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had not belonged to another
temple or synagogue before join-
ing the congregation. Although
congregants express an interest
in educating their children,
many have lost touch with reli-
gious traditions, holidays and
customs because they have been
unaffiliated for so long; this may
lower the level of comfort they
feel with Judaism.
"It is more than having to
share it with the kids; it is hav-
ing the parents continue as
Jews," Ms. Sadler said. "We
don't want to lose them. We
want them to develop skills in a
way that will enable them to
continue their Judaism."
Organizers feel it will take
time for the comfort level to rise.
This may be possible through
the continuation of the holiday
workshops, developing a con-
tinuing education program and
offering informal family educa-
tion.
"Parents will keep coming be-
cause they feel an obligation to
expose their children to this,"
congregant Lori Golani said.
But despite the adversity, the
families look to the positive as-
pects, including the intimacy
that comes with a smaller con-
gregation.

Sue Miller, an active member
from Commerce Township in
Oakland County, joined the con-
gregation and now drives her
children once a week to Hebrew
school.

From a chavurah, a
new congregation
has sprouted.

"It is a schlep, but it is worth
the schlep," she said. "I feel like
I am a part of something, not
just another face in the crowd."
A few weeks ago, the bat
mitzvah of Rachel Rose, Amy's
daughter, was held at the
church and was followed by a
potluck kiddush. Amy Rose ve-
toed the idea of moving the par-
ty to a hall or having the service
in another congregation's build-
ing.
"We wanted to keep it here,"
Amy Rose said. "We wanted the
congregation to be a part of it." ❑

For more infoi illation on
Congregation Bet Chaverim,
call 1-313-480-8880.

'

How To Budget
The Good Times

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22

ERICA RAUZIN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

I

ast night at a beautiful bar
mitzvah dinner, I sat with
two other women at our
table (the men turned pale
and left) discussing bar and bat
mitzvah budgets. One other
woman and I had already sur-
vived at least one child's big
event; the other woman in the
conversation was just beginning
to plan her daughter's bat mitz-
vah.
Surrounded by one of the most
beautifully done bar mitzvahs we
had ever attended, we discussed
our personal budgets in whispers.
I confessed that my oldest daugh-
ter's bat mitzvah, last March, had
run over budget by about one-
third of the original cost we had
projected. Ouch doesn't begin to
describe the pinch, and we pro-
ceeded with caution.
Our event included a catered
Friday night Sabbath dinner at
home with about 20 people, in-
cluding family from out-of-town,
a kiddush after Saturday morn-
ing services for our congregation,
and a dinner Saturday night for
our family and our daughter's
classmates, about 60 people to-

tal. I did not think this was a lav-
ish affair, since we made our own
centerpieces and didn't invite any
friends, even the closest.
But we did have: a photogra-
pher who made a video tape, two
musicians so the girls could do Is-
raeli dancing, delicious catered
food, florist flowers in our home-
made centerpieces, new dresses
for the bat mitzvah girl (and her
mommy, and a new suit for baby
brother), rented tablecloths, nap-
kins and chairs; and a few more
things that added right up to a
budget-crunching number.
We used the twin party rooms
at my parents' elegant condo-
minium: one for the dinner and
one for the buffet and dance floor,
so we didn't have much of a loca-
tion cost. However, other factors
cost plenty and I see in retrospect
that I could have avoided,
trimmed or curtailed others. A
few hints:
The photographer: The only
thing worse than just emptying
your wallet on the photograph-
er's desk would be giving a bar or
bat mitzvah and not having pic-

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