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May 05, 1995 - Image 39

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1995-05-05

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

h .
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swer will indicate that self-inter-
est exists. If the value being
taught is truly as important as
you say it is, then it must evoke
the stronger reaction. But how
many parents will get furious at
the child for not listening and dis-
regard other forms of disobedi-
ence?
There is a Jewish ideal which
will level the playing field for both
parent and child, an ideal with
which the child stands a chance
of feeling that the parents' in-
structions are sans "moi."
The key to this leveling is
found in the last part of the
Torah's instruction, "I am the
Lord your God". The Torah is
telling us that the way to equate
parental respect and all other
morality is to unify the source of
the obligations. A child should re-
spect his or her parents, not be-
cause the parents demand but
rather because God demands.
And just as God tells him to hon-
or his parents, He is the source
of all other values, morals and
standards of behavior.
Furthermore, He expects the
same from Mom and Dad as they
expect from their child. Seeing
parents fulfill their obligations
not only gives the child a sense of
how serious to take God and
morality, but it also automatically
puts the child and parent on
equal footing. Not that they be-
come peers, but rather the child
can more easily relate to a par-
ent who is also responsible to
God. Without God, the child is re-
sponsible to the parent, yet the
parent is only responsible to him
or herself- if that.
The generation gap isn't
caused by differing values; it is
caused by a different source for
the values. When parents set
themselves up as the only avail-
able source of morality for their
children, they create inevitable
doubts in their children's mind
as to their parents' intentions and
legitimacy. Thus, as the child
grows, he or she will probably re-
ject his parents as the source of
values and in so doing, reject his
or her parents in some way. If,
however, the parent and child are
both responsible to God, then val-
ues won't escalate into personal
issues reflecting back to the re-
lationship between parent and
child. If they disagree, then they
disagree with God, not each oth-
er.
Raising children is far from
easy. I doubt most of us realize
how difficult it is until we see how
poorly we've done. By then it is
too late. Heed the words of our
sages who warned us of the diffi-
culties. They taught us that wise
people learn from the mistakes
of others.
Don't make raising children
harder that it is by not including
God in your child's world. You are
a parent and not a god. You need
to allow God to be God just as
God allows you to be a parent. ❑

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