COLLEGE BOUND
"I Wanted To Be
A Doctor.
Hebrew Free Loan
Gave Me The Shot
I
Letting Go
Of Your Student
Needed." Dr. Eric Groskind
Dr. Groskind is grateful to the Hebrew Free Loan for providing him the educational loans he
needed to get through medical school back in 1981. Currently, as a practicing physician, the doctor
takes time out of his busy schedule to sit on the HFLA Board of Directors. You could say that after
fourteen years Dr. Groskind still has the spirit of Hebrew Free Loan in his veins.
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In the month before first-year
students pack their bags for col-
lege, their normally peaceful fam-
ilies become snappish and
over-stressed.
Children shout that they can't
wait to go. Parents snarl back, "I
can't wait to see you go." And yet
... everyone is feeling guilty and
a little bit sad. What is going on
here?
`The trauma of letting go," ex-
plains Shirley Bradshaw, a coun-
selor at University of Michigan
Counseling and Psychological
Services.
The process of separating will
continue well into the first year,
Ms. Bradshaw says. To make the
break somewhat easier, she sug-
gests that parents take the fol-
lowing steps:
• If your emotions are very
strong and affecting your behav-
ior, talk about your anxiety with
your child.
If you are bringing your child
to campus, say your good-byes at
home.
• Recognize that you are now
leaving the control zone of par-
enthood and entering the sup-
portive zone. Reassure your child
that he or she can cope with col-
lege and that you will be there for
them — if they need you. Above
all, avoid flooding them with ad-
vice and lectures about success.
• If they are calling home dai-
ly, consider putting on your an-
swering machine and screening
calls. When you do return the
call, push them gently out into
the world. Encourage them to ex-
plore the campus grounds and
make new friends.
• The phone call after the first
exam can be difficult. How you
respond depends on your child.
Some will need to hear that you
love them no matter what. Oth-
ers need gentle guidance. You
could ask, "Could you have done
better if you wanted to? Should
you talk to your professor or
teaching assistant?
• Don't visit until you are in-
vited or until Parents Weekend.
Respect your child's privacy and
independence.
• Send letters with family
news but do not fill them in on
every tragic mishap in the neigh-
borhood. Keep them updated but
do not generate anxiety, stress or
depression.
• Before Thanksgiving vaca-
tion, discuss your expectations
about their return to house rules.
Remember that although you
sent a high-school student off to
college, a young adult is corning
home; not that they will be ful-
ly mature — many will revert to
high-school behavior at home —
but encourage them to behave as
adults by treating them as
adults. [I