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Life in (Diet) Hell
Seven days that shook my world.
What Price, Fat-Burning Soup?
DAVID ZEMAN STAFF WRITER
I
was browsing the magazine
rack, clutching a Hostess cher-
ry pie in my hand, when I
stumbled upon a recent issue
of GQ at my corner drugstore. On
the left margin, to one side of
swimsuit model Tyra Banks' bo-
som, was something equally
provocative:
"Lose 15 lbs. This Week," the
headline blared.
Hmmm. The cherry pie wrap-
per crinkled in my hand as I
turned to Page 92 and scanned the
story on this miracle diet, a hare-
brained regiment designed around
a vegetable concoction known as
"fat-burning soup."
Could it be true? Could I really
lose 10 to 17 pounds in one week
as the article promised? And if I
did, would my sudden weight loss
be offset by the specter of being
left in an irreversible coma?
Fair questions. Even the author
of the GQ piece acknowledged the
questionable benefits of the diet.
For one thing, nutritionists hate
it — something about the diet's
high sodium and beef content
leading to dangerous cholesterol
levels among people with heart
problems. The experts also not-
ed that — as with most weight-
loss schemes — folks tend to
regain their old shapes afterward.
"It's a ridiculous diet and I like
myself too much to try it," said
Heidi Skolnik, a New York City
nutritionist.
Ms. Skolnick said people who
lose 10 or more pounds in a week
are kidding themselves if they
think they're losing fat. What they
are shedding, she said, is mostly
water and lean muscle mass.
"People become so focused on
the scale, they don't care what
they're losing," she sighed. 'They
are just happy they're losing some-
thing."
But in truth, the time had come
for bold measures. For five years,
my weight had climbed slowly, but
inexorably, as I settled into a
sedentary routine of writing sto-
ries at a computer during the day
and eating like an East-African
wildebeest in the evening.
Despite occasional forays to the
gym, I had swelled from a trim
enough 180 pounds to a beefy 198,
too heavy for my 5-foot-11 1/2-inch
frame.
As much as I tried to hide my
expanding physique with baggy
sweaters and loose-fitting jack-
ets, I'd noticed my pants had be-
trayed me — stretching tight
against my rear, and causing my
front pockets to flare like the
nostrils of a startled water buf-
falo.
With a vacation to Montana
looming, I found myself unable to
fit into athletic gear I'd worn com-
fortably a few years earlier. At age
37, my body was starting to look
less like Joe Piscopo's and more
like Joe Pesci's.
I began the diet.
DAY 1:Eat all the soup and all
the fruit (except bananas) you
want. Drink only black coffee,
unsweetened tea, water or cran-
berry juice.
I eat two apples, watermelon,
grapefruit and an orange — and
three bowls of soup. OK, I modify
the soup slightly, leaving out the
cabbage, which I detest. The first
bowl goes down smoothly enough,
the onion mix giving it a tangy
kick. But by my third helping, a
cakey paste begins to form on the
roof of my mouth.
Already, my work colleagues'
eating habits are beginning to
grate. My office is filled with
women who weigh 107 pounds
and consume half their body
weight each day in bagels, pas-
tries, Slurpees and groaning deli
sandwiches. When they are not
eating, they are phoning for take-
out.
'Does the Bambino bread come
with sauce?" is the kind of take-
no-prisoners telephone interview
heard in the newsroom as the
lunch hour nears.
I had the uneasy feeling they
were taunting me. •
DAY 2: Along with the soup, eat
,
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all the fresh veggies you want, raw
or cooked. Concentrate on leafy
greens if you can, but stay away
from dried beans, peas and corn.
Eat no fruit. At dinner, have a
baked potato with butter.
I am already rebelling. The
thought of eating vegetables in
any form for breakfast sets my
stomach churning. I drink coffee
and wait for lunch. By 1 p.m., the
smell of fat-burning soup still fails
to inspire. I decide to skip the soup.
I forage instead on Boston let-
tuce and carrot sticks, adding a
splash of balsamic vinegar to keep
me from sprouting bunny ears.
That evening, I find the biggest
potato in my fridge and devour it
with four generous dollops of but-
ter.
I sneak two slices of watermel-
on for dessert. So sue me.
DAY 3: Eat all the soup, • veg-
etables and fruit you want, but no
potatoes.
I awake late Sunday morning,
down a pot of coffee and an entire
cantaloupe for breakfast. I go to
the health club for a light work-
out. The scale shows I've already
lost nearly 5 pounds:
I'm not surprised. After three
days of greens and caffeine, my
body is 90 percent gas.
I force down a large serving of
the soup. I am nauseated. The
soup rumbles through my innards
like a bowl of plague. Later, I dis-
cover I can't remove the soup odor
from a thermos. It's as if the fat-
burning soup had taken on a life
of its own. I half expect it to creep
up the stairs at night and stran-
gle me in my sleep.
roe
a hamburger (no bun) at lunch,
and a delicious sirloin for dinner.
On moral grounds, I refuse to eat
a can of tomatoes.
DAY 5: Eat 10 to 20 ounces of
beef and a can of tomatoes or as
many as six fresh tomatoes. Drink
at least six glasses of water. Eat at
least one bowl of soup.
Feeling moderately refreshed
by my red meat binge, I glumly re-
turn to my Day 4 regiment of ba-
nanas and milk. At lunch, I order
a Thai vegetable dish to replenish
nutrients lost from the soup. I
chase the pad pak with another
banana.
DAY 6: Eat all the beef and veg-,
etables you want, but no potato.
Have at least one bowl of soup.
It's unlimited beef day, and I
feel alive. At precisely 12:15 p.m.,
I sit before a plate of marinated
flank steak and hamburger, beef
as far as the dish can hold. I will
catch up on veggies later.
Funny though. After a week of
leafy greens and fruit salad, the
meat fills me quickly. I feel an un-
comfortable lumpiness in my gut
all afternoon. A beef dinner offers
similar discomfort. If only I could
balance the meal with bread, or
rice, or something.
This diet has taken the joy out
of being a carnivore.
DAY 7: Unlimited amounts of
'F
brown rice, unsweetened fruit
juices and vegetables. Have at least
one bowl of soup.
Brown rice is tasteless and
gummy, so I add vegetables from
a dish called Chap-chae, a nasty
Korean dish that, roughly trans-
lated, means "goat snot."
That evening, grim and irrita-
ble, I return to the gym for the big
weigh-in. I'm shocked, and
pleased. I am down to 189, a loss
of nine pounds. It's not quite what
the diet promised but, hey, let's
face it: It's not a fat-burning soup
diet if I've thrown out the fat-burn-
ing soup.
My clothes feel marginally loos-
er, though I still haven't yet tried
on that old athletic gear. And I
don't feel the surge of energy the
diet promised.
But, if nothing else, the diet has
given me the push I needed to
want to lose more weight. So I vow
to spend the next few months eat-
ing sensibly, drinking moderate-
ly, exercising regularly and, with
any luck, getting back to my lithe
180-pound form.
And when I reach my goal,
when I am propelled back to
healthful living by this strict reg-
imen of good food and hard work,
I intend to fulfill one more
promise: I intend to find the in-
ventors of fat-burning soup and
sue them for every cent they've
got. ❑
DAY 4: Along with the soup, eat
up to eight bananas and drink as
much skim milk as you can.
I wake up feeling queasy. Every
time I think of the soup, I gag. I
throw out the soup.
I need real nourishment. I will
not spend the day like some
chimp, grazing idly on bananas
and milk. I skip to the Day 5
menu, which involves beef, lots of
beef. Despite my sickly state, I eat
Basic Fat-Burning Soup, as described by GQ:
6 large green onions
2 green peppers
1 bunch scallions
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 bunch celery
1/2 head of cabbage
1 can V-8 juice
1 package Lipton Onion Soup Mix
1-2 cubes beef or chicken bouillon,
if desired
Chop vegetables, combine all ingredients in a stock pot and add enough water
to cover. Boil 10 minutes. Reduce to simmer and cook until vegetables are tender.
Eat at much as you want at any time of the day.
Stay with the diet and you will lose 10 to 17 pounds in seven days. Wait at
least 24 hours after the diet ends to consume alcohol. Also forbidden: bread, fried
food, or any kind of carbonated drink, even diet soda. Stick with water, unsweet-
ened tea or fruit juice, black coffee and skim milk. You can substitute broiled
or baked skinless chicken instead of beef. On one of the beef days, you also
may substitute broiled fish. If your bowel movement changes — which it will —
eat a cup of bran or fiber. As with any diet, consult a doctor or nutritionist first.
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