ADOPTION page 20
FRESH
ment adoption, allowing a par-
ent or guardian to choose adop-
tive parents. This bill would
clarify exisiting practices.
If passed, Rep. Gubow's mea-
sure also would give parents the
option to work with an attorney
rather than an adoption agency.
Michigan is one of six states
that does not allow direct place-
ment adoption.
In addition, birth parents
PAINT
FRESH KIDS
FRESH
START
You are convinced that
even the industrial revolution, the
transcontinental railroad and the telegraph
could not have brought more change than your new
life. You're exaggerating, of course, but we understand.
would be allowed to have some
contact with the children and
adoptive parents if all parents
agree.
Other Gubow bills are an at-
tempt to help either the adopt-
ed, the birth parents or the
adoptive parents connect
through a court-assigned in-
termediary. All parties would
have to agree before contact
was established.
❑
Speaking To Children
Without The Sarcasm
ELIZABETH APPLEBAUM ASSOCIATE EDITOR
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I
f only Bart Simpson could
make it this weekend to
Shaarey Zedek's Parenting
Center.
Beavis and Butthead would
be good candidates, too. And
what about that whole crazy
Bundy clan on "Married With
Children"? In fact, just about
every TV sitcom family could
use a good dose of Adele Faber
and Elaine Mazlish.
The two women, who will
host workshops this weekend
at the Shaarey Zedek Jewish
Parenting Center, are the au-
thors of such works as How To
Talks So Kids Will Listen and
Listen So Kids Will Talk, Sib-
lings Without Rivalry and Lib-
,
WINTER SPORTSWEAR: CLEARANCE*
• *Select Group •
Adele Faber
-
(313) 352-1080
Mon.-Sat. 9:30-6
Thursday til 7
erated Parents /Liberated
Children. They believe the kind
of sarcasm that characterize
much of TV dialogue is any-
thing but healthy, despite its
prevalence.
"It's surprising, but what you
see on the average sitcom — the
putdowns that make everybody
laugh — is pretty typical" in
American families, Ms. Faber
says.
Instead, Ms. Mazlish and
Ms. Faber advocate a kind of
parent-child communication
recognizing that both, "while
not equal in experience are
equal in dignity."
This doesn't mean coddling
a child, Ms. Faber says, but
speaking to him in an appro-
priate manner. Instead of
screaming, "You left your apple
core on the table again? What
is the matter with you? You are
such a slob!" a parent should in-
stead assert, "Apple cores do not
belong on the table. Please
clean it up."
Ms. Faber's interest in par-
ent-child communication began
after she started attending
classes taught by Dr. Haim
Ginott.
The author of Between Par-
ent & Child, Dr. Ginott intro-
duced in the mid-1950s what
was considered a radical ap-
proach to child-parentcommu-
nication. He urged parents to
speak carefully and thought-
fully with their children and to
try to understand how a child
thinks.
`Treat your children as your
guests," he said. Would anyone
scream, "You are such a klutz!"
at Mrs. Smith from next door if
she accidentally knocked over
the sugar at your house? Of
course not. So why was it ac-
ceptable to speak this way to
one's child?
Ms. Faber was immediately
attracted to Dr. Ginott's ap-
proach. She dragged her friend
Elaine Mazlish to the class. "We
joined for eight weeks and
stayed for 10 years," Ms. Faber
says.