PURIM SPOOF

Rabbi's Position
Up For Grabs

JCC's Decision A Bombshell

JENNIFER FINER BRIGHTON CORRESPONDENT

PHOTO BY GLENN TRIEST

Lottery

line up for tickets.

I

he winner of this lottery
won't be picking up a
check for $43 million, but
he or she will hold some-
thing equally as valuable — the
position of rabbi at Temple Beth
El.
The temple's board of directors
has decided to open Rabbi Daniel
Polish's position to the winner of
a community-wide lottery. Tick-
ets for the lottery will be sold at
the Jewish Community Center
and the temple offices.
"We couldn't make a decision,
so we thought we would let
chance pick the next rabbi," tem-
ple administrator Thomas
Jablonski said. "Hell, chance
could probably do a better job
than the board has done in the
past."
The funds collected by the lot-
tery will be used to dig the tem-
ple out of its $1 billion deficit.
Another revenue source is ex-
pected to come when the rights
for the story are sold to a pro-
duction company hoping to make
a trashy movie-of-the-week de-
tailing the affair and starring
Brad Pitt as Rabbi Polish.
The winner of the lottery will

p
Peole

Who Can't Get Dates

ometimes a little criminal
activity can benefit an en-
tire community.
That's what officials at
the Jewish Community Center
are saying about the bargain
price they paid for 193 acres in
Brighton.
Mohamed Salameh and Nidal
Ayyad, the men convicted of
bombing the World Trade Cen-
ter in New York, were forced to
sell land they bought in Brighton
when a New York judge handed
down their prison sentence.
Two months ago, the men
purchased the former site of
Camp Tamarack, but they de-
cided to sell it after being sen-
tenced.
After reading about the Jew-
ish Community Center's finan-
cial difficulties, the investors
contacted the JCC and offered to
sell the land for $100,000. The
transaction was made amid a
flurry of activity at the Maple-
Drake JCC, which has been
transformed into a gambling
casino.
"Despite all the time we're
spending (on Casino JCC) prepa-

S

J. D. SKLAR STUFFY WRITER

receive a trip to Disneyland, a
two-year non-renewable contract
and a $180,000 weekly salary,
almost none of which is claimed
by Uncle Sam.
A large crowd was seen lining
up for tickets outside of the Jew-
ish Community Center early this
morning.
"We have already sold 1,500
tickets at $1 apiece and we
haven't even marketed the
thing," Mr. Jablonski said.
In a relatively brief 80-page
letter to congregants, President
John Kamins outlined the rea-
sons for the lottery, Rabbi Pol-
ish's leaving and the creation of
the universe.
Several members of the Com-
mittee to Save Temple Beth El
have been mortgaging their
homes in an effort to improve
their chances of winning. Steven
Mitchell, head of the committee,
said the group will put Rabbi
Polish back in the senior rabbi
position if they have a winner.
"One way or another, he will
be back. We tried petitions and
meetings on cold nights. Maybe
we can get him back by winning
the lottery," he said. ❑

le Orthodox JM, yeshiva
trained, looking for cross-cultur-
al experience with woman pow-
er lifter. Must have designs on
children, traditional lifestyle and
be able to shoulder guilt, occa-
sional cholent.

23' Go ahead, take a chance. rm
just like you. I'm into Seinfeld,
the Pistons, the religion ofbase-
ball, health food, ice skating on
ponds, walks in the park, It's a
Wonderful Life, small children,
exercise and the continuation of

rations, the Brighton land pro-
posal was one we couldn't
refuse," said Dr. Morton Plotnick,
JCC executive director. "The
board feels that given the cur-
rent Jewish population trend,
Brighton will be the hub of the
Jewish community. We want to
set that trend, not follow it."
Center officials are making
arrangements to relocate the
Maple-Drake health club and
some of its fitness facilities to the
former camp. The move allows
the JCC to make room for its
new casino. (See related story.)
Officials with the Jewish Fed-
eration of Metropolitan Detroit
will closely monitor the Center's
progress. If the Brighton location
is successful, Federation will es-
tablish a task force to consider
moving other Jewish agencies,
too.
"The most exciting part is we
don't have to build a pool," Dr.
Plotnick said. "The lake is large
enough for 25 lap lanes and a
children's swimming area. If
members want more lanes, we
have the room to expand.
Douglas Bloom, Center pres-

ident, said the board held a 13-
hour marathon meeting to dis-
cuss implications of a Brighton
move.
"Marketing. We won't need a
marketing plan out there. Many
of our members and even non-
members indicated they plan to
follow us. So the people who
move there initially will be going
for the JCC. You can't market
any better than that."
At this time, the JCC has no
plans to build on the land. Pro-
gramming will occupy already
existing buildings. One Tama-
rack dormitory will be convert-
ed into a shuffleboard hall,
another will be used for aerobics.
Details for other buildings are
forthcoming.
"It's exciting," said Leslie
Bash, managing director of the
Jimmy Prentis Morris JCC in
Oak Park. "I only wish some of
our services and programs could
move to Brighton."
The JCC is sponsoring a con-
test to name the new facility. The
winner, to be determined by the
board, will win a lifetime mem-
bership to the Center. ❑

The Hillel Day School
Will Move To Charlevoix

JILL DAVIDSON SKLAR WRITER WITH THE MOST NAMES

C

ontinuing the Jewish corn-
munity's northwestern mi-
gratory pattern, leaders of
Hillel Day School will
abandon a move to the Jewish
Community Campus and pur-
chase land for construction of a
new school outside of Charlevoix.
Hillel contributor Jay Kogan
said the school is following the
movement of the Jewish popula-
tion and taking it a step further.
'We want to build a school that

we won't have to move in the next
30 years," he said. "We figure by
relocating there we can set the
moving pattern instead of fol-
lowing it."
Another reason for the location
is the popularity of the northern
Michigan city as a vacation des-
tination.
"Most of the community is
up there from May to August
anyway. So, we thought, 'Why
not move there?"' said Hillel Pres-

Judaism. Okay, truth is I'm 38,
and I'm desperate. Like I said,
I'm just like you

up like Queen Esther when
Purim is over I'm a perfect 36,
12-12-12. Let's go shopping!

fl 0.K, here's the deal. I'm a 34-
year-old spoiled JM. My moth-
er did my laundry and cooked my
meals. But after a lifetime tak-
in,g care ofrne, after my dad died,
she took off. Blame her? Want
the job? Seeking SH, 54-70, who
wants to feel needed.

IN Cute, petite divorced mother
of 10 seeks that special gentle-
man who will help me make a
new start. Candidate must love
children...and the yeshiva.
/2 Physician living in Royal Oak
seeking chronicall.y ill people hi
a hurry. Into devices.
I'm a Fred seeking a Wilma;
a Ricky seeking a Lucy; a Tramp

SJM seeks nonjudgmental fe-
male JAP who will let him dress

ident Bobby Schostak.
The school will study the issue
by assigning members of the par-
ent body to the task force which
will then divide into committees,
sub-committees, sub-sub-com-
mittees and the so-sub-it-doesn't-
seem-related-to-the-ta sk-force-su
b-committee. The task force will
then exhaustively study each and
every aspect related to a move
and some that have nothing to do
with it. 111

king a Lady; a Beast seeking
see
aBeautY•
Bill seeking a
too .
On second tho ught, that's one
many Beasts.

LC)

a)

um' saw you in Noir Leather last

Thursday. You had green and or-
ange hair and a certain smile
that I can't get out of my mind. I
asked you for your advice on a
certain leather and metallic re-
straining device. You were so
kind, so whimsical. Let's meet for
possible relationship, something
we can pin our hopes on.

CD
CC

31