SIN Entertainment

'Spy Hard'

'Dragonheart'

not make up in acting. The movie's
only strong point is the voice of Sean
ragonheart is the story of Draco, Connery, which brings a sense of pow-
the last dragon on earth, and his er, authority and mystery to the screen.
alliance with a knight of the old The other actors are fairly mediocre.
code. Bowen the knight, played by Dina Meyer, best remembered
Dennis Quaid, and Draco (voice of Sean for her 12-episode stint as Lucinda in
Connery) team up at first to benefit "Beverly Hills 90210," stars as the beau-
tiful peasant girl.
themselves by staging Draco's
The same team who made
death. Later, they unite in bat-
MOVIES
Jurassic Park come to life also
tle for the welfare of their coun-
created Draco, who resembles a
try, suppressed under the
cross between a T-Rex and a Gremlin.
tyranny of King Einon (David Thewlis).
Ironically, the king is connected to Dra- Draco is a computer-generated dragon
co by a strange twist of fate — they who can blow smoke but unfortunately
not stir fires within the audience. Cred-
share the same heart.
Unlike Quaid's last big hit, however, it should also go to the animators at In-
Dragonheart is not Something to Talk dustrial Light & Magic.
Dragonheart is a fable and is there-
About. What it lacks in storyline, it does

Rated PG-13

D

fore suited to younger audiences; the
storyline and humor are based accord-
ingly. Parental guidance is recom-
mended, however, due to a couple of gory
scenes at the beginning of the movie.
While there are a few poignant mo-
ments, for the most part the movie drags
on. This Celtic tale's attempt to convince
the viewer that chivalry and honor are
still alive and well is simply a dead ef-
fort.

,00 '12

— Erin R. Schwartz

PHOTO BY INDUSTRIAL LI GHT & MAGI C

Two enemies, a
dragon-slaying
knight (Dennis
Quaid) and the
last remaining
dragon, form an
alliance to battle
tyranny in the
land.

PHOTO BY CHRI S CAPSTICK

Kate Beckinsale and Joanne rustic comedy, Flora is frequent-
Lumley star in Cold Comfort ly called "Robert Poste's child."
Farm.
Could Flora Poste be the an-

tecedent for Emily Post's brand
of social etiquette? After all, Flo-
ra has an indefatigable urge to neaten things up.
Slowly, slyly, incrementally, Flora makes her indelible
mark on Cold Comfort Farm. Whether she stoically
thwarts the advances of roguish, movie-star handsome
farmboy Seth (Ruffus Sewell), or matter-of-factly advis-
es the willing stable girl about proper birth control ("the
cautionary arts"), Flora is on a mission to restore order to
the Starkadder farm. Indeed, the matriarch of the clan,
Ada Doom (Sheila Burrell), who prefers to remain in Miss
Havisham-like exile in her own room, will prove to be Flo-
ra's greatest challenge.
Director John Schlesinger (Midnight Cowboy) is back
on his game here. There are many surprises which I shall
leave unspoiled, including a wonderful fate for the fire-
and-brimstone preacher Amos (Ian McKellen). But the
one that will leave you in stitches commences with the
fanfarish processional use of "Tara's Theme" from Gone
with the Wind. Schlesinger has skillfully mined the rich
vein of English literature (as did Sense and Sensibility,
Jane Eyre, and Persuasion) to explore its social customs,
surprising character transformations and sometimes
bawdy humor. Cold Comfort Farm is an engaging romp.

Q

72

'

—Dick Rockwell

Rated PG-13

T

o call a Leslie Nielsen movie ridiculous
is not to pass judgment. It is merely stat-
ing the obvious. After the "Police Squad!"
TV series, and the Naked Gun trilogy,
we could neither expect nor hope for any-
thing else from the elder statesman of out-
rageous slapstick comedy. This having been
said, I assure you that even by spoof-stick
standards, Spy Hard, the latest Nielsen en-
deavor, is an unbearably crummy movie.
Part Bond, part Phelps, part Holmes,
Agent WD-40/Dick Steele (Nielsen) was the
Agency's top spy, the man who brought
down evil megalomaniac General Rancor
(Andy Griffith). But Steele's victory came
at a great cost: his colleague and love, Vic-
toria Dahl (Stephanie Romanov), fell to her
death in the line of duty, slipping, quite lit-
erally, from his very grasp. Despondent,
Steele resigned from the service.
That was 15 years ago. Now Rancor is
back, armless, but just as dangerous as ever
— a special silicon chip is all he's lacking
in his latest plot to take
over the world. This time
MOVIES
Rancor has captured Bar-
bara Dahl (also played by
Romanov), Victoria's daughter, with the
hopes of luring Steele to his high-tech head-
quarters; only with Steele out of the picture
can Rancor's evil plan succeed.
When he is finally coerced off the golf
course and out of retirement by the direc-
tor of the Agency (Charles Durning), Steele
begins his pursuit for the chip and for re-
venge. Aided by the mysterious and beau-
tiful Agent 3.14 (Nicollette Sheridan) and
car-crazy agent Kabul (John Ales), Steele
weaves his way through Los Angeles, brav-
ing an endless string of close calls and har-
rowing experiences.
Eventually, he finds Professor Ukrinsky
(Elya Baskin), the Russian scientist cap-
tured by Rancor who is perfecting the sili-
con chip, and meets tete-a-tete with his
longtime nemesis in a final battle that will
decide the fate of the world.
There is no doubt as to the fate of this
movie. It will soon be entering "the void of
films not worth remembering for any rea-
son whatsoever." Aside from a few chuck-
les here and there, little can be gleaned from
Spy Hard, except perhaps a headache, and
even cameos by such celebrities as Ray
Charles, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and Al
Yankovic fail to salvage a lost cause.
Meanwhile, Nielsen's Steele, though rem-
iniscent of Lt. Frank Drebin, is not blessed
with any of the commodities of his Naked
Gun counterpart — namely, a good script,
plot or cast.
There is a fine line between what is fun-
ny and what is simply stupid. If you want
a definite example of the latter, see Spy
Hard.

.0w .

— Dan Zimmerman

See movie listings on page 94

