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Call The Jewish News 354-5959 Junk Mail Won't Save Judaism YOSEF I. ABRAMOWITZ SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS T here are times I find my- self listening to tapes in the car, hoping to hear the sweet voice in the car seat behind me trying to sing words that are still mostly incompre- hensible to her. And almost every time my 2-year-old daugh- ter Aliza manages to get it even close, I feel, but usually sup- press, the urge to let a tear or two well up in my eyes. I find that I am most moved when she tries to sing a Hebrew song or one of those Jewish kid songs with some Hebrew words. Somehow, and it sounds corny even to this 31-year-old, Aliza's efforts make me feel that I have already secured my daughter's Jewish commitment for life. Even so, I recently responded to a direct mail appeal from a Jewish organization by sending a donation in Aliza's name. Part of me did it because I thought it would be cute. The other part was responding to the vulnera- bility I feel as a parent who can't possibly protect his daughter from everything bad in the uni- verse. By sending money in her name, I felt I was creating a fact, mystically bolstering the exis- tence of a creature who still doesn't know to stop at the curb. Aliza now gets Jewish junk mail about trees, Israel, De- mocrats, magazines and chari- ties. My reaction, I'm surprised to find, is extreme. I wish they would all go away and leave her alone. The appeals that warn about the threat to Jewish con- tinuity really annoy me. Give us money so we can make sure kids grow up with a sense of Jewish identity. Send us $18 to prevent a spiritual Holocaust. I find myself asking: "What are these Jewish organizations doing to help Aliza form a Jew- ish identity?" My car rides with my musical daughter make me doubt that ordering another sub- scription to Moment or Tikkun or supporting another outreach organization's Hebrew class or lobbying for foreign aid to Israel, fighting neo-Nazis or sustaining the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum will make me a better parent and ensure a brighter fu- ture for the Jewish people. Some years ago, I was in- volved with the effort to reunite the remaining Jewish families in Yemen with their relatives in Israel and the United States. I discovered that even though they numbered close to a thou- sand souls, they did not function communally. Somehow, their distinct culture and religion con- tinued from one generation to the next. How? Each family took its heritage seriously, passing down the traditions, foods, val- ues, and, of course, songs. Ordering another subscription to Tikkun won't make me a better Jewish parent. Numerous Jewish organiza- tions successfully address many of the concerns of the larger com- munity. But, frankly, I feel less invested in their success now that I have a family to nurture and support. And I don't feel the community is sincerely inter- ested in reaching out to me. Sure, I belong to the local JCC, which runs an excellent day-care program. The problem is that we can't afford it. We give to the federation but none of that money goes to low- ering the cost of Jewish day care, or producing creative Jewish children's television shows, or encouraging new Jewish per- forming artists who can make tapes for us to play between our moderately priced non-Jewish day care and our Jewish home. And with Hallel, our second daughter, just born, the only real source of advice and support we're getting comes from friends and family — not from any Jew- ish organization that would love to have our support without lis- tening to our concerns. We don't need another politi- cal speaker or a social event or a mission to Israel. For starters, we need good Jewish music tapes. We need a little more sleep. And we need you to un- derstand that the future of the Jewish community is not with any organization with a great direct mail appeal. It's with Al- iza in the back seat trying to sing a silly Hebrew song. ❑ Yosef I. Abramowitz dreams of starting a bimonthly Jewish family magazine. This article originally appeared in Jewish Parenting Today.