11111.
jler
"The get
should
never
become an
instrument
to punish,
or to make
a deal or
to end a
deal."
ksâ–
on the needs, desires, permissions and al-
lowances of my then-husband," Ms. Fine re-
called. "Much of the conversation was
directed toward him and much of the ritual
was directed toward him, right up to the end
when I was handed the get and dismissed
from the room ... I felt less like a participant
and more like a child around whom these
things were happening."
Ms. Fine, now a rabbinical student at the
International Institute for Secular Human-
istic Judaism in Farmington Hills, said the
experience hastened her shift to a more
secular life. The Reform and Humanistic
movements do not require a get in the event
of divorce, but will perform the ritual for
couples who want them Among Conserva-
tives, a get is still required for the divorce to
be valid.
Still, for Orthodox Jews, the question re-
mains: how to convince the unconvincible?
In years past, when Jews lived in more
cloistered, closely-knit communities, reluc-
tant husbands proved easier targets for out-
raged neighbors, family members and
religious elders. The man's business would
be boycotted. He might be ostracized from
the synagogue, pummeled by his wife's back-
ers and shunned by longtime friends until
he came to his senses and released his wife
from an unhappy union.
Of course, such outright coercion might
48
divorce lawyer, once received a
call in the middle of the night
from an armed man who had just
attacked a husband who had
refused his wife a get.
"He was hiding in the bushes
with a cellular phone and he
wanted to know if I'd bail him out
of jail if the cops found him," the
lawyer recalled. Mr. Selesny, who
will not represent men who
refuse their wives a get, told the
caller, "Absolutely."
"Everyone knows my position,"
Mr. Selesny said cryptically. "rm
not a physical person, but I fol-
low the argument that the ends
sometimes justify the means."
Ironically, Mr. Selesny at one
point represented Albert Abra-
ham in his divorce, one of three
lawyers Mr. Abraham hired only
to part ways with later. Mr.
Selesny said he asked to be re-
leased from the case when Mr.
Carrni
Abraham declared he would not
Schwartz give his wife, Kathy, a get.
The Abraham divorce, dreari-
ly typical in its acrimony, has car-
ried on nicely without him —
causing heartache to the couple's
two young daughters, and carry-
ing the usual array of horrific if unprovable
charges of deception and petty transgres-
sions.
While Kathy Abraham, 42, of Southfield,
portrays Albert Abraham, 50, in court records
as a dawdling businessman who failed to sup-
port his family, he paints her as conjuring
and manipulative.
"We are dealing with someone who is dis-
honest," said Mr. Abraham, of Oak Park.
Yet, while he insists he would like nothing
better than to break all ties with his wife,
his reasons for not granting her a get
seem antithetical to the rule that a get be
granted voluntarily.
Maimonides, the 12th-century philosopher
and legal commentator, justified such mea-
sures as a means of melding the husband's
yetzer hara, or evil side, with his truer, more
benevolent personality. Eventually, the hus-
band's "free will" emerged and declared, "I
am willing."
Today, physical threats and violence could
land even a rabbi in jail. Still, it is not un-
common for women desperate for a proper
divorce to turn to shadowy enforcers to get
their get. Abe Selesny, a Farmington Hills
Now To Avoid A Get Fight
T
he best way to ensure a get is given
promptly is for a couple to address the
issue in a halachic prenuptial pact or,
failing that, in a separation agreement,
experts say.
The promise to execute a get then becomes
a contractual duty that can be enforced by both
civil and religious courts. This approach has
been provisionally endorsed by the Rabbinical
Council of America.
Detroit area judges have been generally com-
pliant in enforcing such agreements. In several
cases in Oakland County Circuit Court, for in-
stance, judges brushed aside arguments that
they were improperly intruding into religious
matters, ruling instead that they were merely
enforcing an agreed-upon contract. While these
judges have no authority to grant a Jewish
divorce, they can — and have — imposed con-
tempt orders and attorney fees against spouses
who renege on a promise to submit their divorce
to a bet din.
The New York-based Wedding Resource Cen-
ter distributes "marriage protection agreements"
to Jewish couples contemplating marriage. The
center can be reached at (212) 874-6105. But
note, these forms conform to the laws of New
York State, and so should be reviewed by your
attorney and rabbi before being relied upon in
Michigan. 0