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game-players, mostly women,
give away a part of themselves
to be accepted by husbands,
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The perfection
game implies that if
an individual is
strong, clever and de-
termined enough, she
can have it all.
"It's bad enough to
feel stressed out," Ms.
Weiner said. "But
we're taught by cul-
ture that it is terrible
to be stressed out. Ifs
seen as a character
weakness. It's the
trap of stress."
Ms. Weiner ended
by offering the
women a bit of advice:
"Life is hard enough
without you coming
down on yourself.
Know what you are
doing. Know you have options.
You do have choices."
Women spent the remainder
of the evening using the JPM
facilities. 0

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ylvia Hacker calls herself
a maven on sexuality;
Rabbi Mitchel Cohen
identifies himself more as
an expert on issues young Jews
explore.
However, the two came to-
gether in presence, and some
theory, Dec. 1 at Hillel Day
School.
Dr. Hacker is a University of
Michigan professor and author
of What Every Teenager Really

Wants To Know About Sex.

Rabbi Cohen is the director of
Camp Ramah in Canada. The
two spoke to parents and teach-
ers of children in grades 5-8
about talking about sex and
love as part of the Jay and
Dorothy Rosenthal Teacher Ed-
ucation Institute held twice
each year.
"We have a big problem
here," Rabbi Cohen said. "Tra-
ditional Jewish law prohibits
premarital sex. And we all en-
courage our children not to
marry too young. So what do we
tell our kids about their urges
and needs in the years be-
tween?"
Rabbi Cohen acknowledged
that Halachah (Jewish law)
was written when individuals
married young. Sociology, he
said, can have an effect on Ha-
lachah. However, the laws of
Halachah remain and can be
viewed in a contemporary soci-
ety.
At Camp Ramah, Rabbi Co-
hen has begun teaching sexual
ethics to 17- and 18-year-old ju-

Dr. Sylvia Hacker

nior counselors, 19-23-year-old
counselors, 16-year-old camp-
ers, and adults attending fam-
ily camp. He begins with a
survey about sex and Judaism,
and is shocked by the igno-
rance. Young adults do not
know that pleasure in sex is dis-
cussed in the Talmud. And
while unmarried men and
women are directed to refrain
from sexual relations, married
couples should not remain celi-
bate.
Rabbi Cohen created a nine-
point list for developing a mod-
ern, Jewish sex ethic for teens.
It includes statements like,
"Sexuality plays such a key role.
So if Judaism is important,
Jewish values must play a role
in decision making"; "Ethical
decision making involves con-
sistency. The heat of the mo-
ment cannot cause one to give
PARENTS page 18