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STRENGTHENING page 49
serve fully the law of kashrut out-
side the home. Hopefully, that
will be possible in the future," he
says.
Jewish law also recognizes the
important role sex plays in mar-
riage. Halachah says that it is a
mitzvah to have sexual relations
with one's spouse on Shabbat.
Modern-day therapists echo this
value with the pop mantra: Make
time to make love.
Observant woman often cred-
it Jewish laws on sex for
strengthening their marriage.
These laws prescribe a waiting
period — during menstruation
and seven days after it ends —
before a husband and wife can
make love or engage in any sort
of direct physical contact.
Many women who observe
these laws say abstention creates
a "newness" once sexual relations
resume. The oft-heard complaint
about bedroom boredom isn't
"Therefore, just because you're
right, doesn't mean you can say
it in any way or at any time," Dr.
Last says.
He adds: "I think Judaism pro-
vides enduring values and struc-
ture to relationships. If we could
only be strong enough in our
hearts and minds to embrace
what Judaism has to offer, mar-
ried life would be tremendously
enriched."
W
hen discussing the glue
of marriage, less obser-
vant Jews point not so
much to ritual as to the
underlying precepts.
Rabbi Richard Weiss, who
runs a private marriage and fam-
ily therapy practice in Farming-
ton Hills, requires engaged
couples to meet with him for a
minimum of eight hours before
he will officiate at their wedding.
During these premarital sessions,
the rabbi (formerly of
Temple Beth Jacob,
which closed) outlines
four goals, "which in my
view are what the
essence of Judaism is all
about.
"I encourage the
couples to be in the
process of respecting
themselves and other
people," he says. "I en-
courage them to be in the
process of making the
world more just and com-
passionate by setting a
good example in their
home. I also tell them to
be in the process of
becoming open to the
beauties of nature and
human nature, and yet,
at the same time be crit-
ical. And, I encourage
them to be in the process
Dr. Jeffrey Last says there's a proper time to
of having a sense of
express discontent.
humor.
"I spedfy in the process
because life is not a state," he
prevalent, they say.
Observant Jews also maintain says. "We're all in the process of
that sex laws force a couple to becoming and evolving and
communicate on a spiritual level. changing."
Rabbi Sherwin Wine of the
As one woman commented: "It's
easier and much more convenient Birmingham Temple draws on
to resolve differences with a phys- the shared experiences of the
ical show of love, but if someone Jewish people.
"Commitment is a very strong
is always hugging away the hurt,
the problem will show up some- Jewish value. It comes out of
what I call the spirit of the Jew-
where else."
However, there's a proper time ish community. Without com-
to express verbal discontent with mitment, the Jewish people
a spouse. Dr. Jeffrey Last, a clin- wouldn't have survived," he says.
Rabbi Wine cites flexibility and
ical psychologist in Southfield,
refers to a Jewish principle called tenacity as other values essential
"giving mussar." A person who to marriage. "You don't give up.
criticizes should do so at an ap- That's one of the things I've
propriate time, when the recipi- learned as a Jew," he says.
There is, of course, a time
ent of the complaint is in a
position to understand and when marriages must be dis-
discuss it. A desire to be right solved, rabbis say. Judaism
shouldn't take precedence over doesn't prohibit divorce. Even so,
the commitment to bettering the Jewish teachings consider mar-
riage a lifelong institution, not to
relationship, he says.