SIDEWALK SALE Many victims have told rabbis that all they wanted was for the accused to repent, a basic tenet of Judaism. Dr. Ian Russ teaches the HUC course on psychological issues rab- bis and educators will confront. Like Rabbi Gross-Schaefer, he is looking for ways of prevention for what he sees as a growing prob- lem. "Priests and rabbis are no longer on the pedestal that they have been on in the past," he said. siders himself a best friend of the rabbi. "But the rabbi knows more about the congregant, including his or her entire medical histo- ry. It's an unequal relationship. There's a violation of peoples' sense of goodness. If this is what religion does, who needs it?" The same feeling of change in the relationship between, in this case educator and student, is held by Jewish educators as well. Ira Wise of Temple Emanu-El said he has become less "touchy and feely" over the years. He also keeps his door open during consultations with females. He is reluctant to put his arm around a stu- dent in private. A student may "need a hug" for emo- tional support, but Mr. Wise is at times reluctant to give one. "I don't rebuff anyone who hugs me," he said. "I just don't hug tightly back. I don't want a student to feel I'm rejecting her. I'm Rabbi Sherwin Wine: Appropriate for leaders to show friendly concern. very concerned how some- one walking down the hall "Synagogues, rabbis and priests will see it." can be sued and held accountable As a student, Mr. Wise was for their very human actions. hugged regularly by rabbis and People have abused that impor teachers. A teacher who didn't tant power for a long time, and hug was considered strict. we're trying to sort it out. It leaves "Do we run around in fear of all us uncomfortable. But rabbis do of this? No. need to consider carefully when "It is not on the tip of my mind, and how they touch a congregant but it's something that I'm care- and when they are alone with a ful about," said Mr. Wise. congregant. A person in power For Fresh Air Society needs to be hyper-aware not only Executive Director Harvey of what his intent is but how it Finkelberg, the issue is a major is received by another person. priority. He devotes an entire ses- They might hold off before they sion to teaching counselors about hug." appropriate touching. Counselors Both Rabbi Gross-Schaefer and may touch lightly on the back and Dr. Russ insist that they still want at the shoulder. That's it. If boys rabbis to hug. They just want and girls hold hands with coun- leaders to be sure it is being done selors, that's fine, also. appropriately. However, camp counselors can- "I'm concerned that if it goes not find themselves alone with a too far, rabbis no longer will hug camper in the washroom or show- or kiss," Rabbi Gross-Schaefer er. Counselors go through crimi- said. "I'm against that. Society nal background checks during is more and more of a lonely place. their employment application. If Rabbis should hug appropriate- a counselor touches a camper in- ly. Even asking a person if it's OK appropriately or strikes a child, to hug. I've had people tell me 'no.' he is fired. "Dr. Russ said that a peck on the "It's certainly different than cheek is an appropriate kiss from how we dealt with kids in the a rabbi, even to a close friend in 1960s and 1970s. Then, coun- public. No rabbi, he said, should selors were more physical. I don't kiss anyone on the mouth. want counselors grabbing or hit- Rabbi Debra Orenstein of the ting kids. This is now, and these Wilstein Institute of Jewish Policy are the rules now," said Mr. Studies found, during research Finkelberg. for an upcoming book, that many For 25 years, Arnie Weiner has women had experienced sexual worked with the Michigan B'nai abuse from men in leadership po- B'rith Youth Organization. He, sitions. too, has seen the emphasis in "It came up in peoples' study- touching change over the years. ing to convert to Judaism," she As executive director, his goal is said. "One told me that she was to make BBYO a safe place for the abused during an introduction- teens who participate. to-Judaism course she took dur- He is aware that teen-agers ing conversion. This abusive might have a crush on an adult touching is everywhere. I think adviser. And on at least one oc- it's real. A rabbi has to be with casion, Mr. Weiner has had to dis- you during very intimate, per- miss a male adviser for being too sonal settings. 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