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FILA JOHNSTON-MURPHY
ECCO ROCKPORT NIKE

Later-Life Marriage
Presents Problems

BARBARA FITZSIMMONS

SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

Dating as a senior is one thing.
Getting married is another.
"Although I am an intelligent
college graduate, I was not aware
that remarriage at this stage of
life was so complicated," writes
ane Hughes Barton in her book
Remarriage After 50 (Roger
Thomas Press).
Ms. Barton was a 62-year-old
teacher and a widow of two years
when she remarried; she and her
new husband quickly found they
had to make many adjustments.
A lot of people aren't able to
make those adjustments. Ac-
cording to the American Associ-
ation of Retired Persons, those
who remarry within two years of
their spouse's death have a par-
ticularly high divorce rate. In ad-
dition, the number of divorced
people over age 64 has grown
three times as fast as the older
population as a whole since 1980.
Ms. Barton interviewed senior
marrieds across the country about
how they handled the challenges.
The following is a list of some
of the common trouble spots to
consider:
• Energy level: "Do you have
the energy level to create a new,
intimate, daily relationship and
a new social life with a different,
older spouse?" Ms. Barton asks.
A lot of stamina is needed, not
only for the couple relationship,
but for myriad relationships with
the new spouse's family members
and friends.
• Health: Are you in good
health? Is your partner? Though
most people don't like to think
about it, old age generally brings
health problems. Marrying after
50 may mean you will soon end
up caring for your spouse, or he
for you. Do you have the energy
to care for someone else? Is your
partner someone you could trust
to care for you?
• Retirement: A new marriage
can be stressful, and retirement
can be stressful. If both happen
around the same time, it may
strain the relationship to the
breaking point. Ms. Barton rec-
ommends that husband and wife
develop separate, as well as joint,
interests and hobbies that can fill
the void left by retirement.
• Sex: "Sexual enjoyment,
which is a major emotional bond
in a good first marriage, is often
missing in older remarriage," Ms.
Barton says. Men may lose po-
tency for physical reasons, and
women may lose interest. "But
giving and receiving loving feel-
ings, touching, hugging and snug-
gling can go on all your life." ❑

Barbara Fitzsimmons writes for
Copley News Service.

