'If Lucy Fell' 'Bottle Rocket' Rated R Medical School or pursue her n If Lucy Fell, screen- dream and open a school for chil- writer/director/actor Eric dren with Joe? Since Parker is a Schaeffer wants our sympa- pretty girl with charm and wit, thy as Joe MacGonaughgill, we actually care, despite her char- a 29-year-old artist obsessed with acter's unrealistic and sickening super-sexy, way-out-of-his-league, idealism. Joe, on the other hand, fails to completely unapproachable Jane (Elle Macpherson). Joe's room- earn the sympathy he seeks. mate and longtime friend, thera- When he finally meets Jane at his own art show, he gets her pist Lucy Ackerman to go out with him much (Sarah Jessica Parker), MOVIES too easily. As it turns out, has romance problems of Jane is not interested in a her own. Wallowing for over two years serious relationship, but only in in a meaningless relationship, fulfilling Joe's fantasy. This, of she, and her love life, have struck course, is bad news to Joe, who rock-bottom. If they don't find love promptly dumps her. Every male by their 30th birthdays (one audience member is perturbed: month away), these star-crossed "Come on, buddy. Grow a hor- friends must honor the pact they mone." Yet, as the movie pro- Rated R T The calendar on Joe's (Eric Schaeffer) wall counts down the days to Lucy's (Sarah Jessica Parker) 30th birthday. made in college: a double suicide off the Brooklyn Bridge. Schaef- fer's self-aggrandizing, unfunny script has the movie audience yelling: Jump, Joe, jump! Posing as a quirky Generation X romantic comedy, Lucy falls on its face right from the get-go. It . opens with sexual yet exceeding- ly lame humor and regresses with stupid characters and ridiculous side plots. While Joe stares at Jane through her neighboring- apartment window, Lucy pro- cures offers from a batch of eccentric suitors. After one failed date, in which a young technocrat takes her out to dinner and for an evening Manhattan stroll — and then spends 20 minutes stinking up her apartment bath- room — Lucy meets Bwick (Ben Stiller), a successful painter who is weird, even by New York stan- dards. The relationship endures a few comical encounters, but other problems soon pervade Lucy's life. For instance, should she please her father by attending Harvard gresses toward inane pre- dictability, even they lose inter- est. Young filmmakers can learn at least one important lesson from this film: Do not cast yourself as the lead in your own script. As Schaeffer proves, the tendency to- ward exhibitionism is just too strong, and unless your name is Woody Allen, the general public simply doesn't want to watch you live out your fantasy on the silver screen. Aside from its simple and poor premise, Lucy comprises sev- eral useless scenes, such as Joe jogging like a buffoon in Central Park, that are gratuitously de- signed to illustrate Schaeffer's hu- mor (or lack thereof). In short, Parker's pretty wit, Macpherson's immaculate beau- ty and Stiller's genuine weirdness are not enough to counterbalance Schaeffer's utterly ridiculous script and performance. t® 1/2 — Dan Zimmerman tel housekeeper veers off a third of the way into nconventional, unstructured and un- the film. This is a film about false starts, wrong even, Bottle Rocket is the story of three turns, and a lack of luck. All the trio's crimes start dysfunctional mid-20s slackers who out with Dignan yelling, "Let's get lucky!" So, he embark on a life of petty crime. The doesn't really expect to use guile, cunning or prepa- • film has genuine homespun charm, modest am- ration as a means to an end. Like bottle rockets bitions, and natural performances but seems like that impulsively shoot toward the sky only to a student-made film with a bigger promise then quickly sputter out and dive-bomb back to earth, Anthony, Dignan and Bob are on a crash course budget. with reality. As the film begins, Anthony (Luke Wil- Vacuous Bob calls his obnoxious broth- son) is checking out of a mental institu- MOVIES er "Future Man," apparently a derogato- tion he has voluntarily entered. He's a ry appellation for anyone who thinks ahead. handsome dullard, confused and, as we find out, easily led. His buddy Dignan (Owen C. Their family must have money since they live in Wilson) masterminds petty crimes, badgering his a spacious home with a luxurious interior and pals into following orders, although one could hard- huge outdoor pool. Where are their parents? I. ly call his plans masterful. Bob (Robert Musgrave), suspect while the adults were away, the kids the third member of the trio, is along for the ride; cashed in some of their stock portfolios and made he's the getaway driver. But Bob must have at- this film. tO 1/2 tention-deficit disorder because he can't concen- trate for long enough periods to alert his —Dick Rockwell compatriots in crime before any law enforcement arrives. Dignan, in fact, has outdone Jay Gatsby is terms of defining his own self-image. He carries in a notebook a scribbled outline of his crime career projected out over the next 50 years, and presents it to his lackluster part- ners as a business plan. It's really a recipe for failure, but it does look im- pressive to them because it is, after all, a plan. A plan, a target, a goal ... some- thing that has never crossed these oth- er two simpletons' minds. The odd thing about Bottle Rocket is that talking about it, it sounds fun- ny. The pitch must have sounded hys- terical. Instead, what we get are a series of goofy offbeat sequences that peter out. We're disappointed when Three friends and would-be thieves — Bob (Robert Musgrave), Anthony Anthony's sweet love affair with a mo- (Luke Wilson) and Dignan (Owen C. Wilson) on a surveillance mission. fr Filmmaker Oliver Stone To Speak March 20 0 liver Stone, whose film directorial cred- its include Seizure, Platoon, Salvador, Wall Street, Talk Radio, Born on the Fourth of July, The Doors, JFR Heaven and Earth, Natural Born Killers and Nixon, will speak on March 20 at the University of Michigan. One of Hollywood's most con- troversial directors since the 1980s, Stone is also a prolific screenwriter and producer, hav- ing won his first Oscar for Best Screenplay for Midnight Ex- press in 1978. Stone is also a two-time Academy Award win- ner for Best Director — for Platoon (1986) and Born on the Fourth of July (1989). The event is sponsored by U- M Hillel, Michigan Student As- sembly, U-M Program in Film and Video Studies, Borders Books and Music, Briarwood, University Activities Center, Video Watch and the Michigan Theater. Oliver Stone will speak on "Making Movies Matter." 4' Oliver Stone will speak at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, March 20, at. Hill Auditorium in Ann Arbor. Tickets are $8 for gen- eral public and $5 for stu- dents. Call the Michigan Union Ticket Office at (313) 763-TKTS or Ticketrnasthr at (810) 645-6666.