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SMOOTH page P19
and a lack of cooperation — non-
verbal indicators of a child's dis-
comfort and fear — challenge any
adult's parenting skills.
On a personal level, mothers
and fathers who have centered
their afterwork lives on their off-
spring, may have extra hours and
silent dinner tables to fill. Par-
ents who have put off personal
goals for the sake of the children
may have to set new goals for
themselves.
Whether your little one is
starting preschool or your son or
daughter is off to college, antici-
pating the changes that are about
to occur is the first step in prepar-
ing for the transition. Once the
difficulties are acknowledged,
there are some general principles
that apply to dealing with tran-
sition. Keep in mind, regardless
of age, everyone feels better when
he or she knows how to act and
what to expect in a new situation.
Start early. Anticipation and
preparation are the watchwords
for a smooth transition. Begin
early to acknowledge the changes
that are likely to result. Consid-
er the physical and psychological
changes that must be made. How
will the transition affect individ-
ual family members? What are
the logistical demands of the
change? Entry into a new school
for one child may mean addi-
tional carpools for parents and
longer times in the car for a sib-
ling.
ties. Something as seemingly mi-
nor as opening a locker or being
unable to find a classroom may
be looming in your child's fears.
Bring all worries, complications,
and fears into the open, then deal
with each one.
Make the unknown familiar. A
child's fears often stem from the
unknown. Often clarifying or fill-
ing in gaps in knowledge will be
the easiest problems you have to
solve. You may be worrying about
how you will pay for the new
school; your youngster is more
likely to be worrying about "Will
I know anyone there?" and
"Where's the bathroom?" Taking
care of basic concerns like these
B
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
ring all worries,
complications
and fears into
It'
the open, then deal
with each one.
should be a first priority.
One easy way to make a child
feel more comfortable is to visit a
new school before opening day. If
possible, play on the playground
and walk through the building.
Call in advance to arrange to
meet the principal, your child's
teacher or another friendly face.
If none of these is feasible, at the
Make a calendar. Some tran- very least drive by the new school
sitions require greater psycho- before the first day of class.
logical adjustments than physical
With college students the same
ones; other transitions involve applies. Many students visit
both mental and tangible ad- school before they begin the ap-
justments. In both cases a count- plication process. Once a student
down helps. The overt reminder is accepted, a visit to the campus
of D-day adds excitement to the takes on new meaning. Taking
event and underscores its im- advantage of all the orientation
portance. More importantly, events is very important to help-
counting backward from the date, ing a college-bound student feel
allows you to set guidelines for prepared.
accomplishing the necessary
Network. The quickest avenue
tasks to be ready. Buying sup-
plies, filling in the wardrobe of to the "real scoop" about a new
growing kids, coordinating car- school or a new city is other par-
pools and extracurricular activ- ents and youngsters. If you are
ities, or thinking through the enrolling your child in a new
needs of a youngster attending school, ask the principal to give
her freshman year at college take you the names of several families
time and planning.
with children the same ages as
your children. Get the lowdown
Talk up the positives. Children on the neighborhood, stores and
need to know what to look for- the inner-workings of the school
ward to. Build enthusiasm for from other parents.
"the change" by highlighting its
Introduce your child to one or
benefits. Some advantages of the two youngsters who will be at-
new situation may not appeal to tending the school. They may not
you but be incredibly exciting to end up being best friends, but it's
a younger child. Acknowledge the always nice to recognize a face in
"rites of passage" that accompa- a crowd. For younger children,
ny new grade school status. knowing an older child who also
"Wow, in second grade, you have attends the school can be very
a salad bar at lunch." "In middle comforting.
school, you will change classes like
Going to a new city is unnerv-
your older brothers and sisters do." ing at best. Even if your college-
Don't deny the difficulties. The bound student never needs the
only way to head off fear is to face names and telephone numbers,
it head-on. Every transition it is nice to have a list of people
brings both benefits and difficul- SMOOTH page 22