e Neverending Loneliness

A psychologist finds nothing heals
the memory of the Holocaust.

ELIZABETH APPLEBAUM ASSISTANT EDITOR

THE DE TROI T J EWIS H NEWS

Dr. Charles
Silow

14

lmost 50 years later, sur-
vivors continue to be haunt-
ed by the Holocaust as
though it happened yester-
day.
"I always think about the
Holocaust," one survivor
told psychologist Charles
Silow.
"You live with it con-
stantly," added another.
When Dr. Silow set out to
write his dissertation, he
expected to find survivors
still deeply troubled by
memory. "But I was sur-
prised by the fact that it
(the Holocaust) is always
there," he said.

Some survivors are so
traumatized they cannot
sleep. Others are successful
businessmen, active in
clubs and organizations.
Virtually all continue to be
deeply affected both by per:
sonal tragedy, like the mur-
der of family members, and
the collective sorrow of the
slaughter of the Six Million
Jews. In the words of one
survivor: "I am lonely even
when I'm not lonely."
Dr. Silow, president of
CHAIM (Children of
Holocaust
Survivors
Association in Michigan),
recently completed his dis-

sertation on post-traumatic
stress and the effect of the
Holocaust on parenting,
through the University of
Detroit.
A psychologist with
Counseling Associates who
also maintains a private
practice in Southfield, Dr.
Silow is himself the son of a
mother who survived
Auschwitz and a father who
fled Poland for the Soviet
Union during World War II.
Studying the Holocaust has
been "a lifelong endeavor,"
he says. "It was something
we grew up with, always
aware of and recognizing
the pain of my parents."
One aspect of Dr. Silow's
study focused on how the
Holocaust affected sur-
vivors as parents. He inter-
viewed 38 survivors and 30
control subjects, consider-
ing both groups in terms of
care (how much affection
and loving they showed
their children) and protec-
tion (were they appropriate-
ly or overly concerned or
involved in their children's
lives?).
Questions included how
affectionate to their chil-
dren parents saw them-
selves, whether they gave
their children as much free-
dom as the children want-
ed, whether parents tended
to baby their sons and
daughters.
Dr. Silow found that most
survivors, especially
women, are often worried
that another Holocaust
could occur or that their
own families would experi-
ence trauma. "There's
almost a fright, a phobia,
that terrible things will
happen once again," Dr.
Silow said.
One survivor said of his
children: "We have a close
bond but a fearful bond."
Both the control subjects
and the survivors scored
high in terms of care for

their children. "But for the
survivors there was a dif-
ferent intensity. Their
thought was: We're million-
aires. We never even
thought we would have
children...'"
A second part of Dr.
Silow's research considered
the long-term effects of the
Holocaust on survivors.
Their ability to cope with
the horror differed. Their
inability to escape their
memories did not.
"Survivor after survivor
after survivor said the
Holocaust was overwhelm-
ing and that it continues to
be overwhelming," Dr.
Silow said.
Some survivors were
able, at times, to temporari-
ly set aside the pain of the
past. "It's constantly on my
mind, but I try to do things
to forget," one said.
Others could never block
it out and, in fact, had no
desire to: "Why should I
remove it from memory?"
one commented. "I lost my
whole family."
A number of survivors
found it helpful to channel
their emotions by becoming
involved with Holocaust
museums or teaching. All
talked about the impor-
tance of family. "Just the
sense of knowing that life
goes on helps in the healing
process," Dr. Silow said.
Dr. Silow, who is develop-
ing with Sinai Hospital a
support group for survivors,
was impressed by the fact
that all the survivors he
interviewed were so com-
mitted to life.
"There was such an ener-
gy for life, something you
can't measure, something I
saw with every survivor,"
he says. "I have incredible
respect for their desire to
survive, to their commit-
ment to the Jewish people,
to their families and to
memory."