•
YOUR NEAREST CHRYSLER/PLYMOUTH
JEEP/EAGLE DEALER!
996 Eagle Talon
1996 Plymouth Grand Voyager
I,
Talking Helps
Recovery
BY BARBARA FITZSIMMONS
SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS
•
•
After her husband died of
prostate cancer in 1988, Virginia
Hall felt such an intense pain in
her chest, she believed she was
having a heart attack.
She wasn't; it was a minor car-
diac problem magnified by her
tremendous sadness.
She wasn't losing her mind, ei-
ther, though it seemed so. Fin-
ishing a single page in a book or
watching a 30-minute television
program seemed impossible.
"I couldn't concentrate at all,"
said the 58-year-old secretary for
the San Diego Port District.
Concerned that she wasn't go-
ing to make it through her pro-
found grief, Mrs. Hall attended a
meeting of an area Widowed Per-
sons Resource Group and came
away with two comforting real-
izations: She wasn't alone, and
other people had survived this ex-
perience.
"When I told the group what
was happening to me, they all
nodded, and someone said, 'I
couldn't read a book for a year.'
Then I knew I wasn't going
crazy."
Today, seven years into wid-
owhood, Ms. Hall feels recovered
and happy with her single life.
She also now serves as facilitator
of the Widowed Persons Resource
Group, working to bring togeth-
er grieving spouses so they may
heal as she has.
"I tell them it's OK to cry, to
feel terrible and to hurt," she said.
"Its OK to be confused, distract-
ed and forgetful. You need to get
plenty of sleep, eat properly, take
vitamins and find someone to
talk to."
Talking is key to recovering
from the death of a spouse, ac-
cording to Ms. Hall and experts
at the Grief Recovery Institute in
Los Angeles. But such commu-
nication is best done with some-
one who has plenty of time and
patience, and, better yet, personal
experience with such a loss.
"Some people think that losing
a child is the worst loss, but los-
ing a spouse is No. 1, the most an
said Russell Friedman,
who with author John James
("The Grief Recovery Handbook")
runs the Grief Recovery Institute.
"Losing a spouse is like losing a
piece of your body. Just imagine
what it's like to be 85 and have
your best friend of 60 years die."
Even so, Mr. Friedman said,
recovery is possible, but not easy
in a culture that is uncomfortable
with grief.
Contrary to popular cultural
beliefs, there are certain things
friends and relatives of grievers
should never say, Friedman said.
TALKING page 66
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