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INTERMARRIAGE page 1

ner is Buddhist. Many are sim-

ply attracted to the ceremony,
which includes an exchange of
flowers, a recitation of vows and
a commitment to the same spir-
itual path," he says.
Prenuptial training with Sahn
Bul Sunim is riot for the impa-
tient. It lasts 10 weeks and pre-
pares the couple to deal with the
most sensitive issues, like mon-
ey. Sahn Bul Sunim's empha-
sis in the prenuptials is, "Will
this marriage be useful for both
partners' spiritual develop-
ment?" he says. He asks them,
"What's the glue that's binding
you?"
If there is a disagreement
about religion, Sahn Bul Sunim
says he would encourage the
partners to incorporate both
traditions. Since no one religion
is more right than another,
it's unfair to ask one partner to
give up the practices of his own
faith, part of his own "spiritual
path."
"What's wrong with celebrat-
ing Christmas in your home
(even if you aren't Christian)?" he
asks. "It's just the same as Martin
Luther King Jr. Day."
In fact, the holiday of Jesus'
birth is observed in Sahn Bul
Sunim's own home. Though his
children were born in a Buddhist
temple, many of their relatives
remain Christian, so it's riot un-
usual for family to get together
for the Christian holidays.
It doesn't matter to Sahn Bul
Sunim whether his children
continue his faith, as long as
they travel a healthy "spiritual
path."
"It never enters my mind
whether my children are
Buddhists or not," he says. "What
we need now is people of spiri-
tual realization, and it doesn't
matter what religion they are."
Sahn Bul Sunim believes the
problem with the world today is
that "there's too much separa-
tion," too much focusing on what's
different and not enough on what
binds us all.
"I'm not interested in pro-
hibiting," he says. "When you
start prohibiting, that's where
the difficulties start."

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I

he Faith Lutheran Church a Holocaust survivor, from whom
is just about as far from the he learned an invaluable lesson.
The survivor owned a small
Detroit Zen Center as you
shop in upstate New York where
can get.
It's in Troy, off busy Dequindre Pastor Muller often stopped to
Road. With 780 families, it's one chat. One day a man entered the
of the area's leading Lutheran shop — a former officer with the
German army.
churches.
The survivor learned the man's
Pastor Robert Muller's study
also is in clear contrast to the Zen identity, but still he did riot hes-
Center. The Buddhist center is itate. Like everyone else who
sparse and quiet. Pastor Muller's came in, the German was offered
office is filled with posters and a seat and a cup of coffee.
"If that's what Judaism is all
photos and books that spill off the
about, how can you be closed-
shelves.
Pastor Muller has been think- minded (to it)?" he asks. "If my
ing for years about this issue of child marries someone like that,
intermarriage. Back in his native why should I despair?"
It's an approach Canons A.
New York he had a lot of Jewish
friends who married Christians, Gordon Okunsanya and. William
or Christians who married Jews. Logan of the Cathedral Church
It was a problem, he says, be- of St. Paul understand.
Like Pastor Muller, Canon
cause most subsequently "did ab-
solutely nothing (religiously), Logan is sympathetic to Jewish
leaving all the rich traditions of concerns about intermarriage. "A
shared heritage is a very power-
both faiths behind."
Today, when Pastor Muller ful dimension ofhuman survival,"
counsels interfaith couples plan- he says.
But he can't imagine his
ning to wed, he advises them to
"expose the children to both tra- church producing literature ded-
ditions." Celebrate all the holi- icated to "how to help your child
days and discuss both theologies, avoid contact with Catholics —
lest you marry them."
delegitimizing neither.
"That would be horrible," he
What children need is not nec-
essarily one religion but a chance says. "It's right on the edge of ex-
to learn "a love of God, a love of actly what we ought not to be do-
what is holy, and to see their par- ing."
Canon Okunsanya has per-
ents' affirmation of each other's
values," he says. This will serve formed a number of interfaith
not only to establish a happy marriages between Christians
home but can prevent prejudice and Jews. He never asks one
partner to give up his religion,
against other faiths.
Pastor Muller especially un- but instead encourages couples
derstands why rabbis don't want to "raise their children with both."
"God is the central issue here,"
Jewish children to marry
Christians.
he says. "He appears to me as
"For generations, we have Christ, He appears to someone
butchered and damned literally else as Mohammed, He appears
millions of people," he says. "We to someone else as Buddha. But
have talked about the love of it's still the same God.
"Let us raise
Christ, then done
that issue and
horrendous things.
Left: Pastor Robert Muller:
As Christians, we Children need to learn "a love those attributes
— justice, love, re-
have not acted very
of God, a love of the holy."
spect, moral
Christian."
ethics and for-
Of course it would
Center: Canon Logan and
giveness, issues of
be nice if his own
Canon Okunsanya: Build on
every faith — and
children married
shared traditions.
let them be the
Lutherans and
core of marriage."
stayed Lutherans, he
Right: Sahn Bul Sunim:
But Canon
says, but then he re-
Traveling a "spiritual path."
Logan hesitates
calls a Jewish friend,

