Room
mate
R oul
ette
The odds are long, but finding
a roomie with the right stuff is
possible.
ROBIN SOSLOW
SPECIAL TO
THE JEWISH NEWS
N
o matter how well you know
someone, you don't really know
them until after you move in
together.
Sometimes you learn more
than you ever really wanted to
know.
We're not just talking cou-
ples. We're talking roommates.
Just ask anyone who has ever
played the roommate roulette.
Take Jay, for example. He
knew Doug since his freshman
year in college. They played ball
together, even dated a few of the
same girls. When they both
landed jobs in the same area, it
seemed like a natural decision
to get an apartment together.
The first year went well, then
real life settled in — settling on
Jay first. "When you're working,
you can't party every night;
you've got to get up, sober, in
the morning," says Jay. "Doug
just didn't get that, or maybe he
didn't have to."
Rather than getting along to-
gether, they felt as if they were
merely putting up with each
other. Eventually, Jay bought a
place of his own — where he can
enjoy Doug's company again,
but in small doses.
For some, living together can
put an end to a great friendship.
Others are more fortunate.
Why do some roommate situ-
ations disintegrate while others
prosper? "It depends on what
Robin Soslow writes about the
single life.
you're looking for," says Sharon
Kinstler, 27, who now lives in
the suburbs with two friends
she'd gone to camp with years
before. "If you want roommates
to be friends with, you need to
be pickier."
Not only are her roommates
friends, they have agreed-on
systems in place to help keep
them that way. "We have a job
chart, so everyone knows what
to do [to keep the household to-
gether]. We share meals, we
share everything. We're like sis-
ters." Sometimes the three will
plan a Tuesday night dinner,
complete with a bottle of wine.
But, Ms. Kinstler admits,
girls' night in sometimes gets
postponed. "We work, go to the
gym, have dates." Still, they
make it a point to spend quali-
ty time together several times
a week, even if it's just grocery
shopping.
Ms. Kinstler and her room-
mates also know when not to
spend time together. Everyone
needs to have time alone, or to
work out a bad mood. One of her
roommates, Beth Zimmerman,
25, adds that allowing each per-
son her privacy is one ingredi-
ent to a successful living
arrangement. "I once had a
roommate who wanted to talk
as soon as I got home from
work, when I just wanted peace
and quiet." In male-female
roommate situations, women
are not always the more talka-
tive ones, just as men are not al-
ways messier.
Love 'em or loathe 'em, room-
mates are generally preferable
alternatives to getting tapped
out by high housing costs. It's
just unfortunate that good ones
aren't guaranteed to last as long
as your cohabitational needs. -
Steve Garelick, 30, lost one
good roommate
when the latter
reconciled with
his wife. "He was
perfect; he didn't
speak much
English." Most of
Mr. Garelick's
roommates have
been friends of
friends, not al-
ways an ideal
situation — es-
pecially when he
had to find tact-
ful ways to stop
them from going
wild or emptying
out the refriger-
ator. Now own-
ing his own
home, Mr. Garelick says find-
ing good roommates is an even
greater challenge. "What wasn't
a big deal when I rented [be-
came a serious consideration]
when I moved into my brand-
new house."
Finding good roommates can
be a challenge, once you've ex-
hausted leads from family and
friends. Having invested heav-
ily in the newspaper ads, Mike
Davis can tell you roommate-
hunting is a sure-fire way to
meet interesting people. Not al-
ways people you'd want to let in
your home, let alone room
with... but always interesting.
"I got a lot of recently di-
vorced people with sad stories,"
he says. "One guy was sure his
wife would take him back and
wanted just a six-
month lease." Yet he
decided to move into
more permanent
quarters. Another
had married a
woman with two
kids, adopted them,
then she started see-
ing someone else ---
leaving Mr. Davis'
acquaintance with
child support pay-
ments.
Mr. Davis has en-
dured some tough
roommate situa-
tions. Such as one
"gross" guy who had
financial as well as
hygiene problems.
He shares an important lesson
for anyone shopping for room-
mates: Remember that, typi-
cally, you're responsible for
getting the entire rent paid, not
just your own half. The 29-year-
old notes that this particular
roommate was very young;
while the guy might possibly
have shaped up with time, Mr,
Davis was wise enough not to
If you're a free
spirit who leaves
a trail of clothes
in your wake,
don't figure your
roommate will
find your
idiosyncracies
endearing.
ROOMMATE page 96