
about leading this more religious
life didn't exactly coincide is like
saying that all the members of

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how it should be run. After years
of me taking the most LIBERAL
interpretation possible and him
opting for a more traditional ap-
proach we've been able to settle
into a comfortable compromise
that works for us. We'd discov-
ered the joy and delight that
comes with the commitment to
Judaism.
Sadly, during this voyage of
discovery several friends and
family members became uncom-
fortable with our life style
changes. Our relationships have,
unfortunately, become distant.
Then, just as we were finally be-
coming comfortable with the
changes we'd made the small
synagogue we'd belonged to for
many years decided to become
egalitarian. With the closest tra-
ditional and/or Orthodox shul
over 100 miles away we realized
that remaining true to what we
believed meant that we were on
our own.
So, just like Abraham and
Sarah we've had to make our life
in the "wilderness." Actually,
sometimes it feels more like we're
Custer and the Indians are clos-
ing in. Yes, I am often frustrated
trying to give my children a sense
of Jewish identity while living in
an area that haS no Hebrew day
school, thinks that the height of
culinary joy is a slab of baby back
ribs and is affection called "the
city of churches." We belong to
an Orthodox shul 185 miles
away, travel there for all the hol-
idays. We daven at home on
Shabbat when we aren't at our
shul and keep the flame alive the
best we can. Sometimes I worry
that even though we're giving it
our best, our best is just not
enough.
Then, every once in a while,
usually when I'm at the end of
my patience with a place that
seems to be totally lacking in yid-
dishkeit or at the very least of-
fers us some acknowledgement
of who and what we are, some-
thing happens to remind me that
there is a reason I'm still here.
Sometimes the signs are very
subtle, sort of like a hiccup in our
everyday life. It's when my 11
year old put a kippa on his
younger brother's head and
helped him as he struggled to re-
member all the words of the
motzie. He told him God was al-
ways glad to hear a blessing no
matter where you were even if
you didn't get all the words right.
Another time, it was when one
my youngest son's non- Jewish
friend called and said that he was
changing the day of his birthday
party from a Saturday to a Sun-
day so that my son wouldn't miss
it. But one of the sweetest signs
was when one of my not-so-ob-
servant friend's daughter begged
her mother to let her stay with
us for Shabbat dinner because it
was so much more interesting at
our house. The whole family

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