Community Views 4 ' Editor's Notebook Special Loved Ones Enrich Our Lives An Advertisement With A Warning RABBI LANE STEINGER SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH NEWS PHIL JACOBS EDITOR As time passes, I become more and more acutely aware of the fact that the circle of the older genera- tions of my family is shrinking, be- coming smaller, ever smaller. The absence of loved ones is particu- larly and poignantly apparent at annual holy times (the Days of Awe, Pesach, Chanukah) and on special sacred occasions (such as a wedding, brit milah or baby naming). I understand that this is a natural and normal process. I also know that Ashkenazic tradition astutely acknowledges it. So, for example, it is custom- ary for us to include Yizkor prayers not only on Yom Kippur, but also at the three joyous festi- vals (Passover, Shavuot and er raised my mom (and her younger brother, too). My great- grandma thus was simply known as "Mutter" (mother). As I was growing up, Mutter would visit us, and when she did it was magical. She was a tiny, wizened woman who seemed to shuffle along whenever she moved and wherever she went. Her hair was pulled back tautly into a bun. She only spoke Yid- dish — on principle. She kept strictly kosher. She was devout and observant. Love and respect for others emanated from her. I have distinct recollections of her getting down on all fours to play with me when I was very young. Mutter did not have an easy life. Born in Romania, she was "married off' at the age of 16 to an older man who had two children who immediately became her charges. She herself gave birth to ashamed to admit it — when Mutter was an embarrassment to me. When I was 14 or so, she avowed that she was nearly 90 (my dad contended that she was at least four or five years older than she acknowledged), and she seemed absolutely alien and oth- er-worldly. Full of myself and my adolescent agenda as I was, if Mutter happened to be at my house I didn't want my friends to come over. She seemed so very ... strange. Mutter entered eternity when I was a senior in high school. By then I was beginning to realize that she was one of God's gifts to me, even as she had shown me that I was one for her. I have no doubt that I have become the per- son I am — and that I am a com- mitted Jew and rabbi — thanks in more than some small mea- sure to her. C Sukkot), to name a child in mem- ory of a departed dear one and even to begin a marriage cere- mony with the memorial prayer, Eil Malai Rachamim, if one or more of the parents of the bride and/or groom are deceased. Nonetheless, I find that there are those who have gone from this earth whom I often recall: my fa- ther, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and my younger brother (Aleihem Ha Shalom). And I find myself thinking about my great- grandmother as well. My • maternal grandmother died when my mother was an in- fant. My mother's father's moth- Lane Steinger is senior rabbi of Temple Emanu-El. - seven children, one of whom took his own life as a young adult. She sent a son off to the battlefields in World War I. She made her way to a new life in the New World, where she was widowed and where she suddenly became moth- er to two of her grandchildren. Mutter faced her share of tri- als, tribulations and tzuris, to be sure. Yet she communicated to me her resiliency of spirit and her commitment that life is good (if not perfect), that God is good, that people are good, that Jews and Judaism are good, that learning is good, and that rabbis are good. She was, you might say, a cele- brant and a champion of good- ness — and of hope. There was a time — I am In retrospect, I now recognize that I was fortunate and privi- leged to have known so extraor- dinary a person. Through Mutter I was connected to a bygone realm and another entire era. Even more, she was the embod- iment of basic religious values for me, one of several positive Jew- ish models who luckily have been influences in my life. Will my own children (and some day their chil- dren) be so blessed? It has been three decades since you left this world, Mutter. Rest in peace. I am grateful to you and for you. You were an Eishet Chayil, Woman of Valor. Your legacy and your memory are blessings. ❑ An advertise- ment ran earlier this week in the New York Times. The ad showed a draw- ing of a Christ- mas wreath with Jewish stars as orna- ments. Inside the wreath was a photograph of a so-called Jew- ish man who had discovered that his daughter's new affilia- tion with Jews for Jesus was the right thing for both him and his daughter. For $1, a tape could be had. Unfortunately, there's noth- ing unusual here. Jews for Je- sus, the organization backed by mainline Christian churches, makes no secret that it is look- ing to place Jews in churches. These ads have been running for years in some of the coun- try's leading national publica- tions. What is troublesome, how- ever, with this recent ad cam- paign is its timing. We now find ourselves in a middle period that could spell disaster for Jews who are vulnerable. What's vulnerable mean? We're talking about Jews who need to be loved, Jews who need some encouragement, Jews who are almost desperate for a pat on the back. Understand this. Chanukah is over. December is still new. Everyone else is shopping, hav- ing a party, getting ready for Dec. 25. There are Jews among us who are depressed, who will max out their credit cards to feel they are part of something big going on. Or they'll look elsewhere. Jews for Jesus will be waiting. They'll offer hugs, a kind word and support during this time of vulnerability. Rabbis in our community: If you are reading this far, don't let your title, your standing get in the way of saving Jewish souls, young ones and old ones. Too many Jews are lost because "their" rabbi didn't even know their name or didn't seem to re- ally care. It doesn't matter if the ordination is Orthodox, Con- servative or Reform, congre- gants will look elsewhere if there isn't meaning, spirituali- ty and love. It's no accident that Jews for Jesus picked this season, a time when Chanukah ended earlier and Christmas is just beyond reach, to begin a campaign. All of us need to watch out for our friends and relatives who we suspect are vulnerable or de- pressed during the holidays. Be interested, be a mentsh. If you aren't willing to do so, then you can't wonder why a relative isn't returning your phone calls in favor of new "believing" friends or isn't even interest- ed in synagogue anymore. No matter how deceptive or incorrect, support and "love" go a long way during the holidays. Torah facts don't count for these people. Jews for Jesus under- stands that, and so it shouldn't be a surprise that with com- plete chutzpah they advertise nationally. When we're hurt- ing, we'll listen to almost any- one who offers to "help." We won't take the time to under- stand that the truth is right here at home. If it hasn't real- ly meant anything before, why should it now? The lonely are at their mercy. A friend was once invited by a Jewish colleague for Friday night dinner and then a ride to the man's synagogue. There was nothing abnormal about the dinner. When my friend repeatedly asked for the name of the shul they'd be at- tending, he was told , "you'll see." The "shul" turned out to be a chapel inside of a church. No problem; many Jewish con- gregations rent from church- es. People were hugging, and smiling. My friend was wel- comed more so than he could ever remember in a synagogue experience. Then came the hook. During services, he read ahead in the liturgy only to find the words "Yeshoah Hamashiach" (Jesus, the mes- siah) as part of the Shemah. The punchline: this hap- pened just days after Thanks- giving. He wasn't alone. There were many recruits in the sanc- tuary that night.We need to change that. We need to make it work now; otherwise we will be losers to the "love bombers." Instead, we should learn from them, learn their secret. It's an uplifting word, rab- bi. It's encouragement, teacher. It's a hug, mom and dad. There now, Jews for Jesus has nothing we need. ❑ Remember in last week's Ed- itor's Notebook, we discussed the lonely burial of Marilyn Cohn. We've received at least five phone calls in response with information about her life. Thank you to those who called with the details. We'll up- date everyone next week.