Addressing Discipline
And Parenting Issues
JENNIFER FINER STAFF WRITER
A
mann said. "Because you care so
much and want to do it in the
best possible way, it's hardest to
allow ourselves a margin of error.
Give yourselves permission to
make mistakes. What's impor-
tant is the overall picture of your
child's growth."
With any child, disciplinary ac-
tion needs to be taken on count-
less occasions. Often, parents run
into a stumbling block when de-
ciding how to react to a situation.
"If you cannot think of an im-
mediate solution, it's OK to say,
`I'm so mad I need time to think
about what has happened,' "Ms.
Faitler said. "There doesn't have
PHO TO BY B ILL GE MMELL
child sits in a restaurant
using a french fry to make
designs in the ketchup.
The parent is anxious to
leave but the child has not fin-
ished eating and has little inten-
tion of doing so until the ketchup
art project is completed.
What options does the parent
have in this predicament or in
other discipline situations?
In the restaurant example,
Jewish Family Service case-
workers Sara Eisemann and Sue
Faitler suggest setting a time con-
straint and sticking to it.
"You want to teach children
the realities of the world and time
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Discipline is important to Noah and Emily's parents, Gary and Gayle Eubanks.
constraints are a reality," Ms.
Eisemann said. "It's unrealistic
to let your child think everyone
is always going to let him have as
much time as he needs."
So what should a parent do
when siblings physically fight?
When should "time out" be used?
Most parents could easily an-
swer these hypothetical ques-
tions. The problem, they
acknowledge, is their responses
in the actual situation are not so
simplistic. In theory, the answers
are straightforward but, in prac-
tice, discipline is difficult.
These were some of the par-
enting issues discussed last week
during "Defining the Limits, Ap-
propriate Child Discipline," a
workshop for parents and edu-
cators, held at the Max M. Fish-
er Building.
When Ms. Eisemann and Ms.
Faitler began planning the pro-
gram, they expected an intimate
group. Maybe 20-30 parents. In-
stead, over 100 people respond-
ed and valet parking had to be
provided for the larger-than-ex-
pected number of participants.
"Being a parent is by far the
hardest job theregis," Ms. Eise-
to be an immediate solution."
Gayle and Gary Eubanks of
West Bloomfield know there are
few immediate solutions. As the
parents of a 10-year-old daugh-
ter and son who is 4 1/2, "Noth-
ing is in black and white when it
comes to parenting," Ms. Eu-
banks said. "It's helpful to hear
people talk about some of the
things you are already doing.
Events like this offer a fresh ap-
proach to an old problem."
Julie Levin, a single parent of
two, wanted to know what the ex-
perts had to say about sibling ri-
valry and physical fighting.
"You cannot be involved in
every fight, but safety should be
a main concern," Ms. Faitler said.
Something else the casework-
ers say parents should keep in
mind is the behavior they model.
If spanking is a parent's main
source of intervention, the par-
ent is sending a message that it's
OK to hit.
Mr. Eubanks did not walk
away with a cure-all to the disci-
pline dilemma. "But, it's com-
forting to know other parents are
dealing with the same issues and
our situations are not unique." ❑
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