Purim Spoof

Barney Converts
To Judaism

AND TOUR SOUTHFIELD'S
FINEST RETIREMENT
COMMUNITY

Spokesmen for Barney an-
nounced this week that every-
body's favorite purple dinosaur
will convert to Judaism.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, I feel so spe-
cial," Barney said of his deci-
sion. "Isn't this just too
super-de-duper?"
From now on, all "Barney"
segments will focus on various
aspects of Judaism and Israel,
with next week's program dis-
cussing the Middle East peace
accord and its implications for
Israel's economy.
"What I can't wait for is get-
ting some of that great Jewish
food!" Barney's castmate, the
portly Baby Bop, said with typ-
ical tremendous enthusiasm.
"Me want cholent!"
Following Barney conver-
sion, the title of the show will
be changed from "Barney" to
"Benyomen." ❑

First Woman At Yeshiva Gedolah?

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entel Slomus tried today
to become the first wom-
an admitted to the all-
male Yeshiva Gedolah.
Ms. Slomus, who comes from
a long line of rabbis and is her
parent's- only child, decided it
was time to break the sexual
taboo of the yeshiva.
Yeshiva students, dressed in
winter black-hat, white-shirt
uniforms (as opposed to the sum-
mer-black-hat, white-shirt uni-

Temple Israel Opens
Its Doors To Gangs

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forms), opposed her admittance,
citing years of male bonding and
secret coding known only to stu-
dents and alumni.
However, Ms. Slomus re-
vealed that she is fully aware
of these secrets after having
spent a year disguised as a boy
at the school. Her identity was
discovered when she started
belting out, "Don't Rain On My
Parade" during a Purim se'udah.
When Ms. Slomus, followed

emple Israel, in its at-
tempt to remain spot-
lessly politically correct,
has invited youth gang
members to spray-paint and
trash its auditorium.
Organizers say it is an oppor-
tunity for underprivileged
youth to express themselves
fully and, at the same time, in-
troduce these misunderstood
artists and their message of
rage to the Jewish communi-
ty.
Volunteers are needed for
the week-long program to dis-
tribute spray paints and sup-
ply batteries for run-down
beepers and cellular phones,
according to social action di-
rector, Dr. Nancy E-Gads.
The program will actually
bring together two different
gangs: one white, the other
Puerto Rican. Besides bring-

ing them together in a temple,
the Jewish angle is that the
gangs will co-exist while lis-
tening to Leonard Bernstein
music.
Temple members will then
meet with the gang members
to share feelings, turf issues
and other ideas. Temple youth
will then plan conclaves and
events with the gang mem-
bers. A rap-Havdalah has been
organized. Gang members
have requested the honor of
filling the spice box.
This is the latest in a long
line of Temple Israel social ac-
tion events. It has opened its
doors for week-long periods to
the homeless, to Palestinian
terrorists being hunted by
Israel, to non-intermarried
happy to-be-Jewish couples
and to former executive direc-
tors of Borman Hall. 0

by an entourage of media, came
to the Oak Park school's office,
she was told to wait. In the
meantime, she started answer-
ing the telephone and even
straightening up the place.
"Now, there's a place for her
in this school," said Rabbi Tu-
lyfe L'Chayim after observing
her in the office. "She could bring
a big change to this place. It
hasn't been straightened up in
years." 0

Rabin And Peres
Scope Hot Babes

Jerusalem — Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin got hot around
the collar yesterday during the
third day of raucous talks on
whether former Minister of
Education Shulamit Aloni
should be considered a "hot
babe" or, in more politcally cor-
rect terms, an "engaging
studette."
The controversy halted
abruptly when Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres caught
sight of a rookie Knesset mem-
ber wearing high-heeled shoes
and a mini-skirt.
Mr. Rabin loosened his tie,
preparing himself for the kill,
while Mr. Peres rehearsed
pick-up lines he learned from
Israeli soldiers.
To the frustration of both gov-
ernment officials, Likud leader
and famed womanizer
Benjamin Netanyahu beat them
to the punch. The high-heeled
woman will become Mr.
Netanyahu's fourth wife, as soon
as he ditches his third one. ❑