When

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PHIL JACOBS EDITOR

some cases may even have con- daughter's illness and after her
"The other half deals with the
tributed to the raising of the death, the woman cared for her rights of grandchildren who have
child, find themselves left out. In granddaughter. Her son-in-law's been denied the ability to com-
worst-case scenarios, they lose new wife adopted the grand- municate with and maintain con-
contact.
daughter. The couple felt it "in- tact with their grandparents.
"Being a grandparent is cen- convenient" for the grandmother Children denied the right to
tral to the continuity of a Jewish to see the child anymore.
share experiences and memories
family," said Ms. Lerner. "Grand-
"During this time, I remember with their grandparents as they
parents need to feel valued. They seeing a photograph of my son grow are denied the security of
need to be in a position to pass on sitting on my father's lap," said unconditional love that grand-
family traditions. And they need Mr. Victor. "I wanted to know, parents offer to grandchildren.
argaret Weiner has facili- to be able to indulge their grand- who speaks for the children? These denied children become
tated many children of di- children. It gives meaning to the Here was case where a grand- permanently deprived of what I
vorce workshops for Jewish cycle of life."
mother couldn't be a grand- believe is an inherent right of
Family Service. While most
Ms. Weiner said that for Jew- mother anymore. There were no children."
of the sessions reflect a myr- ish families, the issues go even laws "to protect her."
All 50 states now have laws
In 1982, Mr. Victor helped protecting grandparenting visi-
iad of feelings a child has to- deeper. Many Jews old enough
ward both parents, it's not to be grandparents remember change that situation, initiating tation rights. Mr. Victor has been
unusual for an issue to sur- their own grandparents, and how legal protection through the state called to Capitol Hill to address
face for many of these chil- they often lived in the same Legislature. Michigan law the issue. There are 4.2 million
neighborhoods or even in the provides for limited rights of grandchildren in the United
dren.
The question goes like same home with their extended grandparents for visitation, States in the custody of grand-
this: "Are my grandparents still families. Now, says Ms. Weiner, with a prerequisite that either parents. In Michigan, there are
part of my family? Is it OK to love grandparents are often in the a death, divorce or stepparent more than 300,000 children be-
them even if my parents are di- workplace, and they more often adoption has taken place or is ing cared for by relatives other
than not live in a different area pending.
than parents. The number of
vorced?"
Mr. Victor wrote, in a March non-traditional custody cases is
We want to be able to say "of of the country than their children
1989 paper titled "The Changing growing each year.
course" in a supportive, healing and grandchildren.
tone of voice, according to Ms.
"You can't set a videotape cam- American Family — Grandpar-
"You have these days two sets
Weiner. Unfortunately, if a era on your lap and hold it like ent/Stepparent Rights," that vis- of grandparents who are vulner-
able to a divorce," said Mr. Vic-
grandparent doesn't understand it's a grandchild," said Ms. Wein- itation is only half the battle.
tor. "Why are they sometimes
his rights, his relationship with er.
Typically when divorce hap-
excluded during the divorce
his grandchildren could change
process? The answers are more
dramatically.. The relationship pens, the estranged in-laws' re-
action goes something like this:
emotional than logical. If a son-
could cease.
in-law becomes an ex-son-in-law,
Ms. Weiner, the associate ex- "She is the mother of my grand-
he is no longer a member of the
ecutive director at JFS, and Lor- children; she's no longer my
family. But families sometimes
raine Lerner, coordinator of JFS daughter-in-law."
forget that a child is still a mem-
Family Life Education, have seen
Keeping that relationship with
ber of that family and doesn't just
Jewish families, from babies to the grandchildren alive and
lose feelings for a grandparent
grandparents, fall apart in front healthy is the challenge many
because of a divorce. Our job is to
of their very eyes. It's hard for ei- face.
reunite families. A grandparent
No one is more familiar with
ther social worker to describe a
offers unconditional love to
"typical" situation. Nothing, they that challenge than Birmingham
grandchildren. If that is ever for-
say, when dealing with family attorney Richard Victor, who
gotten, then these grandchildren
breakup, is typical. But often, since 1978 has championed the
are open to an emotional conflict
when a couple divorces and cus- rights of grandparents and
of interest." LI
tody is awarded, grandparents grandchildren during divorce.
Mr. Victor is the founder of a na-
can find themselves left out.
In cases where a parent re- tional organization called Grand-
marries, the issues get more com- parents Rights Organization or
plicated. Now, a stepparent GRO. He was introduced to this
brings new grandparents into the issue when a woman's adult Richard Victor: Working to protect the
child's life. The grandparents the daughter died of cancer. The son- rights of grandparents and
child has always known, who in in-law remarried. During her grandchildren.

M

Grandparents
and their
grandchildren
are often
unwitting victims
of divorce.

fie