SINAI HOSPITAL

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Divorce Leaves
Binding Ties

Sinai Hospital Ambulatory Services Division
is pleased to welcome

Lloyd Paul, M.D. and Bruce Samarian, M.D.

BARBARA FITZSIMMONS SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS

in the practice of Internal Medicine

D

and

Harvey P. Sabbota, D.O.

in the practice of Cardiology and Internal Medicine

to

Oakland Internists and Associates
28625 Northwestern Hwy.
Southfield, Michigan 48034

Lloyd Paul, M.D.
Bruce Samarian, M.D.
Suite 200
(810) 352-7600

Harvey P. Sabbota, D.O.
Suite 150
(810) 358-2310

Most Major Insurance Plans Accepted

To schedule an appointment, please call during
normal business hours.

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rama teacher Bonnie Tar-
water left an unsatisfacto-
ry marriage several years
ago and was getting back
on her feet as a single mother
when a "move-away lawsuit"
pulled the rug out from under
her.
Ms. Tarwater had been of-
fered a full drama fellowship
and teaching job at the Univer-
sity of Oregon, but her ex-hus-
band said she couldn't go. In
fact, he sued her for custody of
their two children and nearly
won it, based solely on the fact
that she wanted the kids to
move north with with her
from San Diego.
"I had been willing to
work out an arrange-
ment (for visitation), but
lawyers got involved and
turned a contentious sit-
uation into a war," Ms.
Tarwater said.
She eventually re-
fused the fellow-
ship, though
no similar
opportuni-
ties are
available
where she
currently
lives. She
spent her entire di-
vorce settlement on legal fees,
and now shares joint custody
with her ex. The kids spend a few
days a week with her and a few
days with him.
"My children used to be so hap-
py; now they have weight prob-
lems, sleep problems, stress
problems, aggression problems,"
she said.
She has given up on a drama
career and is now on a much
longer road to become a minister.
Ms. Tarwater is one of thou-
sands of divorced parents with
custody who face the "move-
away" dilemma. They want to get
on with their lives, perhaps go-
ing back to school, remarrying in
a different locale, or even moving
in with their faraway parents be-
cause of financial woes. Howev-
er, they face losing their children
if they move any distance from
their ex-spouse.
"I know of one mother who is
living on welfare rather than tak-
ing a job in another location and
possibly losing her children," said
Janet Bowermaster, a professor
at California Western School of
Law who has researched the is-
sue. "Some women can't move
even when they have more chil-
dren with a new husband and the
new husband faces a job trans-

fer. The intact new family is af-
fected because of this."
Ms. Bowermaster noted that
the overwhelming majority of
custodial parents are women, so
it is mainly mothers who face this
issue.
She said that a judge in such
a case can rule either way, and
some. judges opt to allow the cus-
todial parent to move and keep
the kids. However, many more
judges tend to oppose a move be-
cause it may prevent noncusto-
dial parents, generally fathers,
from having frequent contact
with their children.

Ms. Bowermaster believes reg-
ular contact can be maintained
without putting restrictions on
one parent's life.
"This is bad not only for the
mothers involved, but for the chil-
dren," Ms. Bowermaster said.
"Studies show that when there is
a divorce, the well-being of the
children is directly tied to the fi-
nancial and emotional well-being
of the custodial parent."
But Attorney Craig Candelore,
spokesman for the Men's Legal
Center in San Diego, cites other
studies.
"Studies show that if you don't
have both parents, a father and
a mother, you're a disaster in the
making," Mr. Candelore said.
He said children need fathers
and that fathers whose children
move away are devastated.
"It's traumatic," Mr. Candelore
said. "Sure, you can send cards
and make phone calls, but you're
not raising your kids. Is that
fair?"
Mr. Candelore said he knows
of noncustodial fathers who have
forfeited jobs so they could move
where their ex-wives and chil-
dren were moving.
"It's heartbreaking," he said,